Does anyone else not like using names much?

Yes, I think I know what people mean on here. Salespeople using names can seem insincere and can give me the ick!

In that case, maybe you are not doing the thing that people are complaining about on here. Greeting someone by name is completely different.

I haven't noticed it much in social situations, but the people who do it at work tend to be a) sales people looking to create a personal connection so I'll be more inclined to pass their details on to higher management or b) customers who are going to take up a lot of time and energy and be very demanding, I always take it as a sort of veiled threat when a customer repeatedly uses my name in any interactions as they're usually the 'name and shame' type in a review.

I agree.

Omg my ex used to do this! Hi John how are you? Is that right John etc etc. it used to give me the ick. He was looking him in the face. No other johns in the room. Why the constant need to iterate his bloody name?

He had self esteem issues and I think it made him feel like they were better acquaintances than they actually were.

It’s actually a leadership technique taught to managers. Apparently using someone’s name should make them feel valued… it’s actually quite a hard habit to break if you have to do it at work. The people you are talking to are probably just in middle management jobs.

My goodness, not at all. If I’m connecting with someone via zoom, or someone is knocking at my door for the first time, I will say their name “hello….?” to make sure I have the right person to begin with. It would be quite passive of me to open the door and not really address them.

A therapist doesn’t manipulate. It’s about building trust, and rapport - in a very comfortable setting. Probably a bit hard for me to explain on here because you don’t know me but I wouldn’t dream of making you feel like that.

I find it insincere and when people do it to me, I find it calculating..a kind of salesmanship. I assume that they've been trained to do it, to make things personal.

And yep, I'd hate a therapist doing it.
My instant reaction is to trust people less if they use my name unnecessarily. I consider it a kind of pretence.

I’m a therapist and will use the persons name serveral times during a session to build rapport and trust.

That's manipulative, and explains exactly why I wouldn't trust you. You're using a technique, quite deliberately, to make me behave a certain way. And I'd think that you consider me stupid in that you think I'll fall for it.

I'm in Australia atm, and here it's the norm to use people's names. It takes a bit of getting used to, <Name>.

It all depends on context and delivery and why you are using their name. I think professional settings are completely different from social ones and from a therapeutic point of view it’s again a different set of circumstances. I’m not continually dropping their name, perhaps on arrival, during a session and at the end, but that would be normal practice for me. It’s often a sign of confidence from the person leading the meeting / situation.

I never use names. I don't even use my dh name, or any pet name, I just talk.

I know it sounds daft but it just wastes time. You know your name, I know your name, even if I don't, I probably don't give enough of a shit or I'd ask, so let's just get on with it.

Where I live now, I've noticed they overuse names a lot. My in laws are from here and they have always done it.

For example, "yes Dan, I think that too. So when you went there, Dan, what do you do? Only asking, Dan, because when I went, Dan, it wasn't very good. Just wondering what you thought, Dan?"

At first, I just thought it was my SIL she's a bit thick (she calls me a racial slur, I can call her thick), it was like she was constantly reminding her brain who she was speaking too.

Then the rest of dh family did it, then a few years later we moved to the place he's from and christ, most people here do it.

It does my head in.

This reminds me of Sue Johnson in The Cockfields when she meets Diane Morgan
" Would you like some more Gala pie, Donna? Ray doesn't like olives, Donna. Do you want to sit in the garden, Donna?"

Are you sure it does build up trust though? Some people clearly don't like it.

Yes. This is what I find annoying but I don't think it's what everyone is talking about. It's this unnecessary use of the name mid conversation.

I've never ever called my PIL by their names in 11 years
Same here (except for longer!) I don't think I've ever called PIL by their names, and I live in fear of the day that I need to. It seems so wrong and impolite to try to get their attention by saying their name 😂 I never use DH's name either, always a nickname which I obviously subconsciously don't use in front of other people as MIL asked last year who [X] was and the DC were very confused she didn't know it was DH.
Using names feels unnatural!

In a work context yes - I’m a therapist and will use the persons name serveral times during a session to build rapport and trust. Not at all really during social settings!

I also thought I was the only one!

I hate my name being said as well. Most people I know call me by a shortened version of it so to hear my full name just makes me cringe.

I'm much more comfortable with nicknames and shortened names (with the person's blessing) so not quite sure why there's a difference 🤔

Thank you for this! I am the same! I was with my husband for twenty years and we only ever called each other by the same nickname. If I had to say his actual name, it sounded SO weird. I always call a couple of my like-minded friends by both their first name and surname, as somehow, weirdly, it feels less embarrassing. They do it with me as well. It must run in my family, as my Dad used to call my Mum 'Paul'. Her name is actually Jill. I have no idea where 'Paul' came from but I never heard him call her Jill once.

In Finnish in writing they seem to use names a lot too. Someone at worked asked me to look over a letter of recommendation they had written in English, but in the Finnish way, with the man's name (also, it was only his surname, not even his first name) repeated so many times. I was horrified and made him change all the names to pronouns except for the very first use of the name!

Many ancient religions believed people's names had special powers. You had to be careful how you used them.

Maybe half of MN belongs to a mystery cult 👀

Yes and I know exactly why. When I was a teenager the 1930s self help book 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' saw a random resurgence of popularity and one of the book's core 'rules' was:

Remember That A Person’s Name Is To That Person The Sweetest And Most Important Sound In Any Language

You could always tell the twats who'd read the book and lived by it (rather than, you know, being genuinely likeable...) by how frequently they used your name! It made me cringe then and still does now 😅

I'm loving this! So many PPs who dislike using people's names! You've found another MN glitch in the matrix, @Ditaditaddddita, to go with never answering the door 😂(and a few other things I can't remember atm).

Yes, it is creepy to use someone's name repetitively. I was taught to do this to help with remembering the name, but soon realised it made me sound like I'd been programmed by an oily salesman. I still wish people had floating name tags above their heads, though, like the avatars did in Second Life.

I feel awkward about it too, OP. It feels like salesman mode, as a PP said. Or possibly over-familiar.

If I'm having a conversation with someone and they keep saying my name it almost feels aggressive to me.