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Original poster

New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

917 replies

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:43

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 14/03/2025 18:30

angelspike · 12/03/2025 22:47

But you could never go on a day out and grab food or a holiday or a takeaway or... anything like that
Packed lunches only

Show quote history

of course you could.
He'd just have to go for a walk while you have lunch.
Added bonus, you can have a glass of wine, he can drive 😂

sounds miserable - I don't think I'd bother

Pumpkin71 · 14/03/2025 18:27

Blimey, what attracted you to him in the first place? He sounds hi maintenance and zero fun!

Oxforddictionary12 · 14/03/2025 18:27

Please don't be too sad. I think this is more a reflection on him than you. Reading between the lines I think he's got a fair few issues, but you can't solve them for him, he has to do that.

My advice is to look forward not back. Keep dating and don't settle for anyone less than someone who makes you delieriously happy.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 14/03/2025 18:26

Fosters isn't vegan in the UK, but is in other countries (eg in Australia) so that might explain why he thought it was fine to drink. I think you should tell him sometime (but in a nice, non-mean way).

WimbyAce · 14/03/2025 18:21

Urgh no thanks!

Lentilweaver · 14/03/2025 18:11

This is really unnecessary drama after 4 weeks!.

Duckswaddle · 14/03/2025 18:10

Sounds like way too much hard work and angst. But you’re not going to just tell him and walk away, so whatever.

Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 14/03/2025 18:09

Hey so we met up.

I feel really sad.

I can't really explain it. He turned up with a four pack of Fosters so I didn't tell him about the Fosters.

He said swings made him sick but he sat on one for a bit. I sat on a swing but my feet didn't touch the ground so I couldn't swing. It was all pathetic.

I guess we've split up but the conversation isn't very clear to me. He just didn't make any effort so it didn't really seem necessary. I tried to talk. I just feel sad and like he doesn't even seem to like me. I think the important thing to him is just to be able to keep living his life how he wants.

Thanks to everyone for such kindness xx

OP posts:
user1494451950 · 14/03/2025 18:04

I meant moving ON, not IN

JaniceLongSchlong · 14/03/2025 18:04

I was invited to a “BBQ” hosted by a vegan.
An acquaintance from our community allotment.

He just put potatoes into a fire.
Not wrapped in foil, no toppings or accompaniments, no plates, cutlery!

He didn’t know how to look after himself, socially clueless, had no money, was always on the scrounge for women to feed him biscuits and crisps!

I’m sure if he had money he’d be mean!

A real prince

user1494451950 · 14/03/2025 18:03

I would suggest moving in before you fall for him. Personally, life is too short

gingersnapdrop · 14/03/2025 18:02

This is not an allergy but a preference. So why the issue with contamination? Sounds obsessive. Has he sought help for this?

OneNoisySnail · 14/03/2025 18:02

Oh mine is like that but for different reasons. He doesn’t see the point in going out and spending money when he can cook better at home (tbf he is an excellent cook) but I explained you don’t necessarily go out for good food, it’s the change of scene and the atmosphere or trying something you might not try at home. We compromised but it doesn’t sound like there’s a compromise here! Unless you signed up to the hermit lifestyle and it’s a lifestyle you’d enjoy then get rid. Not wanting to go out with you isn’t too many leaps away from also not wanting you to go out without him

Bikergran · 14/03/2025 18:00

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:43

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

OP, i have read all your replies. I think he may have a degree of neurodivergence, which can be hard work. Or he could just be a knob. Either way, he sounds like he's getting much more than he's giving to this set-up. Plus, if his kitchen is unhygienic, I wouldn't be wanting to consider him long term, as in a sharing a house dynamic. You'll end up cleaning up after him.

Suzuki76 · 14/03/2025 17:57

Beautifulbouquet · 14/03/2025 16:57

He's gone to get a coat. He's said absolutely vegan restaurant is fine.

He's also said it's not that he'd refuse to eat out but that it is a big deal for him.

He's really heard me out. He's also clarified a couple of other things.

Cold tofu sandwiches.

Cacara · 14/03/2025 17:51

That's not veganism, that's paranoia...
I'm vegan too and dining out is a huge pleasure for me. I couldn't date someone who doesn't enjoy the ambiance of a restaurant .

JessicaRabbit6 · 14/03/2025 17:50

He has no money. Bye bye

Maddy70 · 14/03/2025 17:50

Get rid. Half the pleasure of being in a relationship is eating out together

Ionut · 14/03/2025 17:49

Oh come on, it shouldn't be this hard at less than 6 weeks!!

GrannyNannyMagratandGreebo · 14/03/2025 17:48

I'm a vegan and there are places that serve both vegan and omni food.

RUN. now.

BlueFlowers5 · 14/03/2025 17:46

No, that would be a no frome. Never having a leisurely lunch with him at the weekend? No joining friends with him for a tasty meal out?

cardboardvillage · 14/03/2025 17:45

no freaking way….that’s crazy

Picklelily99 · 14/03/2025 17:43

Distrusts anyone else making his food, dislikes sand, can't sit still for any length of time - could he be on some 'spectrum' like autism perhaps? It could be worth exploring more of his likes and dislikes, before you get too far in? *had a child who went vegan for a while - couldn't believe what they can't (or yes, won't) eat! So glad it didn't last!

Donotwantnot · 14/03/2025 17:41

I’m sort of hoping you’ll tell him about the Fosters and then he will decide to be veggie for a bit and then he will see you eating steak and he will have a bit and then everything will be lovely and you can have fantastic non-tofu sex.

Ionut · 14/03/2025 17:38

Imagine if your daughter was in a relationship where the boyfriend didn't shower much, doesn't keeps a clean kitchen - but casts doubt in others abilities to not contaminate food, called her racist, is so paranoid he refuses to open the blinds, got knows what his house smells like... is boring and won't go on holidays she likes, or do things like pub quizzes that she enjoys ... Would you think "WOW! what a catch?"