Why would a mum block a friendship? Playdate exclusion

Some just like to socialise with their friends and their dc. It’s easier with people they already know. New people are more effort and outside their comfort zone.

Once they start walking to school on their own, they stop at the park, they start going to the shops. They make their own arrangements to meet at weekends. You’re not far off that stage.

She isn’t doing anything damaging.

Your reaction to this is what’s going to affect your child’s self esteem, because there isn’t actually a problem here. You’re just creating one.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that school mums can be weird. Don't take it personally. No reason they can't remain friends without your input.

arrange really fun stuff with other kids success is the best revenge!

And you very nearly at the age when mummy loses control entirely and the children manage their own friendships.

Maybe her child has told her they don’t actually want to have a play date. Maybe they’re concerned about something in your house (do you have a dog? a cat? are a smoker? Or she’s been told you have pets or smoke?) Or she’s concerned about where you live? Maybe her dc has had problems in the past with a neighbour or she’s had problems with a neighbour and is trying to avoid the drama without saying too much. I don’t think it necessarily has to be something about you and you might be taking it a bit too personally.

It sounds like you are just not her 'tribe' @Skymadeofdiamonds

There are people who actively seek out friendships for their DC as they want to get to know their parents. This is a tale as old as time.

You can't do anything. You can keep asking but just know they will decline.

It's a shame as the DC are missing out but they are nearly old enough to make their own arrangements for meeting up.

@Skymadeofdiamonds ignore her. Turn up with ear buds in and you humming along to something groovy and smile a lot. Don't let her know she's getting to you, not even a crack. Don't give the satisfaction. Be busy and ...bustling and....gone.

My absolute BFF (met when we were 5. Both 62 now) was subject to an awful controlling mother and boy did it eff her up. She and her three brothers have all been messed up actually.

In reality, my childhood was borderline neglectful. I certainly didn't have a lot of my needs met and if it was now, SS would probably get involved but I think my childhood did me more good in the long term than having a helicopter circling endlessly.

How do I support my child as child doesnt understand why friend cant play outside of school?

You reply oh well you can play in school and distract with something else.

It was a common issue first DC primary school - lots of trying to engireering friendships within parent body.

Though I did quietly drop one of the few who did want to meet up outside - as DD1 ddin't actually like her all that much - didn't want to do sleep over - and politely declining and them pushing it started to feel very off. I think looking back it was a potentail setting up for favors for them situation - more CF than anything else.

DS year at school was oddly full of OTT mothers - even teachers muttered about it - and did few times have experience of going to local public playground with my kids and the parents trying to get their kids to ignore mine who as they were all there didn't really care as were happy to play as sibling group but that did irritatate me as it was so unnecessary.

We moved due to work and found much more normal parents and kids got older and more independent anyway so less parental influence.

OP, this happened with my DS in Year 6. The other child used to beg his mum, in front of me and DS, to let DS go round and play with him. The mother would look embarrassed, look away, make feeble excuses. Yet I know he regularly had other kids round at his house.

My DS is (high-functioning) autistic. Ultimately I concluded that was the reason she didn't want him round. Words cannot express my contempt for her.

I’ve been like this with one other Mum, her little boy is rude and play dates are hard work, he’s cruel to my other child too. I get the impression she wanted to cultivate a relationship with me purely to palm off her child on me and so ‘we can help each other out’. But I don’t like her or the child. I’m a good judge of character and have had to be blunt. I don’t ignore her messages but I have said ‘sorry can’t make that date’ a few times now. She’d probably say I was odd or stand offish but I don’t care. I can see she’s a user.

Could the mother be shy and already knew the other mothers? It might have nothing to do with your or your child.

Unless there is behaviour you're not telling us about.

Do some people just like making little kids unhappy?
@Skymadeofdiamonds

Yeah some people do but that's a big dramatic leap here!

The only way to know is to ask her. But she either doesn’t like you or thinks you’ve done something to annoy her.

but by age 9 we were past arranged play dates and the kids just went out to play.

I agree 100% with this. If I had asked my DMum to play with me or arrange me playing with any other kids at school or in our village, she would have thought I had gone barmy. We sorted ourselves out and hung around with a variety of types both good and bad. It's part of growing up and being discerning.

I like going down telling the truth route

But the truth IS that you don't know!!

In fact, it's any speculation that ISNT the truth.

Your responses to this thread have been, interesting. An anecdote that puts this mother or her child as in the wrong - fab, cling on to that, you're all over that one. But an anecdote suggesting it might be something to do with you or your child - nope, absolutely not.

She doesn't have to know you to know she doesn't want to befriend you though. It doesn't work like that. You are probably lovely but most people I interact with probably are but I don't want to be friends with them.

It's not bullying and for you to go to that conclusion is worrying. She is allowed to not want to interact with you.

This.
If they're friends and fine at school, that's enough, surely.
At 9 all this "arranging playdates" stuff is bonkers anyway imo.
Can't ever remember my mum arranging "playdates" for me at that age, you just went and played with your friends!
At the risk of sounding like an old fart, it's daft nowadays. 😁
If they stay friends, they'll soon start arranging stuff themselves in a few years.
Stay away from batty clique mums for your own sanity and leave them to it. 😁

But if they are happily playing together at school then she can't be discouraging it all that much. Incidentally, I honestly don't get people's need for constant playdates outside of the school holidays - these kids are spending 6+ hours together everyday 5 days a week. It does sound like this mum isn't keen on wither you or your child though, but you will only find out why by having an awkward and confrontational conversation with her..

When my ds moved from nursery to reception one of the mums told me that she didn't want the boys (both at same nursery and only boys going to that school) going in together on their 1st day as "they aren't really friends are they".
I found out later that the mum didn't like my ds as her ds used to lie and tell her that my ds hurt him. The truth was (all through primary) that the other boy was horrible, used to bully the kids then go crying to teachers and mum that "everyone picks on me".
He regularly lied to get attention and to get out of trouble.
His mum was pathetic tbh.
Just wondered if she has been told untruths about your dd in the past and holds a grudge?

She’s doing it because she can.

you get weirdos like this OP. Give it back to her ten fold if you see her.