Page 30 | New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

AlertCoralRobin · 13/03/2025 01:08

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 13/03/2025 01:05

I went to a wedding if two fun-living vegans. The whole buffet was vegan and so blimming good! I always think food where something isn’t there is always made so much more tastier with all the extras meat-eaters, say, don’t focus on. They had a HUGE spice rack!

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Yeah vegetables can taste nice...

CarolinaWren · 13/03/2025 01:06

Foundanotherwrinkle · 13/03/2025 00:38

To be fair my son ordered a vegetarian mushroom risotto in a pub last year and when it came he wasn't eating it so I asked what was wrong with it, he said it's meat. I told the barmaid, she dismissed our concerns and said it's definitely mushrooms, they're just meaty ones. He tried another little bit and insisted it was meat so I had a look and it was not mushrooms. I took the plate and showed the barmaid, she took it out the back to show the chef, came back five minutes later, Sorry that was actually beef, he read the order wrong 🙄

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I have serious allergies and I never eat out due to incidents exactly like that.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 13/03/2025 01:05

HerbalBovril · 12/03/2025 23:12

What/how would he eat at his OWN wedding?! 😂

I went to a wedding if two fun-living vegans. The whole buffet was vegan and so blimming good! I always think food where something isn’t there is always made so much more tastier with all the extras meat-eaters, say, don’t focus on. They had a HUGE spice rack!

AlertCoralRobin · 13/03/2025 00:59

Are you vegan

TheSandgroper · 13/03/2025 00:53

@PyongyangKipperbang I am not suggesting that OP should be looking for management techniques but just to bring clarity to her thinking, that’s all.

Then she can make a more informed decision (rather than listening to the Mumsnet hive mind all saying one thing and one thing only). My own opinion is firmly with the hive mind.

LonelyLeveret · 13/03/2025 00:52

Never mind the disinterest in doing anything fun, only black clothes, weird restaurant hang ups and restrictive diet...... the tofu sandwich in a hotel room would have immediately killed it for me. This sounds tedious and completely joyless. It will become a source of constant frustration for you.

crumblingschools · 13/03/2025 00:48

And his good points are?

JFDIYOLO · 13/03/2025 00:47

Won't dine out skinny black clothes only cold tofu sandwich filthy unhygienic kitchen man. I have a perverse desire to know more.

Absolutely. What happened when you told him about the Foster's and asked him about going to a vegan restaurant?

mumda · 13/03/2025 00:44

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 00:09

Possible. Is that better?

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No.

Dump him.

It's you not him. You want a normal life.

Weepixie · 13/03/2025 00:42

Op, the more you say the more I suspect Sandgroper is onto something.

Foundanotherwrinkle · 13/03/2025 00:38

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 12/03/2025 22:53

As a vegan, I find his ‘contamination’ concern pretty disproportionate: it’s not an allergy and it’s spoiling every single meal out for his whole life. He should provably trust that a vegan menu is a vegan menu - mislabelling in restaurants is against the law. I’ve copied info below:

Consumer Rights Act and Sale of Goods Act:
A restaurant claiming a dish is vegan when it isn't could be liable under the Consumer Rights Act or the Sale of Goods Act for misdescription.

Deliberately adding animal products:
Deliberately adding meat to a vegan meal would be a breach of the legal rights of vegan diners.

Businesses must tell customers if their products contain any of the 14 listed allergens:
These allergens include crustaceans, eggs, fish, milk, molluscs.

I really do think him having such extreme mistrust and fear of contamination isn’t normal.

To be fair my son ordered a vegetarian mushroom risotto in a pub last year and when it came he wasn't eating it so I asked what was wrong with it, he said it's meat. I told the barmaid, she dismissed our concerns and said it's definitely mushrooms, they're just meaty ones. He tried another little bit and insisted it was meat so I had a look and it was not mushrooms. I took the plate and showed the barmaid, she took it out the back to show the chef, came back five minutes later, Sorry that was actually beef, he read the order wrong 🙄

IridiumSky · 13/03/2025 00:38

What a boring bloke.

Some people have nothing to worry about.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/03/2025 00:36

KimberleyClark · 13/03/2025 00:33

Me neither. Tofu is revolting.

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And so is Fosters.....so revolting squared!

sellotapechicken · 13/03/2025 00:35

Bin him off

KimberleyClark · 13/03/2025 00:33

Hattie907 · 13/03/2025 00:10

Yeah, Fosters and a tofu sandwich… 🤔

OP, I couldn’t have sex with him after the tofu sandwich. That would have been it. 😆

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Me neither. Tofu is revolting.

NewMarmiteJar · 13/03/2025 00:33

NewMarmiteJar · 13/03/2025 00:12

Unless he's a professional chef get rid mate.

Sorry hasn't read all of thread!

Won't dine out skinny black clothes only cold tofu sandwich filthy unhygienic kitchen man.

I have a perverse desire to know more.

Jumpingthruhoops · 13/03/2025 00:32

This is a new boyfriend you say? Wow, he sounds like a complete catch 😏

I'd try and swerve if I were you...

MsAmerica · 13/03/2025 00:31

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:43

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

Lol. I could never be with anyone like that. It's a level of fanaticism I'd find unbearable. I hope that you're making him do all the cooking.

vickylou78 · 13/03/2025 00:30

He sounds incredibly hard work Op!

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/03/2025 00:30

TheSandgroper · 13/03/2025 00:26

I know his food choices are the reason at the moment for you to be wondering about him but I bet if you give him a hard look there will be some really weird stuff happening.

1). Food rigidity
2). Poor housekeeping
3). Clothing rigidity

Honestly, if you want ideas about your future together, may I suggest a quiet read through https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5245372-married-to-someone-with-aspergersasdnd-support-thread-14?page=18&reply=141871489 because you might find some parallels in there.

And although you may be right, in fact I think you are, why should the OP have to find ways to deal with it or excuse it?

She is seeing him as a boyfriend, she isnt living with him or married to him. So its perfectly ok for her to say "nope, not for me" and move on. She has no moral duty to stay in a relationship with him just because his issues may have a diagnosis behind them.

vickylou78 · 13/03/2025 00:30

TheSandgroper · 13/03/2025 00:26

I know his food choices are the reason at the moment for you to be wondering about him but I bet if you give him a hard look there will be some really weird stuff happening.

1). Food rigidity
2). Poor housekeeping
3). Clothing rigidity

Honestly, if you want ideas about your future together, may I suggest a quiet read through https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5245372-married-to-someone-with-aspergersasdnd-support-thread-14?page=18&reply=141871489 because you might find some parallels in there.

Add to this he doesn't want to drive and won't go to cinema etc.

TheSandgroper · 13/03/2025 00:26

I know his food choices are the reason at the moment for you to be wondering about him but I bet if you give him a hard look there will be some really weird stuff happening.

1). Food rigidity
2). Poor housekeeping
3). Clothing rigidity

Honestly, if you want ideas about your future together, may I suggest a quiet read through https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5245372-married-to-someone-with-aspergersasdnd-support-thread-14?page=18&reply=141871489 because you might find some parallels in there.

Page 18 | Married to someone with Asperger's/ASD/ND: support thread 14 | Mumsnet

_New thread._ __ _This thread is for those of us seeking to explore the dynamics of long term relationships with our ND partners. Some of us are ND ou...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5245372-married-to-someone-with-aspergersasdnd-support-thread-14?page=18&reply=141871489

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/03/2025 00:25

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 00:19

I'm feeling like what is the point in discussing the issue.

Also I am terrified he will back down and agree to go out for a meal now.

As it stands I can just say he's brilliant but sadly my main interest in / motivation in having a boyfriend is someone to go out for dinner with.

And we can hopefully just both accept this sad reality of two souls mates sadly cut asunder through incompatability without me ever having to listen to a stupid word that comes out of his mouth.

Also I wanted to do pub quiz last night and even though we were already in the pub he said no so we sat there trying to talk while all the questions were being read out. Maybe there would have been a question about bacon.

He also refuses to wear anything that isn't black. Because his favourite colour is black.

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Oh christ he sound insufferable!

I wear mainly black because I used to be very fat and it was my "hide away" colour and now its all I feel happy wearing but it isnt a fucking statement!

How old is he? Because he sound like Paul Heaton, a man who cannot accept that he isnt an angst ridden 19 year old student anymore. Fucking bin him off mate, you can do SO much better than this.

ETA as someone who quizzes at a hobby, he would have been dumped on the spot!

Original poster

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 00:19

Matsukaze · 13/03/2025 00:06

Can't wait for the update on what his reply is to this. 🍿at the ready!

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I'm feeling like what is the point in discussing the issue.

Also I am terrified he will back down and agree to go out for a meal now.

As it stands I can just say he's brilliant but sadly my main interest in / motivation in having a boyfriend is someone to go out for dinner with.

And we can hopefully just both accept this sad reality of two souls mates sadly cut asunder through incompatability without me ever having to listen to a stupid word that comes out of his mouth.

Also I wanted to do pub quiz last night and even though we were already in the pub he said no so we sat there trying to talk while all the questions were being read out. Maybe there would have been a question about bacon.

He also refuses to wear anything that isn't black. Because his favourite colour is black.

OP posts:

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/03/2025 00:15

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 00:09

Possible. Is that better?

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No.

Because whatever the issue is, he isnt open to dealing with it. If he is determined to pin in on to his veganism, whatever you say will be shot down. Ultimately, what he wants to do now is all he will want to do, at best, going forward it may be even less.

As a I said, I know a lot of veggies/vegans and the vegans especially are knowledgable on what alcohol is vegan and what isnt. The fact that he gets weekly deliveries of a non vegan beer suggest that his fear of contamination isnt about meat. Probably does have a fear of contamination but is putting under this handy (and fashionable) label of veganism so no one questions him.

The fact is, your life with him will be joyless and not something you want. Why sign up for that?