To be hesitant to move in with partner and adult children?

Don't move in with your partner until ALL the offspring from BOTH sides are successfully launched into adult life and have their own homes.

I couldn't think of a thing worse.

You can still carry on having a relationship with him. You can stay over and go on holidays together. You can do that long term.

Good choice

Very wise.

Stay living as you are for another five years.

If anything, invest in a two bedroom place for you both to call home in your retirement. It will be a wonderful break; a holiday when you stay there..
You can rent it out when you are not there and it will be a way of not muddying the ownership of your current homes.

Postpone the wedding until after the older kids move out. He might help them on their way, if not enjoy the life you have for a few more years.

I’m gobsmacked that the 29 and 25-year-olds make no financial contribution at all to the household bills.

I hope that they’re at least saving hard for deposits, although that seems unlikely given that your DP wants to buy a big house.

Glad to read your updates that you’ve decided not to buy a house with him. I think moving in with him and his adult children would definitely not go well. Good decision!

I think you're being very wise. The number one person in this mix is your 13 year old.

This is a crucial and complex age - She needs YOU.

Not a complicated, confusing and frankly rather peculiar domestic setup that couldn't be in her best interests.

Your chap treats his adult offspring as children, so that's how they'll behave. Forever, probably. It's not healthy - for them. My great aunt lived with my great grandmother and had no life of her own.

They're on a cushy number - why would they want to go out into the world and fend for themselves when daddy bird is promising them a bigger nest they won't have to maintain themselves?

The more I look at your posts the angrier I seem to feel for you and your daughter! Your eldest's an example of great parenting in action. His ... aren't.

Quite, providing them with a very large family home complete with live-in housekeeper on duty 24/7 sends a very clear signal that his largess knows no bounds!

Why do you need to get married? Having a joint property and both having separate children could end up very complicated further down the line.

Stay as you are - you’ve got ideal set up now

I think this man wants the kudos of his very large house and he likes having his children around him. He wants you there OP to deal with any downsides, most likely any of the work generated by his unfledged offspring.

Please dont do it. I did exactly that and its a living hell. I feel I ruined my kids lives cos of it. Just don't......

His kids are never moving out - why would they.
Don't move, don't get married to him. Think very carefully - do you really want to continue this relationship ?

Just saw the bit about him paying the deposit, mortgage in your name, sharing mortgage & bills.

Where are the adult children in this? Are they all coming in to share the mortgage and bill payments? Are they planning to pay rent and bills? Are they just going to live there for free?

Please put the brakes on. I see a giant mess in a few decades with will-wrangling. Please speak to a financial advisor.

He's doing this because it benefits him.
You will be stitched up like a kipper, locked down & trapped.
You'll be outgunned massively, his team will have everything on their terms and you will will find out the hard way that blood is thicker than water.

Sorry op, that came across ruder than I intended. I'm sure you're a great parent.
My concern was just the inconsistency of expectations for your daughter as I assume you would want her to pay her own way more than his kids do.

The elder two are what's known as 'failures to launch', after rockets that should have taken off into the sky - but have just fizzled to a halt on the launchpad and show no sign of igniting.

Your OH hasn't done his job of helping them out of the nest to fly solo (mixed metaphors ...) and make their own lives, as you have successfully done. So your eldest won't be competing with them for your labour.

I will bet that if you move in with them you will be cast in the role of cook, housekeeper, cleaner, laundry maid ...

You will be number two woman, because his elder daughter has staked her claim.

And your younger child will be right down the priority list as the youngest, the newcomer, not Dad's child ...

Dread to think what their attitude to his will might be, too.

Absolutely. Stay right where you are until your teen's launched, then see if his have finally finally become adults before taking any drastic steps.

Bugger that!! Don’t do it and don’t marry him either!

Nope wouldn’t be happening. You will end up resenting them, not to mention paying for them, cleaning etc

Stay as you are until they leave

For now, I’d stay in your own house with your DD. She’s only 13 and moving in with three other adults and an older teen would be a huge change for her.

Explain to your DP that it’s too much at the moment, perhaps you can reconsider when she’s older (18+). That’s what a friend of mine did, they didn’t marry until last year, when her youngest turned 18 and went to uni. Even so, she’s kept her house in case her children decide to work in the area.

Tbh, if his eldest hasn’t moved out in another five years, she’s probably not going to. Which is fine, but you may prefer to stay in your home (I would)!

Don't do it. When the two adult kids do eventually(!) fly the nest you'll be stuck with a house far too big for your needs and likely have to move again. Hopefully if handled in a respectful way, your decision not to move in might prompt your partner into reassessing his kids being at home indefinitely. If they're both working there should be a glide path for when they intend to move out.