Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The double standards on here are getting out of hand

243 replies

SpunkyAmberReader · 30/01/2025 06:52

A male posts that is his wife is grumpy and complains and its immediately the man's fault: "you're not loving enough," "what do you when she complains," "she complains for a reason," "you don't appreciate her enough," "do you get her painkillers when she said she has a headache."

Yesterday I read a thread about a woman who was considering ending her affair because her husband had been diagnosed with cancer and a few posters told her to continue and not feel guilty.

Another poster wrote about her daughter complaining her father / posters husband was always miserable and lots of posters attacked a suggestion that the posters should try to cheer up her husband. The gist was a wife isn't responsible for trying to make her husband happy.

Therr is a really nasty double standard here and in society.

OP posts:
DUsername · 30/01/2025 07:22

JustAskingThisQ · 30/01/2025 07:16

Putting women first doesn't mean elevating them to a place where they can exploit their power. It does seem that many women do not want equality, they want revenge.

Show quote history

What utter utter bullshit. What power?

spuddy4 · 30/01/2025 07:22

DreamyDog · 30/01/2025 07:15

This place is full of divorcees who hate men. They want everyone to be like them.

Completely agree. The step parents particularly get a rough time of it and I think that's from the women who are divorced and the ex husband has remarried.

JustAskingThisQ · 30/01/2025 07:21

Remember the recent thread where a woman pursued an ex that had told her he was partnered. She then got drunk, cornered him alone at a dinner party and tried to kiss him. At least half of responders told her it wasn't a big deal and we all do silly things when we are drunk and sad.

OopsyDaisie · 30/01/2025 07:20

mantaraya · 30/01/2025 07:14

I agree but I think it's a reaction towards the fact that in real life the double standards are so heavily in the other direction. A man is six times more likely to leave his wife after she gets a cancer diagnosis than the other way around. Men are so much more likely to be the parent to neglect their responsibilities to their children. I think it's cathartic for many women to be in an online space where they can put women first.

Agree 100%. This is pendulum going back the other direction...

DUsername · 30/01/2025 07:19

I'm afraid I see the occasional double standard on here as far less of a problem than the behaviour of some men towards women.

I have read some truly horrific accounts of abuse from me against women on here. That kind of behaviour is far worse and more damaging.

I also think that you'd find the same sort of double standard on a male equivalent to Mumsnet. Whilst men can and do post on here it is mostly women so the perspective is going to be female. Do you think it would be different amongst men? Of course not.

5128gap · 30/01/2025 07:18

So go on the threads where you disagree with the advice people are giving and offer your own then. Surely that's more supportive of the men you feel are being treated unfairly than telling 'mumsnet' off for double standards? Someone or other moans about this on a regular basis, yet very rarely do I see those same user names supporting the OP themselves.

ARainyNightInSoho · 30/01/2025 07:18

mantaraya · 30/01/2025 07:14

I agree but I think it's a reaction towards the fact that in real life the double standards are so heavily in the other direction. A man is six times more likely to leave his wife after she gets a cancer diagnosis than the other way around. Men are so much more likely to be the parent to neglect their responsibilities to their children. I think it's cathartic for many women to be in an online space where they can put women first.

This exactly

JustAskingThisQ · 30/01/2025 07:17

DreamyDog · 30/01/2025 07:15

This place is full of divorcees who hate men. They want everyone to be like them.

Misery loves company. It reminds me of my aunt who fell out with a woman she had become really close to after she split with her husband because this woman met someone else and dared to try and love again.

TipsyPlumAnt · 30/01/2025 07:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Deetelves · 30/01/2025 07:17

Didimum · 30/01/2025 06:59

It’s a site for parents.

Show quote history

Sure….

JustAskingThisQ · 30/01/2025 07:16

mantaraya · 30/01/2025 07:14

I agree but I think it's a reaction towards the fact that in real life the double standards are so heavily in the other direction. A man is six times more likely to leave his wife after she gets a cancer diagnosis than the other way around. Men are so much more likely to be the parent to neglect their responsibilities to their children. I think it's cathartic for many women to be in an online space where they can put women first.

Putting women first doesn't mean elevating them to a place where they can exploit their power. It does seem that many women do not want equality, they want revenge.

DreamyDog · 30/01/2025 07:15

This place is full of divorcees who hate men. They want everyone to be like them.

mantaraya · 30/01/2025 07:14

I agree but I think it's a reaction towards the fact that in real life the double standards are so heavily in the other direction. A man is six times more likely to leave his wife after she gets a cancer diagnosis than the other way around. Men are so much more likely to be the parent to neglect their responsibilities to their children. I think it's cathartic for many women to be in an online space where they can put women first.

fairyup · 30/01/2025 07:14

I agree. Women on here are encouraged to have a secret money pot but when it's the other way the man gets a pile on.

namechangeGOT · 30/01/2025 07:12

Guest100 · 30/01/2025 06:55

I guess because this is a place for women to support other women. And we have had some similar experiences so it’s easy for women to see it for another woman’s perspective.
And I think most of us know why mums/wives and annoyed.

I disagree. It isn't a place for women to support women. I hate the idea that women should trot along and support each other whilst simultaneously treating men like the devils lots of women on MN think they are. Many many women, including some that post on here, are dickheads.

I don't support women that are nobheads. I support people.

I have seen countless, seemingly good men post on MN, where they are doing literally nothing wrong and are still being treated like arseholes by their wives and they are told they must be failing somewhere, they must not be pulling their finger out, their wives are 'trying to tell them something' in the only way they know how and yet you'll get the exact same post from a woman and she's told the exact opposite.

The post yesterday that OP is talking about regarding an affair was pathetic. Your poorly husband must not have been providing you with enough hugs, yes he might have provided you with a home and enabled you to not work as your post says you wanted but please, do carry on fucking someone else!

OP is right, double standards on here are unbelievable.

Didimum · 30/01/2025 06:59

Guest100 · 30/01/2025 06:55

I guess because this is a place for women to support other women. And we have had some similar experiences so it’s easy for women to see it for another woman’s perspective.
And I think most of us know why mums/wives and annoyed.

It’s a site for parents.

Guest100 · 30/01/2025 06:55

I guess because this is a place for women to support other women. And we have had some similar experiences so it’s easy for women to see it for another woman’s perspective.
And I think most of us know why mums/wives and annoyed.