issues with lodger

No it's not a B&B, he should be able to treat it like his home too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Somewhere he can relax have friends around (providing they behave) etc too.

It doesn’t make any bloody difference, it’s still his home!!

It’s not the same situation at all legally speaking.

As a lodger he is an excluded occupier, because he is living with his landlady.

He isn’t a tenant living in self contained accommodation.

So he is limited security of tenure and needs to behave himself.

He’s been there two weeks! It’s not his home, it’s his lodgings. His stay is dependent on not behaving like a total arse. Which unfortunately he’s failed at.

I think turning down the phone in calls etc is a reasonable ask, the same way you’d ask a neighbour if they could maybe lower the noise in a flat or something. But if he’s paying rent then it IS technically his ‘home’ the same way a rental is, so I don’t see why he should have to tell you everytime he wants to bring a guest over and use the kitchen, as this would generally be classed as a ‘communal area’ especially in most lodger situations I’ve seen advertised.

Surely it's his home as well?

It sounds like you’ve gone into this very informally with no contract and no real discussion about the nitty gritty of sharing your home with someone, and now it’s coming back to bite you. It’s a discussion you’ll have to have retrospectively, and to be honest I think the best you can hope for is that he decides that it doesn’t suit him, because you’re clearly not happy

Sorry but you remind me very much of a young woman I rented a room from when I left my husband. She was all "treat it as your home" until I actually moved in. She wouldnt even allow me to have my adult sons visit me. And god help me if she had a friend round. I came home from choir practice one night and went to get a drink then straight to my bedroom. I got a very sound telling off the next morning. Followed by,
"By the way We used your milk last night, you don't mind do you?" You need to talk out ground rules and put a contract in place. But it you cant accept disruption then letting a room is not for you.

I have had multiple different lodgers when I first got a house so was a lot younger and one in my 30's while married. two were brilliant and are now current friends even though I'm now 40 another one also great but don't see him any more as he has moved on. One was horrendous so I kicked him out and got a better one the following month. Found him asleep in my bed, smoked out the window and burnt my conservatory roof and the police bought back his property after being arrested the night before.... If you clash get a new lodger that's the wonderful thing they can be removed almost instantly.

That being said you MUST be a laid back individual to live with other people. You have to accept sharimg common spaces and if you want the easy money (and for me it was very easy money) you must accept people need to eat ect and entertain friends every now and again. I would have cooked dinner and sat down and joined him and his friend that's the kind of person you need to be to make it successful in my experience. I had one who had different pairs of women's shoes appear by the doors quite often but that's life and I quite enjoyed the experience 🤣

I never had guests when I was a lodger. It was in a big city with nice places to hang out, so it didn’t occur to me. The landlady showed me a simple contract on the first day and talked it through with me. I would have been able to use the family kitchen by arrangement and had sole use of a kitchenette. It was very very clear to me that I had a (nice big) room and bathroom, in her home. We are still friends years after the lodging ended! Clear boundaries.

I'm sorry, he sounds very inappropriate to eat a treat food as if it belonged to 'the house'.

I agree with everyone who suggests having friends and family to stay, or at least to call in.

Don't let him cuckoo.

If you don't feel safe tell him to leave. Have you a friend who can come and stay with you. Change the locks including the shed lock. If lodger you don't have to give much notice. Please make yourself safe x

Nasty? I was defending you.

Was that Mon- Fri thing? Must've cost him an absolute fortune!!

I had a lodger for many years.

If they were having guests for dinner it would be courtesy to let you know. I don't think it's unreasonable to have guests but they should let you know.

My lodger used to speak on their phone for around an hour each evening. Irritating but I'm afraid it's just one of the things that go with the extra income.

I think you can see, given the range of views here, that there is not one right answer when it comes to lodgers, and there is no law governing it either. You need to set ground rules now, and accept he may leave, which may be better. Then if you do this again, then you need to set them up front now. If you need a lodger in order to pay for your mortgage or lifestyle, then you may need to lighten your rules a bit. What is reasonable to one person may not be to another, so assuming is never a good thing. Your only options are to let it go and continue, or to set rules now and see what happens.

Not read many PPs just wanted to let you know you can set whatever boundaries you like and the other person can accept them or leave. I have a friend who had a house in London -- she had a lodger for many
years - he had 2 rooms and a bathroom. It was only him - only for him - no other 3rd parties (his visitors) allowed to come to the house. He did not have any use of kitchen or cooking facilities and had to eat out. This was her arrangement. One never saw or heard him. There was absolutely none of the - ''this is
your home too so do what you like.''

That’s right

He’s a lodger not a tenant!

Shelter and Citizen’s Advice Bureau

What a load of bunkum.

Yep all of this.

Calling it a safety issue is just disingenuous.

OP just doesn’t like him.

I don’t think OP is responsible enough to have a lodger to be honest. You can’t just throw people out on the street because the arrangement no longer suits you or you’ve taken a disliking to them.

@threeunrelatedwords yes I've read all of them and haven't seen anything that indicates she isn't safe.

• Inconsiderate use of a kitchen
• phone calls using speakers
• an inconsistent story about how long he's lived in the area
• a moved key; and
• a missing edible gift

are all reasons why the OP might not be compatible sharing a space with this lodger, but none of it rings alarm bells for me in terms of safety.

I have experience of having to get rid of a particularly unpleasant male lodger. He didn't move out on leaving day so when he nipped out the house we had the locks changed. My brother moved in for a couple of days while he eventually removed his belongings.

I have empathy for the OP, it can be very uncomfortable. I just don't think it's wise to create a safety risk out of thin air in order to bypass the rules.

It’s just more difficult when it’s a landlady/ landlord living alone. There isn’t the natural order which the lodger will have to fit themselves around when it’s with a family or couple. There’s more likely to be a power struggle and for the lodger to try to assert control

Taking control of things in what way? Among all the "he is a really nice guy" posts OP has written, there is one mention of moving a shed key and one mention of him living in the area for two years. Moving key is annoying for sure, not convinced it was in any way malicious. Living in the area for two years is a bit of a weird thing to feel unsafe about... I don't see how this is relevant at all.

It's not been my experience. I lodged plenty and had a full use of communal areas and even an occasional dinner with the family.
We now have our own lodger and we include him in everything. When I cook, I cook for the entire household including him, and he does the same couple of times a week. He does prefer his own company but we would be absolutely fine if he wanted to socialise with us.
It's not a given that lodgers stay in their room. It is up to the host and the lodger to discuss expectations.