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Original poster

New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

917 replies

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:43

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

OP posts:
Saphire123 · 13/03/2025 00:12

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 00:09

Possible. Is that better?

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An explanation, not necessarily better.

NewMarmiteJar · 13/03/2025 00:12

Unless he's a professional chef get rid mate.

Hattie907 · 13/03/2025 00:10

HolidayHattie · 13/03/2025 00:06

Just placemarking in the hope we get to learn his justification for drinking non-vegan beer and wine.

I'd dump him just for drinking Fosters - nothing to do with it's vegan status, it's a terrible beer and shows very poor taste.

Yeah, Fosters and a tofu sandwich… 🤔

OP, I couldn’t have sex with him after the tofu sandwich. That would have been it. 😆

Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 00:09

Saphire123 · 13/03/2025 00:06

Could he have a phobia about eating in public?

Possible. Is that better?

OP posts:
Matsukaze · 13/03/2025 00:06

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 23:20

I actually can't fucking believe this.

Foster's isn't vegan??

He gets it delivered every week.

It's the beer he always at home.

So he's drinking a non vegan beer but he won't even come to lunch at the restaurant where I work because he thinks they'll hide hotdogs in his hommous.

I'm honestly speechless. I will tell him about the Foster's to see what he says but I don't think ill be much impressed with his answers.

Foster's isn't vegan. Well. Well. A less strong woman would bloody text him that now.

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Can't wait for the update on what his reply is to this. 🍿at the ready!

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/03/2025 00:06

Stirabout · 12/03/2025 23:50

There aren’t many vegetarians or vegans that would either buy or cook meat.
Speaking as a veggie since 1980.

Maybe they are vegan for health reasons but anyone who does it for the love of animals would never cook them , it’s not exactly showing love.

Its very rare.

Agree entirely with the first line though, but lots of people make those sort of sweeping ridiculous comments …..

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Well it happened.

Perhaps I dont know all the veggies/vegans you know.

Deedeesharpwhatkindoflady · 13/03/2025 00:06

He sounds like hard work and this is only the beginning.
Bye bye matey.

HolidayHattie · 13/03/2025 00:06

Just placemarking in the hope we get to learn his justification for drinking non-vegan beer and wine.

I'd dump him just for drinking Fosters - nothing to do with it's vegan status, it's a terrible beer and shows very poor taste.

Saphire123 · 13/03/2025 00:06

Could he have a phobia about eating in public?

Mmhmmn · 13/03/2025 00:03

Incompatible. Move on.

Weepixie · 13/03/2025 00:02

Op, take one for the team and let someone else have the pleasure of this charmers company.

Nodddy · 12/03/2025 23:59

Ugh. Vegans. Absolutely not.

NewMarmiteJar · 12/03/2025 23:58

Thank you, next!

Stirabout · 12/03/2025 23:55

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 23:51

This is very well said.

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Although if he is a strict vegan then any cross contamination ie cooking on a pan that has remnants of dairy on would make the food non vegan
In fact it would make it non vegan whether strict or not

However

Any decent restaurant these days uses separate cooking equipment in a separated space and in fact without that they would fail their inspections

Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 23:51

Ladamesansmerci · 12/03/2025 23:49

I'm vegan and this is frankly just stupid.

Veganism is about minimising the harm to animals, which you do by not contributing to the supply and demand chain of animal produce. Your vegan dish accidentally being cooked in a pan where dairy has been, or being sat next to a meat dish on the counter, does not contribute to demand for animal products.

Dump him and find someone you can enjoy a meal with without it being a hassle.

This is very well said.

OP posts:
Kevinbaconsrealwife · 12/03/2025 23:51

He’s sounding worse by the minute….

Stirabout · 12/03/2025 23:50

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/03/2025 23:42

Unfair.

I have lots of vegan friends and they make a great effort to feed us meat eaters as we feed them.

A friend had a BBQ and cooked vegan options on the BBQ and asked to borrow a baking tray, duly loaned. Went round to said tray full of meat sausages, burgers and chicken. We do the same for them.

However the "Romesh Vegan" is annoying.

Show quote history

There aren’t many vegetarians or vegans that would either buy or cook meat.
Speaking as a veggie since 1980.

Maybe they are vegan for health reasons but anyone who does it for the love of animals would never cook them , it’s not exactly showing love.

Its very rare.

Agree entirely with the first line though, but lots of people make those sort of sweeping ridiculous comments …..

Ladamesansmerci · 12/03/2025 23:49

I'm vegan and this is frankly just stupid.

Veganism is about minimising the harm to animals, which you do by not contributing to the supply and demand chain of animal produce. Your vegan dish accidentally being cooked in a pan where dairy has been, or being sat next to a meat dish on the counter, does not contribute to demand for animal products.

Dump him and find someone you can enjoy a meal with without it being a hassle.

samarrange · 12/03/2025 23:46

I get being vegan as a choice to try and avoid eating animal products, but the idea that if you go to a restaurant and two flakes of grated cheese accidentally land in your food then the food is somehow "contaminated" is bonkers. In effect it's making up your own religion, where some self-created deity will punish you for not following the rules. Someone like this will probably have all kinds of other "no-walking-on-the-cracks" habits too.

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/03/2025 23:45

NZDreaming · 12/03/2025 23:41

@Beautifulbouquet the refusing to eat has nothing to do with being vegan, it’s an excuse. I would guess it’s some type of OCD/anxiety, either of others preparing food out of his sight or perhaps he has issues with eating in public. He may genuinely fear contamination, perhaps he had a bad experience in the past, regardless of the cause it sounds like a mental health issue. Whatever the reason it’s not logical and unless he recognises this and tries to address it it’s not going to get better. It’s a big issue to be dealing with in a new relationship and unless he was amazing in all other aspects I’d be thinking to maybe pass on him.

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Have to agree with this. sounds like either OCD or an ED being disguised by veganism. I disguised my ED with my job. Everyone thought that my dangerous weight loss was caused by my mad job (25000 steps a day was not unusual) but in fact I was doing that AND not eating.

But it doesnt alter the fact that this isnt a relationship I would want to be in.

Stirabout · 12/03/2025 23:45

newsateleven · 12/03/2025 23:42

Jamie Oliver's restaurants are reheated boil in the bag garbage, it's a money grab.

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Agree. I was shocked when the chef didn’t actually know the ingredients of the pannacotta. It arrived in dried format 🤮
Went once
Never again

ThatDoesntWorkForMe · 12/03/2025 23:44

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 12/03/2025 22:55

If he's happy to cook for you, at your place or his, and bring nice picnics when you go out places together, what's the problem?

I've worked (as a chef) in plenty of catering establishments, and as a direct result, don't trust them all either <to not contaminate my food, have shoddy hygiene standards, &/ or use unhealthy/ unethical ingredients>

I much prefer to make my own food, so I can be sure of what I'm eating and its provenance (and eat more organic, relatively unprocessed wholefoods).

My brother (also a former chef) isn't vegan, but hardly ever eats out either - again he prefers to make his own food, and know exactly where it's come from.

I also don't like the fact that most of the profits usually go to the owners, and however skilled and hard-working the cooks, servers and other staff are, they usually get paid at close to minimum wage. Why would I want to support that industry? I prefer to frequent places that operate differently, eg as workers co-ops, but they are few and far between in this country.

Limited in going out with friends, to celebrations, holidays, parties etc.

But mostly, this level of rigidity so early on is unlikely to be limited to just food. I mean I’d understand if it was a severe allergy - but to be fair even then a lot of people are more flexible than this. Life is too short.

It’s just not… well… sexy at all!

cantpullthetrigger · 12/03/2025 23:44

Partners are supposed to add to your life. He will only drain the joy from yours.

Move on I say.

Life's too short for killjoys.

Elphamouche · 12/03/2025 23:44

Get the fuck out 😂😂😂

viques · 12/03/2025 23:43

If you carry on with the relationship he will be going through your fridge, freezer and cupboards and making sure you haven’t sneaked in any of the bad food, then he will start asking you what you ate for lunch and make you clean your teeth before you kiss him.

He won’t relax this obsession and will drag you into it by wearing you down inch by inch.