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AIBU?

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Original poster

Girl pulled dd’s pants down

90 replies

Miramar79 · 09/02/2025 14:33

A 7yr old girl pulled DD's shorts and pants down during an extracurricular sports class. They were the only girls in a class of boys. The teacher didn't see. I've spoken to the girl's mum and she said she'll get her to apologise, but she doesn't seem to think it's a serious issue. Aibu to think this really isn't good enough? The sports club haven't responded to my email. I am speaking to the head on Monday but I get the impression I will be told I'm overreacting. I'm not sure what I want to happen or what even should happen as a result of this! Dd is absolutely mortified

OP posts:
MalleusMaleficarumm · 09/02/2025 18:44

muggart · 09/02/2025 17:03

Wow standards are so low these days. I have no doubt that if I'd done that at that age I wouldn't have been allowed back into the club (and, depending on my mother's mood, I might have been physically punished too).

Yep, my mum would have come down on me like a tonne of bricks for something as horrid as this

ViolinsPlayGentlyOn · 09/02/2025 18:46

Dontlletmedownbruce · 09/02/2025 18:43

My DS did this at a birthday party (at a house) when he was about 6. He was made apologise by me, I apologised to both the boy and his mother. The boy was very upset. I had a chat with DS about appropriate behaviour and brought this up again with him a few times before parties or social occasions. It was never mentioned again by the parent, the boys were never really friends but their older brothers were and relationships are still good. Whether the other child still remembers or feels upset, I don't know. I was embarrassed of course but honestly what else could have been done that is in everyone's best interests?

I assume you took your DS straight home after the apology to reinforce the message that his behaviour was unacceptable?

yellowsun · 09/02/2025 19:03

I understand the distress people- my comments are in line with guidance from the government and experience with social services, not my personal options. I wanted to give OP an idea of what to expect.

TheWonderhorse · 09/02/2025 19:05

I think we need some context. I also think that your daughter (if old enough, I can't judge without the info) is entitled to have a say. If it were me I wouldn't have wanted my mother giving the details to everyone, that would add to the embarrassment.

I would also be making sure that it wasn't an accident as part of the sport? If it was tag and she accidentally pulled her shorts and the pants came with them? Obviously not great still, but there wouldn't have been malicious intent if that was the case.

Original poster
Miramar79 · 09/02/2025 19:18

Dd is 8 and she is at the beginning of showing some signs of puberty. This happened while the children were standing around waiting for the coach to set up the next training exercise, which is why he didn't see. The girl came up behind dd and did it, then laughed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Miramar79 · 09/02/2025 19:22

Dd is so embarrassed and doesn't really want to discuss it. She says she will feel better if the girl apologises but she's embarrassed to go back, but it's also her favourite club so she really does want to go back. She's such a kind and gentle girl

OP posts:
Turnups · 09/02/2025 19:37

Rosscameasdoody · 09/02/2025 16:57

Recording something perpetrated by a five year old as sexual assault ? Are you serious ?

Show quote history

Yes I’m serious. It was not the only worrying behaviour of that child and helped build up a picture of very worrying home influences. Social services became involved and after investigation remained involved.

Topjoe19 · 09/02/2025 19:38

Your poor poor DD. I'm so sorry that happened to her.

steff13 · 09/02/2025 19:51

Hankunamatata · 09/02/2025 16:27

Totally unacceptable. Very surprised other children didn't comment and raise the sports instructors attention to it.

Yeah, I was thinking this too. Little kids aren't exactly subtle when something like this happens. You'd think the teacher would have heard and been alerted to what happened.

Moonnstars · 09/02/2025 19:53

I understand she is now self conscious. I don't understand why no one spoke up at the time though, I am hoping this means that it wasn't that obvious and although she thinks everyone was watching, no one did see. Poor girl.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 09/02/2025 20:30

I think it would help to separate the two issues. 1, the girl did this on purpose to your child so there is a risk of bullying and you've made this known and 2, your daughter is too embarrassed and threatening to withdraw from her activity. If she had her pants fall down in some sort of accident situation what would she do then? There would be no one to blame but the embarrassment would be almost the same. I think you could use this as a 'teachable moment' to show her that she can hold her head up and get on with it because she is a proud and brave girl. Try to help her understand that she has the power here to move on from this and losing her activity is the easy way out, and allowing the other girl to win.

JustSawJohnny · 09/02/2025 20:59

Miramar79 · 09/02/2025 19:18

Dd is 8 and she is at the beginning of showing some signs of puberty. This happened while the children were standing around waiting for the coach to set up the next training exercise, which is why he didn't see. The girl came up behind dd and did it, then laughed.

Yeah, that's bad.

You really need to kick up a fuss with the school, OP.

I'd start by asking to see safeguarding guidelines they supposedly have in place for the club.

TheWonderhorse · 09/02/2025 21:37

Miramar79 · 09/02/2025 19:18

Dd is 8 and she is at the beginning of showing some signs of puberty. This happened while the children were standing around waiting for the coach to set up the next training exercise, which is why he didn't see. The girl came up behind dd and did it, then laughed.

That makes things much more clear, thank you.

Do you think DD would go back if the girl wasn't there? Absolutely speak to whoever runs the club and ask what they intend to do to make sure it doesn't happen again. Perhaps they need another teacher to help supervise if they can't run the club safely.

CableCar · 14/02/2025 19:46

What happened in the end op? X

ComeOnBabyLightMyFarts · 14/02/2025 20:15

This happened at my school, year 5 I think. Three kids, two boys and the victim's best friend thought it would be funny to make the "class scapegoat" girl take her knickers off. She refused so they forced her on the ground and did it anyway. The class teacher who was also the head teacher didn't believe the girl. All the kids were given a good talking to. I don't think it happened again. This was early 90s though and the school did have a bullying issue. I don't know how it would be dealt with these days, I would like to think schools would be better in safeguarding bullying issues.

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