Why would a mum block a friendship? Playdate exclusion

It's call parenting. Most people do that. Of course it's normal.

You are just miffed because your child is not invited, which is understandable.

In what way is other mum weird?

I know it's upsetting but you need to let go of this being unfair and focus on ds and making sure he never knows you are upset by this. No one knows why the other mum is doing this. It's sad for your ds but ultimately the other mum owes you nothing and does not need to make your son happy. Focus on his having play dates or outings with kids who's parents don't do this.

sleepovers and playdates make the kids happy, what's the big deal? They like to see each other outside of school, outside of the class group.

Most people are busy, they don't happen that often, but surely if they haven't got clubs once, its' great they have friends they want to meet?

There is one child that I actively will not facilitate playdates with in my child's class despite her asking me for them. I don't dislike the child, and I'm not 'happy to make another child unhappy'. I'm just prioritising my own.

Reason being here that although my child genuinely likes the other one and will play with them in breaks, that this child is incredibly domineering and possessive over children who she considers her 'best friend'.

The other one is not a deliberately mean or spiteful child, she doesn't hit or cause big issues that would warrant making a giant fuss over. In other ways she's quite a sweetheart. But she does cause some issues and she lies. If my child wants to play with someone else or in a group, she will cry and run to adults claiming that she's being left out. She's not, she's just not getting things exactly her way. If my child wants to partner with someone else in class she gets told (by the child) that she's being horrible saying mean things, and a bad friend. If my child chooses to do 'quiet play' alone (which she can do inside if she chooses) then she will hassle mine endlessly and be upset that mine won't play with her. She's a huge crier, a real 'so and so is being sooooo mean to me' sort of child the minute things don't go her way. She has no concept really of sharing friends, of other peoples personal space or backing off when asked. She's generally just a bit much.

She's only key stage 1 age, so still little and still learning, as is mine. I'm happy for them to play together in school as long as my child isn't being forced or guilted into it. However I will not encourage the friendship or facilitate play dates out of school and I do facilitate them with other children to gently encourage my child to have and enjoy other friendships too.

I absolutely cannot be doing with the drama or potential fall out of explaining any of this to the child's mother. It's not my place to start telling her that her child is being a bit of an annoying pain at school. That's for school to deal with if necessary but at this level then I doubt there is much to say, it's not like she's bullying anyone. The mother is actually perfectly nice, I've known her for a few years but school-gate drama? Noooooo thanks.

I had a quiet word with the class teacher after it had been going on for a whole term, who agreed that it was noticeable (she'd actually already moved some seating arrangements because of it). The teacher is keeping an eye/guiding the children when playtime issues arise. As far as I'm concerned if there is a problem again then the teacher will let me know and that's all I need to do.

No complaints from school, no huge issues apparent to you does not mean that a parent doesn't have a good reason for not wanting their child to see your child out of school OP, sorry.

Kids dragged into the school and still crying at the doors at this age are the ones with friendships facilitated by cliquey mums in early years.😂😂
NEVER have I witness that.

you are far too involved and judgemental, I would stay away from the drama and stop my kid too frankly. I try to stay away from parents lecturing others about what "kids need"

Of course we manage their friendship when they are little, how else do they learn? Hopefully that sticks and help them when they are older.

It's absolutely normal that kids spend a lot more time with friends of their own parents. You invite the whole family for lunch, diner, you organise trips together. I don't know, it just happens naturally.

Does it really matter if they play outside of school? Our weekends are often busy, plus I have two children so to have to run round dropping one at a sleepover and then reciprocate at some point is not my idea of fun.

I would just encourage her to play with her friend at school and don't keep mentioning sleepovers.

I am guessing you have an only child so perhaps are more keen for them to always have someone over, whereas in my case having my own two at home means they entertain each other and adding one friend would then mean one person gets left out/one child is grumpy.

Why do you assume there should be something wrong with me

I haven't assumed that at all. In fact, no assumptions is literally the point I'm making. Nobody knows if it's you, her, your kid, her kid, something else. My point is that your assumption that it's her and only her, is not helping your kid whatsoever.

I've had this op, and it really pissed me off.

Her DC and mine played brilliantly together at school, but the mother took an instant dislike to me, which she took out on my child by repeatedly excluding him (and only him ) from her child's parties! Each year my child would invite hers - his mother would normally ignore the invitations, and be vague when I'd prompt her to check if her DC was coming. In the end I had to encourage my child to not invite that child (sorry DC, the venue is too small, you can only have 5 friends etc) because of his mother's treatment of my child.

Some people are just plain nasty for no reason.

She isn’t stopping them being friends at school. Stop being so dramatic.

I would do this - in limited circumstances, I have to admit. My DC would not have gone to someone’s house if I knew the parents were drug users. But I’m presuming that’s not the case?!!

It’s a tough one - if she’s rude or snobbish, there’s not much you can do about that.

Realistically there is probably a reason. There are a few children my DS is friends within school, and who I will not encourage a friendship out of school. In both instances it’s nothing to do with the child but the parents. I do not want my child being around their parents, nor do I want them, or their problems, at my door

Exactly this, we’ve been in a very similar situation. The parents of the child would have no idea how their child has acted towards ours at school as we never complained.

That’s quite mean of you. If the kids are friends and you won’t facilitate them meeting up. Maybe I’m too soft?

Just ask her, in person.

People will do anything to avoid the easiest route.

Either she will tell you and you can sort it out or think she's a psycho and avoid her, or she'll look embarrassed and act differently in future.

When DD was young, I always taught her to include everyone at school, not to leave people out, be mean etc. This resulted in one of the other girls, who struggled to make friends, becoming very attached to her. The girls mum was very keen to encourage the friendship out of school (totally understandable), but DD just didn’t want to. She wouldn’t have ever said that in front of the other child or mum, so I’m sure that it looked like she was keen in the playground, but she preferred to spend time with other friends. After the first couple of times the mum asked, after establishing that DD wasn’t interested, I was honest with the mum. I felt terrible but I didn’t want to force DD.

I’m not saying this is what is happening, but could it be a possibility?

This happened with me earlier in the academic year with my (then) 6 year old DCs.
They'd asked if a child could come on a playdate. I messaged the Mum and heard nothing back. She's not someone who ever talks to me, but I don't get icy vibes per se.
All I said at the time to my DC was that I'd messaged and not heard back.
Plain, simple truth (factoring in the child's age) normally works best with my daughters, so maybe try it with yours?
It's always uncomfortable when a parent blanks or is icy with one, but you'll never know why she's that way with you.
Playdates aren't the be all and end all, as long as your child has a range of healthy interactions in school and elsewhere.

Why are you trying so hard to understand? If you knew the reason it sounds like it would become the focal point to resolve.

it is certainly not for you to judge how the situation is affecting another persons child. You should accept that this is how it is and move on. You control your actions, and nobody else's.

some people are twats op. that is just what I've learnt in life in similar situations. smile and ignore.

It could be all kinds of reasons:

• she is actually really anxious so just socialises with people she already knows
• she uses play dates more as an excuse to socialise with her own friends than further her children’s friendships
• she feels like her life is already too full/busy and doesn’t have capacity for any more social connections
• she’s very snobby and pursues friendships with her children who are wealthy/live in a certain area/have ponies etc
• she’s stuck in high school mode and only befriends women who dress a certain way, have their hair a certain way etc
• some kind of prejudice against a particular community
• a personal dislike of you or your child for some reason that could be anything from you subconsciously remind her of someone she doesn’t like to her child said something about your child that was misreported/ taken out of context/ exaggerated etc
• she thinks you are trying to hit on her husband
• you’re very attractive and she’s jealous

It’s a shame for your child but unfortunately it’s out of your control so you just need to accept it’s this other Mum’s issue and move on.