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Original poster

New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

917 replies

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:43

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

OP posts:
WickWood · 14/03/2025 17:24

Enjoy your tofu sandwiches 😁

Pensionableperil · 14/03/2025 17:11

You’re not going to bin him are you? FGS.

MumOnBus · 14/03/2025 17:08

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 12/03/2025 22:53

As a vegan, I find his ‘contamination’ concern pretty disproportionate: it’s not an allergy and it’s spoiling every single meal out for his whole life. He should provably trust that a vegan menu is a vegan menu - mislabelling in restaurants is against the law. I’ve copied info below:

  • Consumer Rights Act and Sale of Goods Act:
  • A restaurant claiming a dish is vegan when it isn't could be liable under the Consumer Rights Act or the Sale of Goods Act for misdescription.
  • Deliberately adding animal products:
  • Deliberately adding meat to a vegan meal would be a breach of the legal rights of vegan diners.
  • Businesses must tell customers if their products contain any of the 14 listed allergens:
  • These allergens include crustaceans, eggs, fish, milk, molluscs.

I really do think him having such extreme mistrust and fear of contamination isn’t normal.

This. And from that, to distrusting you, only a small leap. I couldn't be with someone with trust issues.

Lentilweaver · 14/03/2025 17:06

Oh FGS.

KerryBlues · 14/03/2025 17:04

Wanting to play on the swings is not making him sound any better, op…

NaomhPadraigin · 14/03/2025 17:03

Yes, the continual reference to racist cupboards - I'd need an answer to that if I was you.

At the end of the day... it's your life and if you want to give it a shot with him then do so - but with your eyes wide open.

ItWasnaMeGuv · 14/03/2025 17:03

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:43

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

I 100% agree with your last sentence, OP. When someone tells you who they are, believe them. He is an obsessive vegan, it will end in tears.

housethatbuiltme · 14/03/2025 17:00

I couldn't live like that, it would be a hard pass from me.

I have legitimate dietry issues that could make me sick if contaminated and I love eating out different place. I rarely get sick and don't even warn them (its confusing trying to explain). I just pick food that should in all logic be safe if done properly and any decent place will be well aware of food safety and cross contamination rules so they do it properly... it's riskier to eat at someones home.

Ionut · 14/03/2025 16:59

Beautifulbouquet · 14/03/2025 16:57

He's gone to get a coat. He's said absolutely vegan restaurant is fine.

He's also said it's not that he'd refuse to eat out but that it is a big deal for him.

He's really heard me out. He's also clarified a couple of other things.

What about the not showering?? 🤢 This seems particularly bizarre, as he'd presumably be on "best behaviour" as you'd only been seeing each other, what a week or 2?

And the racism comments?

And the fact he gets weird about vegan food, but not about vegan beer?

It's literally been days , that you've been seeing him and he's already an absolute bore, stinky and weird. Why bother??

ApolloandDaphne · 14/03/2025 16:58

So are you still on?

AnnListersBlister · 14/03/2025 16:58

Beautifulbouquet · 14/03/2025 16:05

Awww you're all making me laugh again. I'm meeting him in 30 mins.

I can't promise to tell him about the Foster's. I imagine it was vegan at one point and he doesn't know. So I don't want to upset him.

I'd want to know if I were inadvertently consuming a product that was against my beleifs. Maybe he does too? At least you'll tell him gently! Rather than the next person who knows, who mightn't!

Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 14/03/2025 16:57

He's gone to get a coat. He's said absolutely vegan restaurant is fine.

He's also said it's not that he'd refuse to eat out but that it is a big deal for him.

He's really heard me out. He's also clarified a couple of other things.

OP posts:
JohnTheRevelator · 14/03/2025 16:49

I had an ex who was like this. His reasoning was that it was too expensive. But he would happily spend ££££s on alcohol each week. One of the many reasons he is now my ex.

Technonan · 14/03/2025 16:45

This could possibly be an eating disorder. That fear of contamination is a real signal. My BIL cannot swallow food if he is in company. Sometimes, he can't even bear to have anything touch his lips. It relates to childhood trauma - there is nothing physically wrong with him, it's all in his head. Therapy hasn't helped, or not so far. He's a lovely husband and father and my DSIS has accepted for a long time that the romantic meal in or out for two isn't going to happen.

But don't jump to conclusions like 'fussy eater' or throw insults around like 'boring fucker.' My DSIS has a very happy marriage - she would love for this problem to be sorted, but mostly because it makes her DH suffer sometimes.

If you really like him, OP, give him a chance. If you don't, then it doesn't matter, does it?

Delphinium20 · 14/03/2025 16:35

I, for one, am heartened that there are young people out there who see the value in face-to-face tough conversations and have rejected the phone block ghosting that started w/ the millennials. Well done, you! Your entire personality, outlook and values has cheered this curmudgeon GenXer...you sound like just a lovely person, OP. As hard as it will be, you're doing the right thing to tell him the truth of things (as long as you feel safe, otherwise ghosting/blocking is preservation/risk assessing).

Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 14/03/2025 16:32

He's asked to meet at a park. He texted that he hasn't been on a swing in years.

Perhaps I'm going to see his fun side??

OP posts:
Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 14/03/2025 16:26

Nanny0gg · 14/03/2025 16:22

You've been with him 6 WEEKS???

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Less than that I think! A month...maybe 6 weeks top.

We worked together years ago. He has a crush on me. I wasn't interested and I was with someone.

So we've known each other longer but no real contact in years.

Anyway I'm meeting him now. I expect it will go awfully some how and I'll come back and you'll all be cross.

I feel bad because he had this crush and I rebuffed him. Then we've been seeing him.

And I really let things get further than I should.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 14/03/2025 16:22

Beautifulbouquet · 14/03/2025 00:01

He's said it before. Often.

I don't dump people by text. I don't think it's a great thing to do when you can meet and give time to a proper conversation.

I am fading things out so it's less of a shock and I don't want a drawn out conversation but please I'm not interested in dumping people by text, blocking people you've slept with and had good times with etc

This is a real person with real feelings and although it has been good to vent some frustrations I don't think eating a tofu sandwich or having a restaurant phobia is any reason for me to abandon my values of respect and compassion

You've been with him 6 WEEKS???

Marmunia10667 · 14/03/2025 16:17

OP, are you sure he doesn't suffer from panic attacks? I used to have attacks when 'trapped' for example in a cinema, and I also could not eat out as I always thought I would be sick. The veganism may be used as a cover.

BexAubs20 · 14/03/2025 16:12

I call BS I recon he just dosent want to pay to take you for food.

Nanny0gg · 14/03/2025 16:11

SlimeSuspect · 13/03/2025 09:44

My fella has an insane list of food intolerances, and some potentially fatal allergies. The list of things he can eat has gradually dwindled over the years. If he deviates from this, the consequences can range between chronic eczema to anaphylactic shock. We never eat out, and it’s just something I’ve had to accept. It wouldn’t stop me wanting to be with him though… I just go off and eat out with my friends instead. There can be far worse things in a relationship than not being able to eat out!

Or go to the cinema? Or a beach holiday? Or do a pub quiz?
Wear different clothes ever?

He doesn't seem to have one redeeming quality

Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 14/03/2025 16:11

Flyonthewall01 · 14/03/2025 14:09

There’s two reasons really, in production planning you schedule the lighter tasting beers and vegan products first. So every week you’d have a planned clean of 12hours where everything is cleaned out using caustic, then when the production line comes back up into action you plan for the least strong flavoured, vegan beer first then the other vegan ones in order of flavour strength and then you move onto the non vegan ones. Typically ending the week on the strongest flavoured one.
Things might happen where you need to switch to another beer that isn’t as strong in flavour in which case you’d have to schedule a short clean in which would only take a couple of hours but if you need to switch back to a vegan product it’s another 8hour clean.
so to ensure you keep the production line producing as much as possible without stopping for cleans you try to stick to the above sequence.

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This is a truly educational thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 14/03/2025 16:05

Awww you're all making me laugh again. I'm meeting him in 30 mins.

I can't promise to tell him about the Foster's. I imagine it was vegan at one point and he doesn't know. So I don't want to upset him.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 14/03/2025 16:05

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:47

I haven't even thought about holidays!! He did say once that he would never go on a beach holiday. I don't think he's been on holiday for 6 years actually. He also doesn't like going to the cinema as he doesn't like sitting still for long periods.

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What does he like?

Where have you been with him so far?

AiryFairy1 · 14/03/2025 16:00

lol at this thread Grin

DH and my dates are almost exclusively eating dates.

He sounds very tiresome and will hopefully rethink his life choices after you’ve dumped his @ss

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