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AIBU?

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Original poster

New boyfriend won't dine out. Ever.

917 replies

Beautifulbouquet · 12/03/2025 22:43

I've started seeing someone. He told me yesterday that he doesn't like dining out. Ever.

He would rather I cook or he cooks and if the relationship continues will apparently never go out for brunch or lunch or dinner with me.

I could of course dine out with friends without him. He would not come for example to any meal with friends he was invited to.

His reason is he is vegan and he says he doesn't trust chefs not to contaminate his food.

I honestly feel like saying I cannot see this relationship going anywhere.

OP posts:
GiddyRobin · 14/03/2025 00:05

Fair enough, OP, we're all different. I think the calling you racist over your cupboard organisation would have been enough to have me not caring much about how he felt, that's super insulting. But if this is more comfortable for you, then it's best to stick with what you think right if it'll make you feel guilty to do otherwise.

Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 14/03/2025 00:01

He's said it before. Often.

I don't dump people by text. I don't think it's a great thing to do when you can meet and give time to a proper conversation.

I am fading things out so it's less of a shock and I don't want a drawn out conversation but please I'm not interested in dumping people by text, blocking people you've slept with and had good times with etc

This is a real person with real feelings and although it has been good to vent some frustrations I don't think eating a tofu sandwich or having a restaurant phobia is any reason for me to abandon my values of respect and compassion

OP posts:
GiddyRobin · 13/03/2025 23:47

How long have you been dating him, OP? The fact he's texted you something so important is frankly odd in itself. Certainly not a texting thing.

And tbh, if he can text something like that then I don't see why you can't break up via text, either. He obviously thinks it's a fine way to communicate important things!

Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 22:57

He's texted me he loved me about two hours ago

I don't know what to say

I'll meet up with him face to face. I'm not a dump and block kind of person unless someone has behaved awfully, which he hadn't. We're just incompatible.

OP posts:
Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 13/03/2025 22:55

AnnListersBlister · 13/03/2025 15:28

Thank you for this post. I too feel sad saying this but without being ableist because I am sure there are perfect partners out there for people with ASD however presenting, but I dated someone with ASD for a few years and her presentation of it was so, so hard for me that it did me quite a lot of damage-I should have walked away much, much earlier to enable her (and me!) to find someone more suited. Please take heed OP.

Show quote history

I'm another one who dated an ASD man (who didn't know he was ASD, he thought his behaviour was normal and right and the rest of the entire world was wrong) and it has scarred me forever. He was a lovely lovely man within his capabilities, but the narrow rigidity of his life (which, again, he thought was completely normal) was not something I could put up with.

Matsukaze · 13/03/2025 20:54

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 13:52

@Ionut I'm waiting for him to get in touch whilst hoping he won't

I have got stuff at his I need (within the next few days)

I'm worried if I say it's the eating out thing he'll say we can go out (then probably it will never happen or he'll go and not order anything)

I'm doing that cowardly thing where you hope they kind of figure out you're losing interest

Who knows...maybe he was going off me and he said he'd never eat a meal out as he knew it would put me off

Maybe he's been trying to get rid of me all this time

Imagining him texting his mate (FFS I even crumbled raw tofu onto cold bread just before we were going to have sex and she still won't fucking break up with me!!!)

🤣🤣🤣💀

Wwwagonwheels · 13/03/2025 18:36

I have been on long haul flights & I have ordered vegan food

The best vegan meal I have ever eaten was in Vietnam in a vegan restaurant. The Ingredients were so fresh ! Multiple small courses. The meal was like theatre.

I am actually vegetarian, but I eat lots of vegan food.

As someone else said, there are always stir fried vegetables, curries, fresh fruit.

This guy has too many food & non food restrictions

Move on !

Pensionableperil · 13/03/2025 18:32

You want to be kind to this man? Don’t go for the fizzle option. Be entirely specific and end it with grace. If he is as divergent as suspected he won’t get the slow fade at all.

Comedycook · 13/03/2025 18:27

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 13:52

@Ionut I'm waiting for him to get in touch whilst hoping he won't

I have got stuff at his I need (within the next few days)

I'm worried if I say it's the eating out thing he'll say we can go out (then probably it will never happen or he'll go and not order anything)

I'm doing that cowardly thing where you hope they kind of figure out you're losing interest

Who knows...maybe he was going off me and he said he'd never eat a meal out as he knew it would put me off

Maybe he's been trying to get rid of me all this time

Imagining him texting his mate (FFS I even crumbled raw tofu onto cold bread just before we were going to have sex and she still won't fucking break up with me!!!)

Oh op...this really made me laugh. You sound good fun...give this guy a swerve and find someone more suited to you.

happystrummer · 13/03/2025 18:23

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 17:15

Thank you!! It saves so much time trying to find things...plus seems to stop stuff getting forgotten about and gives me meal ideas.

I can't think of a downside to it. There are only three ...Japanese, Italian and Indian as that's what I cook most often.

Just feels like negging him harping on about it all the time

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Mine are Turkish Indian and Italian😀 makes life so much easier

AnnListersBlister · 13/03/2025 18:13

tothelefttotheleft · 13/03/2025 17:32

@Beautifulbouquet

Tofu is not meant to be eaten straight out of the packet. It's plain without anything on it. You need to give it flavour. How weird.

Smoked or marinated could be passable in an emergency I guess?

tothelefttotheleft · 13/03/2025 17:32

@Beautifulbouquet

Tofu is not meant to be eaten straight out of the packet. It's plain without anything on it. You need to give it flavour. How weird.

Appalonia · 13/03/2025 17:21

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 17:15

Thank you!! It saves so much time trying to find things...plus seems to stop stuff getting forgotten about and gives me meal ideas.

I can't think of a downside to it. There are only three ...Japanese, Italian and Indian as that's what I cook most often.

Just feels like negging him harping on about it all the time

Show quote history

It's a brilliant idea, my spice/ pastes cupboard is a mess! Wish you could come round and organise my stuff! It's so easy to forget what you have. And your bloke is a dick.
' Racism'? I've never heard anything so ridiculous in all my life...

Ionut · 13/03/2025 17:16

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 17:15

Thank you!! It saves so much time trying to find things...plus seems to stop stuff getting forgotten about and gives me meal ideas.

I can't think of a downside to it. There are only three ...Japanese, Italian and Indian as that's what I cook most often.

Just feels like negging him harping on about it all the time

Show quote history

Can't think of a downside?? How about the RACISM??

Original poster
Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 17:15

Appalonia · 13/03/2025 17:01

Just wanted to say, I think your way of organizing your cooking ingredients is GENIUS! I think I want to do it that way too, makes so much sense.😁

Thank you!! It saves so much time trying to find things...plus seems to stop stuff getting forgotten about and gives me meal ideas.

I can't think of a downside to it. There are only three ...Japanese, Italian and Indian as that's what I cook most often.

Just feels like negging him harping on about it all the time

OP posts:
NaomhPadraigin · 13/03/2025 17:02

Miyagi99 · 13/03/2025 16:54

Loads of vegan options in Marrakech!

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It's not finding the vegan restaurant options that are the issue, it's finding supermarket tofu to bring back and eat in your room.

Appalonia · 13/03/2025 17:01

Just wanted to say, I think your way of organizing your cooking ingredients is GENIUS! I think I want to do it that way too, makes so much sense.😁

Miyagi99 · 13/03/2025 16:54

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 13:42

Oh God we'd be trawling the streets of Marrakech hunting for tofu to munch in our hotel room which has the curtains shut wouldn't we

Also I'm remembering that when we went to the hotel he didn't shower.

It was a one night stay. I showered evening before we went out then in the morning.

He didn't shower. I didn't ask why not (we didn't have sex in part because the tofu sandwich really put off any sexy thoughts I had). But I'm wondering if he thought the hotel water might also be contaminating.

If he has these fears if course that's sad and difficult. But I don't want to spend my life at home.

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Loads of vegan options in Marrakech!

ShodAndShadySenators · 13/03/2025 16:49

The pantry segragation reminds me of that poor poster who was accused of racism because she organised her washing powder for whites and powder for colours into discrete labelled jars.

It's practicality and sensible organisation to the majority of us, laundry apartheid to a weird minority.

Just think how much material OP now has for those threads about the weird boyfriends that pop up every so often...

Miyagi99 · 13/03/2025 16:49

This is just an excuse, loads of vegan options and vegan only restaurants, the UK is very good with dietary and allergy restrictions. I know lots of vegans (and have followed a vegan diet in the past myself) and it doesn’t prevent anyone eating out nowadays.

BunnyLake · 13/03/2025 16:48

He’ll be saying cooking ‘foreign’ food is cultural appropriation next.

BunnyLake · 13/03/2025 16:44

NaomhPadraigin · 13/03/2025 15:33

..calling my cupboards racist (which he's done at least 10 times)...

So it wasn't a one-off, brain fart comment? He legitimately thinks not putting your soy sauce with your guacamole, or your Thai green curry with your ketchup is racist - the mind boggles 🤯😖

Supermarkets must be racist then because they put each separate cuisine together too.

RampantIvy · 13/03/2025 16:43

Beautifulbouquet · 13/03/2025 16:14

Because we've been dating a really short while ..I don't need to leave him. I can just pass on any opportunities to drink beer with him and not offer to cook for him again.

I don't want a deep conversation when it's not warranted. We dated for a while...it fizzled out.

Plus I'd like to get my stuff from his without it being tense, awkward and resentful.

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Won't he notice when you take your toothbrush home?

dovetail22uk · 13/03/2025 16:36

Ionut · 13/03/2025 16:23

The violence.

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How else would women have got the vote if it wasn't for the suffragettes committing arson, bombings of infrastructure (without harming people), and other forms of direct action because peaceful methods had largely been ignored? They were met with brutal state violence—beaten, imprisoned, and force-fed during hunger strikes. Similarly, resistance movements against fascist regimes in the 20th century had to use force because those in power would not relinquish control voluntarily. Is one kind of violence okay but another not?

Yerblues · 13/03/2025 16:27

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 12/03/2025 22:55

If he's happy to cook for you, at your place or his, and bring nice picnics when you go out places together, what's the problem?

I've worked (as a chef) in plenty of catering establishments, and as a direct result, don't trust them all either <to not contaminate my food, have shoddy hygiene standards, &/ or use unhealthy/ unethical ingredients>

I much prefer to make my own food, so I can be sure of what I'm eating and its provenance (and eat more organic, relatively unprocessed wholefoods).

My brother (also a former chef) isn't vegan, but hardly ever eats out either - again he prefers to make his own food, and know exactly where it's come from.

I also don't like the fact that most of the profits usually go to the owners, and however skilled and hard-working the cooks, servers and other staff are, they usually get paid at close to minimum wage. Why would I want to support that industry? I prefer to frequent places that operate differently, eg as workers co-ops, but they are few and far between in this country.

How depressing to be so tight and suspicious of everything.

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