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Original poster

New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

917 replies

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:43

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

OP posts:
FriendsDrinkBook · 12/03/2025 23:05

@DrinkFeckArseBrick flavour probably.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 12/03/2025 23:05

Not even in a vegan restaurant? What does he think his food would be contaminated with there?

arethereanyleftatall · 12/03/2025 23:04

I've probably started - as in the first few months- dating about a dozen times in my life. And they're absolutely joyous, filled with hope and happiness, everyone behaving wonderfully type times. 9 of them ended after a few months, wasn't to be. But the point is, these precious months are wonderful.
And then I read anecdotes on here all the time, where there just doesn't seem to be any of the joy - I just can't imagine it.

Bruisername · 12/03/2025 23:04

Does he trust the pub to only give him uncontaminated vegan beer? Are you only allowed to eat vegan when with him (or are you vegan too?)?

are you sure he’s not just tight?

Bigcat25 · 12/03/2025 23:04

What about vegan restaurants? I think being that worried about contamination is a little OTT. Sounds like it would be very limiting to be with him.

Lindy2 · 12/03/2025 23:04

Oh gosh. How dull.

Never enjoying a meal out together.

We just wouldn't be compatible.

RatedDoingMagic · 12/03/2025 23:04

I would have zero interest in a relationship with such a person. It's not just the pickiness but the total lack of confidence in ones fellow human beings, that he would rather shut off an entire category of experience rather than trusting someone.

Appalonia · 12/03/2025 23:03

He did once bring a potato and six tomatoes to my house.
Oh God I'm dying!😂

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 12/03/2025 23:02

His kitchen is dirty and unhygienic?
I take it all back.
Dump him.

Endofyear · 12/03/2025 23:02

God what a bore 🙄 run for the hills! He sounds a complete oddball. I know plenty of vegans, including one of my own children and they all eat out regularly. This is not about him being a vegan. It's about him being strange.

SnoozingFox · 12/03/2025 23:02

Yes the veganism is a red herring. (Red tofu slice?) Everywhere does vegan food these days.

The problem is that he's weird and controlling.

Appalonia · 12/03/2025 23:01

SnoozingFox · 12/03/2025 22:59

Oh fuck that for a game of soldiers. Imagine taking a tofu sandwich to a hotel. Dump him because

  1. he's a vegan / fussy / restricted eater
  2. he has ridiculous ideas about eating out
  3. he has shown you he has form for ridiculous tofu-related behaviour
  4. he is not interested in holidays or eating out for pleasure.

Thank U, next.

Show quote history
  1. he has shown you he has form for ridiculous tofu-related behaviour

Oh that made me laugh SO MUCH!!!😂

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 12/03/2025 23:01

FriendsDrinkBook · 12/03/2025 22:54

It sounds like he doesn't like spending money.

A vegan can go to a vegan restaurant. Why won't he just do that?

There aren't actually that many vegan-owned and -operated restaurants, and unfortunately many of them have spring up in recent years to cash in on the 'trend' for 'plant-based' food, and serve a fairly limited range of products. In many cases the menu is full of fake 'meat', fake 'cheese', fake 'mayonnaise', and other ultra-processed industrial crap. It may technically be 'vegan' but it's not good for you, and nothing like as healthy as proper freshly-cooked vegetable-and-legume-based cuisine would be. I'd rather stay at home and cook for myself. And it would be a lot more tasty and joyful (in answer to another poster, whose imagination is so limited they think a vegan diet would be dreary and joyless)

Mudkipper · 12/03/2025 23:01

It’s nothing to do with him being vegan. There are plenty of vegan restaurants. Book one and I’ll bet you he won’t go there either. He probably gets social anxiety or is to mean to pay or something.

HousedInMySoul · 12/03/2025 23:01

It sounds more like an eating disorder than veganism. I can't imagine how horrible a cold raw tofu sandwich would be 😱

Haveyouanyjam · 12/03/2025 23:00

That is bizarre. My sister is vegan and she eats out regularly. Even those I’ve known who have coeliac disease who have to make sure their dinner isn’t contaminated still eat out as long as the restaurant can confirm they can keep it free of anything allergenic.

Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 23:00

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 12/03/2025 22:55

If he's happy to cook for you, at your place or his, and bring nice picnics when you go out places together, what's the problem?

I've worked (as a chef) in plenty of catering establishments, and as a direct result, don't trust them all either <to not contaminate my food, have shoddy hygiene standards, &/ or use unhealthy/ unethical ingredients>

I much prefer to make my own food, so I can be sure of what I'm eating and its provenance (and eat more organic, relatively unprocessed wholefoods).

My brother (also a former chef) isn't vegan, but hardly ever eats out either - again he prefers to make his own food, and know exactly where it's come from.

I also don't like the fact that most of the profits usually go to the owners, and however skilled and hard-working the cooks, servers and other staff are, they usually get paid at close to minimum wage. Why would I want to support that industry? I prefer to frequent places that operate differently, eg as workers co-ops, but they are few and far between in this country.

Fair points however his kitchen is dirty and unhygienic and he hasn't offered to bring a nice picnic. He did once bring a potato and six tomatoes to my house.

The more I read the replies the more I am just thinking that this isn't really about being a vegan or principles it's just someone who is hard work and not even interested in compromise

OP posts:
HomeBodyClub · 12/03/2025 22:59

I have food intolerances so always quickly check menus and I’d say nearly all food places cater for vegans. If one place didnt you’d find somewhere that did no problem.

Newtess · 12/03/2025 22:59

He sounds quite inflexible. Not much fun.

SnoozingFox · 12/03/2025 22:59

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:49

We stayed in a hotel for a night. He brought some bread and a packet of tofu and ate that for dinner (yes a cold tofu sandwich). At breakfast he said he wasn't hungry. Only yesterday he said that actually he never eats out.

Show quote history

Oh fuck that for a game of soldiers. Imagine taking a tofu sandwich to a hotel. Dump him because

  1. he's a vegan / fussy / restricted eater
  2. he has ridiculous ideas about eating out
  3. he has shown you he has form for ridiculous tofu-related behaviour
  4. he is not interested in holidays or eating out for pleasure.

Thank U, next.

Appalonia · 12/03/2025 22:59

Dump him and go out and have a big juicy burger to celebrate kicking this fun sucking man out of your life!😂

macaroniandcheeze · 12/03/2025 22:58

The veganism excuse is BS in this day and age. Coupled with the beach and cinema problems it’s clearly not a veganism issue, he’s just introverted/anxious/boring.

3678194b · 12/03/2025 22:57

Wow that seems difficult. I think I would become bored of that. Not even a takeaway?

HomeBodyClub · 12/03/2025 22:57

It wouldn’t bother me too much if it was only that but it sounds like he doesn’t do anything.

ShriekingTrespasser · 12/03/2025 22:56

His dedication seems rather intense. There's a lot around this intensity which will be just as negative as not eating out.
Humans are social animals and our rituals of sharing food for occasions is a big part of life.
We're unique in the animal kingdom around that. Where other animals eat by themselves for their survival, humans eat socially and those who eat alone often don't do as well as those who eat with others.
So, that'll be a no for me.