To think society should stop glorifying self-care and prioritise community care?

Community care was always something shouldered (mainly) by women, now that women are working full time, raising kids with little support and trying to maintain their own household and health, there is very little left to give to others. I’d love to do more voluntarily in the community but i have absolutely nothing left.

I kind of both agree and disagree. I remember back in the 80s and 90 when our church community was thriving, and we had more community, but I also remember how stressed we all were with constantly rushing from pillar to post, to be part of those communities. We were always knackered.

Our church here now is no use really. I did go when I moved here, but there were very few young people so I was constantly given loads of tasks to do and was again knackered. Then when it suited them to do something I couldn't do for disability reasons, they just dropped me and I had to leave.

I think what we need really is for everybody just to calm down and stop being so perfect all the time. All the rules about what we should do and must do are just a bit bonkers. All the kids desperately trying to ace GCSEs and all that and the rules about having perfect Christmas and stuff.

Could we all just calm down a bit and try a bit less hard? Then the community could just be everyone in the street clearing weeds together to keep the street nice, and that would be ok.

That's kind of my conclusion.

Yes, thank you.

There are a lot of groups and community gatherings. Some of them struggle with lack of volunteers or money for renting a suitable space, the structure is different than before due to people migrating and mixing differently but still there are a lot.
I think people are tired, live far from relatives, have a lot of commitments plus CoL so they don’t have opportunity to get out that much. But there is push to do this, in our area GPs are always give out leaflets about local groups e.g groups for parents of disabled children.

I've volunteered in a number of community groups and they are always riven with conflict. I think it might be because I'm in a city, but I'm not sure.

Tbh I don't think that's right because I remember my DM coping with similar when I was growing up. I think maintaining a community is just incredibly demanding work.

I agree with pp who mentioned that women are all working now too. Very true.

But yes I do think that community would be nice. It's just so hard to keep it going.

Can you give an exact situation you're talking about?

Self care is a phrase that is generally used in physical and mental health circles to mean things like showering, brushing your teeth, being aware of your own tiredness and your own triggers.

So self care for someone with epilepsy might be being aware of their triggers eg flashing lights or driving in the dark and making sure they avoid them.

In my case, self care means doing my physio exercises every day and getting out of the wheelchair to walk as much as possible.

I'm not sure how you feel community care would replace that?

As pp have said, all of this community care fell to women. Women now work ft and raise kids. I am over 50 and too exhausted to take on community care and volunteering. I need self care to remain sane. Time for the men to step up, if they're not too busy doing some amazing hobby all day sunday.

I think for a lot of people covid killed off the idea of support in the community and this 'prioritise others' expectation.
As seen on here the 'I'm isolating as I'm x/y/z' and the running around people did for their neighbours like shops/medication collection/meals to then this group being the first to get jabs, then raising merry hell with 'how dare the UNVACCINATED be allowed out in public unless to serve!!'
This community helping should be reciprocal, but I feel advocates of it mean 'help me, put me first, but don't expect anything in return'

@Octavia64 oh I've been interpreting "self care" as going for beauty treatments etc.

totally support !

There are some very sad, introverted comments coming across on this thread. Most of it requires nothing more than a few minutes when you can, a bit of kindness, and the ability to communicate in a friendly, non judgemental way.

I'm on the fence about this. I work full time, have raised kids who are now young adults, am a happily single widow. I also volunteer for a cat rescue and run a support group for the loved ones of people in addiction. And it's a lot, but it feels balanced, I enjoy it.

But there is enormous pressure on women to do it all and I don't see men stepping up in the same way. I have a lovely colleague at work who works full time, has a toddler and is very very active in her church community - and she doesn't get enough sleep, her husband does fuck all around the house and she's shattered. She needs to be a bit more selfish!

The generic level of the examples given and lack of any one example put this on a par with an AI post.

See there is over 100 houses down my street but my street is also miles long we change post codes a few times. There is only three houses with 50 that have remained in the same families that know each other the rest all come and go.

And yes to where is the time for these community things. With both parents working and possibly helping with some care to elderly parents where is the time for church if inclined and community events and helpfulness

I went for a run then did a 15 min litter pick around the block. Win / win. I can also keep an on flytipping and dob the scummy families into the council that way.

Also, people drive short distances too much. That's the root of many problems. There's fewer chances to chat when passing and the roads are clogged up.

Such a lovely post. I’m lucky enough to live in a similar neighbourhood. Two of the older single women who live in the close have had long-term serious illnesses; one sadly eventually died. Both women were well supported by neighbours during their illnesses with practical jobs in their homes or helping them with technology, putting their bins out, collecting medication and so on. When my husband did his back in, one of my neighbours came over on a Friday evening (he was a bit tipsy I think 😂) and helped me move a superking mattress downstairs so I could set up a bed for DH in the lounge. There was a lot of support during the pandemic. We’d shop for each other, share hard-to-come by ingredients, share jigsaw puzzles and games and we’d come out of our houses to sing Happy Birthday to whoever was celebrating a birthday. (We’re on the South coast btw. Lots of southerners are nice, I promise!)

I know some MNers probably cringe at stuff like this but maybe they’re the folk who are a bit more insular or focused on themselves and their families and not much outside of that. If so, they’re missing out because it’s proven that community links and communication are good for our mental health. So in fact in being part of something bigger, we are contributing to our own self-care too.

@ThatJoyousCyanReader Were you thinking of structured stuff or just an offer of help to someone who might need it? I'm just thinking of the basics.

I have had a couple of bad injuries in the past and the mentality that made friends and neighbours offer help seems completely gone now. I'm quite scared of ever needing help now.

Where are these? Am in more agreement with @Sassysoonwins it's not 'sad and introverted' to say "you know what, I'm bloody knackered just coping" or to use the self care terminology "I've enough full spoons on the go".

Does anyone else think that since social media has taken off, people have become very selfish and self-obsessed? Everything seems to be for the "Gram" and for likes/clout. Endless selfies, people videoing their perfect lives, etc.

I don't know, maybe it's just me. I just think we don't communicate with others the way we used to and everything we do has to be shown to the world.