Page 18 | New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

Beautifulbouquet · 2025-03-12T22:43:21+00:00

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever. He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me. I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to. His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food. I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

Horses7 · 13/03/2025 11:58

Sadly he has more hang ups than a dry cleaners - relationships aren’t meant to be so miserable! You know he’s got to go, it’s not going to improve and could get worse.
He most likely needs professional help

Hattie907 · 13/03/2025 11:57

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 13/03/2025 11:51

I think it’s a fair question with this guy but not because he’s a fussy eater but because of his contamination comment. I knew someone with OCD who insisted on a shower immediately after sex (which became quite offensive for my friend) - and oral sex was out of the question - just giving of course. 🙄

Absolutely a fair question about this guy. But the PP was talking about fussy eaters in general and I've noticed it raised on other threads.
It's a ridiculous generalisation .

I think it’s simply because some people may unfairly associate fussy eaters with lack of experimentation in other areas of their life like sex perhaps. So I don’t think it’s completely illogical although I do think it’s unfair and I’m sure it isn’t the case.

TroysMammy · 13/03/2025 11:56

Too exhausting. Dump him you're not compatible.

Bitofanchange · 13/03/2025 11:56

gamerchick · 13/03/2025 11:53

He's properly set in his ways and you will have to bend around him if you make a relationship together.

Only you know if you're willing or not.

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Or he could bend round the OP if he is willing enough!

LlynTegid · 13/03/2025 11:55

At least he has told you early on. Whatever his reasons, you can now decide to end the relationship knowing this, or continue.

My first thought upon reading this was wondering what his view of Morrissey is, as he won't eat anywhere where meat is served.

gamerchick · 13/03/2025 11:53

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:47

I haven't even thought about holidays!! He did say once that he would never go on a beach holiday. I don't think he's been on holiday for 6 years actually. He also doesn't like going to the cinema as he doesn't like sitting still for long periods.

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He's properly set in his ways and you will have to bend around him if you make a relationship together.

Only you know if you're willing or not.

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 13/03/2025 11:51

I think it’s a fair question with this guy but not because he’s a fussy eater but because of his contamination comment. I knew someone with OCD who insisted on a shower immediately after sex (which became quite offensive for my friend) - and oral sex was out of the question - just giving of course. 🙄

Absolutely a fair question about this guy. But the PP was talking about fussy eaters in general and I've noticed it raised on other threads.
It's a ridiculous generalisation .

lily219 · 13/03/2025 11:51

I wonder if many vegans worry about the 'meat' that they unknowingly consume? A small amount of some contaminants (insects etc) are permitted in, for instance, flour. Then there are the tiny aphids you occasionally unknowingly eat on salads and vegetables. These can't be avoided. It's fine to be vegan and a great thing for the environment, but people have to be realistic about it. Refusing to eat out ever is taking things too far.

lifeonmars100 · 13/03/2025 11:48

Couldn't be doing with this, too much faffiing and not much fun, plus if he is like this at the start of a relationship what will he be like as time goes on?

TulipCat · 13/03/2025 11:48

The "racist kitchen cupboards" is beyond the pale!

Hattie907 · 13/03/2025 11:47

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 13/03/2025 11:39

This question comes up regularly on threads about fussy eaters and I never really understand why.

I have ARFID which means I'm a very fussy eater. I can't help it, I basically have a phobia of food.

However, I'm very adventurous in all other aspects of my life. Including in my relationships. Just because I don't enjoy food doesn't mean I don't enjoy life.

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I think it’s a fair question with this guy but not because he’s a fussy eater but because of his contamination comment. I knew someone with OCD who insisted on a shower immediately after sex (which became quite offensive for my friend) - and oral sex was out of the question - just giving of course. 🙄

Nchanged89 · 13/03/2025 11:46

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 11:42

Yes he is in Antifa...I just thought he was anti racism and anti fascism?? I will Google it.

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Oh come on OP.

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 13/03/2025 11:45

Adventurous eating is one of life's great joys

Not for everyone. Doesn't make them boring.

Words · 13/03/2025 11:42

I couldn't be with a vegan or anyone who was a fussy eater. Beige flags.

Adventurous eating is one of life's great joys, as is travelling.

This man will have you cabinned, cribbed and confined - ie so restricted OP . Throw him back in the pond.

Maybe there is someone of his own kind out there, who will share his tofu sandwich in the cheap hotel room over a can of Fosters.

Thelnebriati · 13/03/2025 11:42

It sound like his veganism is related to control issues, which isn't that unusual.

Original poster

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 11:42

sidebirds · 13/03/2025 11:38

is he a member of Antifa? 😂😂😂

Bin him today! 🙏👌🏾

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Yes he is in Antifa...I just thought he was anti racism and anti fascism?? I will Google it.

OP posts:

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 13/03/2025 11:39

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 13/03/2025 10:32

Im always intrigued at whether these fussy eaters extend their fussiness into sexual activities? If you’ve stayed in a hotel with him and his tofu sandwich did he actually show you a good time in bed? I’m guessing no but maybe I’m wrong!

This question comes up regularly on threads about fussy eaters and I never really understand why.

I have ARFID which means I'm a very fussy eater. I can't help it, I basically have a phobia of food.

However, I'm very adventurous in all other aspects of my life. Including in my relationships. Just because I don't enjoy food doesn't mean I don't enjoy life.

sidebirds · 13/03/2025 11:38

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 09:32

Thank you I'm catching up with replies now.

I honestly felt bothered by this but only reading your replies I understand why.

He also has repeatedly called me racist. This is because I organise my cupboards my cuisine type: Italian, Japanese and Indian as these are three of my favourite cuisines to cook. Means the pesto and soy sauce or tamarind can each be quickly found.

He has repeatedly said this is racist and To those asking what his good points are I can't honestly remember. I honestly can't think what was going through my head.

is he a member of Antifa? 😂😂😂

Bin him today! 🙏👌🏾

AnnListersBlister · 13/03/2025 11:38

HousedInMySoul · 12/03/2025 23:01

It sounds more like an eating disorder than veganism. I can't imagine how horrible a cold raw tofu sandwich would be 😱

Me too and I've been vegan for 23 years! Can we not 'vegan bash' for this thread please. I love eating out, love my food and wine and this bloke would drive me nuts! This isn't a 'vegan issue' at all!

Original poster

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 11:35

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 13/03/2025 11:32

Is this the same boyfriend OP? If it's a different one you have very bad luck with men.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5276542-dating-a-fantasist?postsby=Beautifulbouquet

It's a different one 😂

Basically if someone asks me out I se to say yes thinking I may as well then only afterwards think if it a good idea

So I'm not sure I have bad luck so much as I underestimate how many people are quite strange

OP posts:

sidebirds · 13/03/2025 11:34

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 13/03/2025 09:03

This guy's brother also would only eat about three vegetables. His partner and I used to text frequently with new ideas of how we could hide vegetables in food without them realising.

Agreed. Removing "was gay" makes no difference to the meaning.

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Yes, why also bother mentioning the brother, the vegetables, the partner, or the texting for fear of offence? Simply keep the page blank 👍🏾

Original poster

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 11:32

sidebirds · 13/03/2025 11:29

Stop being so miserable. the brother's homosexuality is a key part of the story, it fleshes it out and adds colour 👌🏾

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It's just that his partner was a man... Ie not just women pandering to bizarre food demands. And he was hilarious and used to make me laugh a lot with his cunning schemes to hide vegetables so I guess in my memory the fact this person was a man made the situation somehow funnier as we excitedly swopped tales.

But you're right it's not really relevant and sorry if it seemed jarring.

OP posts:

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 13/03/2025 11:32

Is this the same boyfriend OP? If it's a different one you have very bad luck with men.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5276542-dating-a-fantasist?postsby=Beautifulbouquet

Neurotoxic · 13/03/2025 11:31

Lol at all the posters acting like veganism is the issue here because they have to believe vegans are crazy so they don't have to think about these things themselves.
Anyway this guy has OCD about food or something, accidental contamination isn't really part of veganism it's a personal thing. Veganism is about the choices you knowingly make.
And if his kitchen is filthy you know the toilet hasn't been cleaned in forever.

sidebirds · 13/03/2025 11:29

Quinlan · 13/03/2025 09:00

Sorry, whats the relevance of this guy’s brother being gay? You’re talking about aspects of these men which you didn’t like (the fussy eating) so why comment about his brother’s sexuality as if it is also an insult? It’s kind of shown you in a pretty bad light actually.

As for the guy you’re currently dating; he just sounds like a total drip. End if, find someone else. There are lots of men.

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Stop being so miserable. the brother's homosexuality is a key part of the story, it fleshes it out and adds colour 👌🏾