Does anyone else not like using names much?

I avoid using names, as it’s what salesmen do. However, I am very bad at learning people’s names, so I try to use them occasionally, to help me learn them.

Sometimes I give advice to netball teams. When I demonstrate something, I often ask what one player’s name is, so I can say “pass the ball to Jane”, instead of “pass the ball to that girl”. Sometimes, they seem surprised to be asked.

Oops! Just noticed - old thread 😊

Overuse of someone’s first name is cringey and can make you sound weak. My DH does it and I hate it. Eg he does it with our NDN. Morning, John/ How’s it going, John/see you later, John/Thanks, John.
FFS I hate it!
On the receiving end of it, it can sound like you’re being patronised.

I have a strong aversion to names. Fine when I'm talking about someone of course, but when they're present? Noooo. It makes me feel so uncomfortable - it almost feels like I'm trying to wield power over them when I do it, which I'm not. I'm a big nickname person with family and friends because of this.

A pp mentioned autism and social awkwardness, both of which apply to me, so maybe that's part of why?

I’m the same. I rarely say someone’s name. I never called my ex by his name, I had a nick name but only used that when I had to. I thought it odd. I usually say someone’s name when saying goodbye, nice to see you Sarah etc, but not usually any other time. Even teen DD I call her sissy (that’s her name for the dog!)!

Apparently people who don’t use names it is because it feels TOO intimate

Yes, I find salesmen use my name a lot.

it must be be in sales 101.

it’s horrible and immediately puts my back up.

Yep me too! Since a kid it has felt too intrusive to use people's names and even their gendered titles like Mr, Miss etc. I used to get told off for writing gender as neutral in my school work. For me using someone's name feels so unnatural, like I'm shouting at them. And I hate it when people use my name, I feel like I'm being told off 🤣

I think it must be cultural as I have colleagues in India who constantly use my name, even in a private Teams chat. It’s a lot of “Hi @ Livpool” then “so, @ Livpool…”. I have gotten used to it but it did jar a lot at first. They might think I, and the ones on the Uk, are rude 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’ve known my husband since I was 14 (I’m 72 now) and I’ve never called him by his name. I can’t explain why, it just feels wrong. He thinks I’m weird but when I come to think of it maybe it’s because we’ve both got the same name - think Leslie and Lesley although that’s not it. I don’t think that’s the problem though, it’s more like it’s not intimate enough for our relationship? Or alternatively I’m just a weirdo 🤔

my husband only ever uses pet names for me.

I think I feel conflicted on this one - I would like to hear my name too.

The examples people are using here aren't how I'd use peoples names btw.

It would be more like when you're egging them on, or joking e.g. "Lorna, you didn't!" Or "Oh my God, Grace, I'd never have had the balls to do that. "

My husband never says my name. I joke that he forgot it just after our wedding and since it's now been nearly 30 years, its just too embarrassing to ask me.

Oh God, I'm a "namer".

The weird thing is, I'm shit at remembering names.

So, I think I do it almost as a way to make them think there's no way I could forget their name, and I'm really on the ball.

Of course, this is a risky game, and there have been a number of name errors over the years :/

I really should stop, but I literally can't help myself!

It's especially bad in places like at the school gates. Presumably because I want to make a good impression.

It's interesting to see that most people don't like it, so I think I'll try consciously to stop now.

I tend to use names when greeting people and otherwise not really. I try and use it a little more when I don't know people very well, but that's for my benefit to try and stick some memories together with the person's name in them, as I'm quite bad at names. I do find doing that incredibly awkward though.

Overusing names is a bit weird, I agree. But what boils my piss far more is that my sister does this and CONTINUALLY calls me by her female partner’s name and I cannot fathom it. I never, ever call anyone by the wrong name, and definitely not a close family member. Absolutely infuriates me 😤

I always feel someone overusing my name is being a bit insincere and it irks me. It particularly irked me when my daughter was at primary school and one of the loudest most extravert mums had misheard my name and so I was permanently misnamed by her and all the other mums followed suit, and after a year or so how can you say "actually my name is ..." without sounding like an insane person.

Same here. It's been frustrating . I remember as a teenager getting caught out getting the wrong name and i I wanted to sink through the floor with shame.

I have found my people!!
I've never addressed anyone by their name, when I meet someone and can't put a name to a face instantly it eats me up inside until I remember it, and then I think to myself it makes no difference as my greeting would be 'Hi, how are you?' regardless!

I have absolutely no idea why I am the way I am. I have never even addressed my DH by name, although I have no problem with DC's

I'd love a psychologist to come on and tell me why this is!

I have a problem abbreviating people's names if that is not how they were introduced to me. Also using silly nicknames unless I was in on them from the beginning.

I've only just recently called my MIL by her name to her face for the first time. I've known her for 26 years. Do I win?

I can’t remember the last time I used my DP’s name to him. It’s usually one of a variety of pet names. And nobody Ever uses my name (apart from in business and even then I have a variety of nick names).

I knew someone who completely overused my name. ‘How are you doing, Jane? I’m fine thanks, Jane. How’s the new job, Jane? I was in town the other day, Jane…’

I hated it, and could never put my finger on why. But I did find myself doing it back to her!

Are you sure people find it builds rapport and trust? I find it creepy and it makes me suspicious!

Anyone trying to sell you something will often use your name a lot - they seem to think it makes them sound friendly/more trustworthy.

That should be enough to put anyone else off doing it!

I use them when I say hello, but not generally within the conversation as some people do. I think it's a bit rude not to say their name when you greet someone.