Non-binary colleague using disabled toilet

The disabled toilet is gender neutral. They don’t need to be disabled to use it, they’re using it because it is gender neutral. You do sound transphobic (as well as thick). Can’t you mind your own business?

I am, though, calling you a bigot.

I don't mind. I've been called a bigot for years for believing that there are two sexes, and as many personalities as there are humans, and that gender stereotypes are regressive bollocks.

This is not true!
Anyone can buy a RADAR key and many able bodied people without additional needs (or any consideration) do, often resulting in those with additional needs having to wait longer!!!

In the ops case the management could simply change the signage to staff toilet.

I think you should have zipped the lip - live and let live and all that. He was not doing you any harm and I doubt he tied up the loo for very long.

If he has a Radar key then he will not have got this for nothing.

Yes there is: the one that corresponds with their actual sex.

This is all totally illogical. If they use a unisex toilet they would be sharing with both men and women, so why can't they share with just men or just women?

The OP has said they don't identify as disabled either, so by using the disabled cubicle they're still using a toilet that doesn't match their identity.

All this bs just confirms to me that it's more to do with feeling "special" than anything else.

Leave them alone, let them use the disabled toilet, do you think they are enjoying their predicament?

You need to bring it up again as officially as possible but start your comment with "please can we remove the gender labels on the staff toilets to improve access?" Then you can explain that you're concerned about people who need the disabled toilet not being able to use it as it's in use by staff when we could easily meet their needs within the staff area.

I would caution though that are invisible needs for disabled toilets and may be staff members who require the space and handrails that you don't know about. A fully enclosed cubicle with handwashing might not be enough for everyone e.g. if they're using a stoma for example and need to bend etc.

Do you have nothing else in your life so much that you are bothered by where someone pisses and shits? Thats what it comes down to. You stated that your workplace has single unit toilets. Other issues are irrelevant on this.

Just because someone's disabled, it doesn't mean they have the right to never have to wait for a toilet.

I find this argument bizarre - that disabled toilets should always be kept unoccupied just incase a disabled person wants to use it, as they can't be expected to wait. Why ever not? The rest of us are expected to.

As such, I don't see the issue. It's not as if the colleague in question is spending hours in the toilet.

As another poster has said, at my work (also teaching), we all use whatever staff toilets are free - male, female, disabled, whatever - if the appropriately gendered one is occupied, because we don't have time to wait between lessons. I do the same in public. I will use the male toilet if the female one is occupied or the queue is too long - and I quite happily tell the men in the male toilets why I'm doing so. Why should I have to wait forever to use the toilet because male architects still haven't worked out in 2024 that women take longer to go to the toilet than men and are often accompanying small children, so we need more toilet facilities than them? The pearl clutching of women claiming that trans/non binary men using women's toilets leads to more risks of assaults is ridiculous. It's not backed up by any statistics and the reality is, a man can walk into a female public toilet any time he likes anyway.

This is actually about you not liking the fact that your colleague identifies as non binary. Get over it. Live and let live, and use whatever bloody toilet you like. The more of us who did this, the less of our lives we'd waste waiting for a ladies loo!

I’m surprised and saddened by so many comments accepting inappropriate use of the disabled toilet. What happened to disabled rights? I suppose people with disabilities haven’t got loud voices and can’t shove their way in where they want. How sad that so many people here won’t speak up for them.

Of course they know what bloody sex they are! Male or female, it's not hard. If they have a DSD (unlikely) then they'll still know what sex they are.

@DefendingPan YANBU, they're not disabled and they don't need to use the baby changing unit, they should be using the correct toilet for their sex.

And the OP's colleague is not one of them so this is irrelevant.

But it’s already not just for disabled people as they’ve put the baby changing in there.

Which is far more likely to take longer than an employee going in to use the toilet.

They should add regular baby changing to the other two toilets, and make sure the changing the disabled toilet is accessible.

My mum was in a wheelchair. We dealt with disability every day of her life. She was still ok with queuing for a piss.

A disabled toilet isn't only for the use of people with disabilities. It's a toilet that's been made accessible to enable people with disabilities to use it.

Key difference.

@Scabetty the person should use the gents if he’s a man, or the ladies if he’s a woman. It’s not complicated. There’s no such thing as non binary. It’s a concept made up by people to get attention.

What if using a sign gendered bathroom causes them genuine mental distress?

If they don't identify as either gender, they'll feel they're in the "wrong" bathroom whichever of the single occupancy toilets they go in. If they choose the "female" toilet, they may feel like that means they're declaring themself to be female, which given how they feel in their body at not feeling they are female, causes mental distress. Same thing if they go in the "male" labelled toilet.

It also leads to gender critical people like yourself feeling they have some right to express their opinion, and they can be very nasty and agressive. Do you know how many non binary or trans people get attacked or verbally abused over toilet usage by others thinking they're in the "wrong" bathroom? They absolutely cannot win.

What should be argued, is that the signage for the single occupancy bathrooms be labelled "unisex" or just "toilet", since people are using them interchangeably anyways. Then, your non binary colleague won't have need to use the accessible toilet, as the staff toilets are non binary toilets.

IF that happened and they still only used the accessible toilet and not the unisex staff toilets, then maybe there would be arguement it was attention seeking/ a blatant statement. Or, they may just actually be disabled and not wanting to share that.

No not everyone CAN ‘wait a moment for the bathroom’. The reason non-disabled people aren’t supposed to used disabled toilets is so that they are generally more ready available for those who have disabilities.
I understand people wanting to be progressive and great for you. However, this can’t be at the cost of another protected characteristic.

Oh don’t be silly. So long as the colleague isn’t hogging the toilet whilst queues of wheelchairs build up outside, this is a total non issue.

It is aWORK toilet. Why would this affect your disabled child

These are accessible toilets not just for people with disability. They are gender neutral and have baby changing facilities. Why are people so concerned that it is affecting disability rights. I need a piss, I go where there is a toilet free.

I think this is okay as it's the 'third space' solution that many people think best, when there's so many issues with non-binary, trans etc using binary m/f spaces. If you had a constant queue of disabled people waiting for the loo, I could see your problem, but really, one person using a disabled loo to avoid causing other problems for themselves or others, I can't see what the big deal is really. Unless the loos are going to be completely overhauled in that self-contained universal way - which has it's own issues as men tend to leave them skankier - then this seems like a sensible solution.

YABU. This person has done nothing wrong.

Playing devils advocate what if they have a hidden disability you are unaware of? Telling people I tend to poop myself isn’t always a good conversation starter.

Regardless if they don’t have a hidden disability it wouldn’t bother me and seems the best solution.

@hwi what is their predicament?