Girl pulled dd’s pants down

Agree with pps that the response you’ve received is not good enough by a long shot OP
its trying to pass the responsibility of “sorting out and making it go away” to the parents.

the fact is this happened on their watch (when clearly they weren’t even watching)

the club needs to be taking responsibility to talk to the kids about appropriate behaviour and looking at their own safeguarding policies

the school also needs to be taking responsibility as on their premises and with their pupils.

its not enough to put this on the parents and make the child apologise. Your DD needs to be assured that nothing like this could ever happen again and that she will be safe at the club,

the school need to be aware in case the child in question is having problems at home as others have suggested (and indeed if the child has a history of poor behaviour / bullying.)

They've had their 'pants' talks by then. They know it's hugely unacceptable.

The girl should be suspended from that club for a few weeks.

Anything less is accepting bullying with a shrug.

Recording something perpetrated by a five year old as sexual assault ? Are you serious ?

They’re seven FFS !!

How about the girl who did it being suspended from the club for a while?

The child who pulled down the OP's DD's clothes should be made to sit out a few sessions and should be more closely supervised, especially if they have to go into a changing room or other private area together, to ensure this sort of thing doesn't happen again and that it isn't the start of a bullying campaign.

Seven year olds do have a sense of modesty and what is and isn't appropriate when it comes to being half naked in front of others. This isn't a three or four year old.

Their school should be notified in case the behaviour resulted from some form of abuse or seeing stuff that isn't age appropriate e.g. seeing the pantsing on the Hunting Trip episode of Parks and Rec with an older sibling.

I would expect the leader of the club and the school headteacher to have a serious conversation with the girl and her mother because this is totally unacceptable. They should both be told this in no uncertain terms, and put on a warning that if anything similar happens again then she will be expelled from the club. The girl and her mother must not be allowed to downplay this.

I think that by telling the club leader, the headteacher and the girl's mother you are doing everything you can. Don't be fobbed off. Impress upon them how upset your DD was and still is about this. How upset you are too and how massively inappropriate it is.

Yup. Old enough to know not to expose the private parts of other children.

This is taken quite seriously by schools, usually.

Wow standards are so low these days. I have no doubt that if I'd done that at that age I wouldn't have been allowed back into the club (and, depending on my mother's mood, I might have been physically punished too).

I think I would push for the girl to be asked to leave the club. It’s not acceptable behaviour and she needs to be made an example of.

I find it interesting how on one hand there's lots of talk of how the little girl who did it may be being sexually abused herself and this behaviour is due to that, but also that she should be punished for it!? Yes OPs daughter needs looking after properly, but I think placing shame and punishment on the other little girl is potentially harmful, too.

And definitely old enough to know better. I can't even begin to imagine either of my children thinking this type of behaviour was OK at that age. It wouldn't even have been on their radar. I would have serious concerns about the home life of any child who did this. And even more concerns about any adult who tried to excuse it.

Disgraceful response. This is absolutely a safeguarding issue and you need to speak to the HT about it asap. I'm sure the HT will treat it seriously and review the club's safeguarding measures. It's a red flag to me that they're treating it so lightly. It is peer on peer sexualised behaviour which needs to be addressed seriously, investigated and reported to the Board of Governors at their next meeting.

I'm appalled that the club and some posters are taking a, 'she said sorry what more do you want' attitude. It must have been a horrible experience for your dd and questions need to be asked about what is happening in the other child's life that she thinks this is acceptable behaviour.

Yes, training ect would be the natural consequence of making the club aware, same with speaking to the parents….

Proper letter of complaint to the club they failed to supervise which led to a safeguarding issue and your child was assaulted and humiliated. I would ask for the child to be withdrawn for at least a few sessions due to serious bad behaviour. Just because there 7 it’s ridiculous it would be sexual assault in a workplace (it is at the club too) she wouldn’t have done it if she didn’t want to humiliate your child and I’m sure if yours went back next week and did it to her the parents would have a different take on this. Don’t let it go this stuff needs to change! I’m so sorry for your little one I hope it doesn’t put her off her club.

OP,

I agree that the incident was awful. Seven year olds have a sense of right snd wrong. @Fountofwisdom makes the excellent point that pulling your DD’s pants as well as her shorts might have been a mistake with big consequences. We will never know. But pulling down her shorts would have been bad enough.

However that is secondary to the lack of supervision from the teacher, the minimisation from the other mother, and above all this appalling reply to your email. Please, please pursue this with the Head, the Safeguarding Lead and if necessary the BoG. I agree you should be clear what you want before you begin these talks - eg improved safeguarding and for the other girl to be suspended for X sessions whilst your DD regains her equilibrium.

I’m a safeguarding lead in a primary school. Even though it is not a club run by the school, safeguarding guidance means that the school need to ensure policies and procedures sre followed. I would definitely speak to the head/DSL from the school.

in terms of suitable next steps , context is key. Obviously there is no situation where it it’s acceptable, but there is a difference between this happening in a chasing game situation rather than a targeted incident meant to embarrass or done in secret. The age of your child is also relevant when responding to such incidents as safeguarding staff will need to think about any imbalance of age/power.

The guidance around behaviours like this recognise that some behaviours, while not acceptable, can and do happen. Young children are curious and schools deal with similar incidents regularly. We do not use language such as ‘perpetrator’ for young children- the aim is to educate not criminalise.

In situation, we would investigate first. The school will also know if there are other concerns that need acting on or that build a bigger picture. Possible next steps would be some work with the other child around these behaviours and some support for your daughter. Also some safety planning for the club. It would likely not be proportionate to suspend the other pupil from the club.

How old is DD?

How did everyone else see and the teacher not notice? Tbh I'm amazed a teacher missed that, because I'm sure there would have been a huge commotion if that happened on a school yard normally.

As for the child, she is very young and would not have fully understood the seriousness of what she did. What needs to happen there is for her to be made to understand why what she did was terrible. Then it likely won't happen again. Having her miss a few weeks of club doesn't get to the bottom of it.

Of course report it to the school, not because it's their responsibility because it's not school run, but they might schedule a brush up lesson on the topic for kids in the girl's class.

But, @yellowsun , why shouldn’t OP’s DD get what she needs to be comfortable in the activity? In her place I wouldn’t be able to bear looking at the other girl for a few weeks. I think hardly anyone would.

It seems wrong to penalise OP’s DD. She had already been harmed.

Ex teacher here, we had a similar incident with 4/5yr olds, before present day safeguarding came in and it was still logged and reported to SS as inappropriate sexual behaviour. The mother of the child who did it was furious, but it was a legal obligation - and this was 20+yrs ago. The club need to step up and deal with it as a safeguarding issue. It's absolutely not about punishment, though the girl in question needs to know it's serious and not acceptable.

The club should have a safeguarding policy and act on it. The genders of the children are irrelevant and all 7 year olds know not to do this.

I think seven year olds do know that even pulling down someone’s shorts is wrong. But I don’t think a suspension would be about punishing the other girl; it would be about restoring DD’s equilibrium.

I agree there is a real chance this was acting out or a cry for help. The other girl needs to talk with a professional rather than to be punished.

How things haven't changed. Disproportionate to punish the child?!

I can’t believe some of the responses on here. It is an outrageous thing to happen to someone.

One of my little brothers pulled my shorts and knickers down once at the school fete. I was slightly older than this (year 6). I felt like the whole school saw my bare bum and my hairy fanny.

To this day I have not got over the humiliation.

Please kick up a fuss.

My DS did this at a birthday party (at a house) when he was about 6. He was made apologise by me, I apologised to both the boy and his mother. The boy was very upset. I had a chat with DS about appropriate behaviour and brought this up again with him a few times before parties or social occasions. It was never mentioned again by the parent, the boys were never really friends but their older brothers were and relationships are still good. Whether the other child still remembers or feels upset, I don't know. I was embarrassed of course but honestly what else could have been done that is in everyone's best interests?