issues with lodger

It’s his home too. He’s paying you for it to be his home.

I think maybe you didn’t fully comprehend what having a lodger entails. He’s not a guest, he’s not a child that needs permission to have friends over. He lives in your house and it is his home for as long as he lives there.

You either need to sort out the ground rules or you need to serve notice. It’s not working at present. Only you will know whether you think it can work.

You are very clear on the differences between having a lodger and having a tenant but it sounds like he views the deal like a house share. You need to set the boundaries now if you want this to work, if not give him notice and start again and set very clear expectations from the start.

And as part of that did you tell him he would need to ask before inviting people over, or no?

It is his home! He pays you to live there! He’s not homeless, is he? I don’t think he’s unreasonable to have a friend over.

if you’re not happy with the arrangement then ask him to leave. I would t like to share my home with a random person.

This is how a lodging arrangement generally works. OP you’re nut unreasonable at all with your expectations.

It's also his home now. How can you not realise this?

He's behaving as if you have a house share OP, not as a lodger. You will have to have a conversation about his expectations and yours. Perhaps as you say, if he had let you know, you might have felt more comfortable, but then would you expect to have to let him know if you were having a friend over? I would think it's just common courtesy for both of you to do that but maybe that's just me having manners.

On the face of it, it doesn't sound like you are compatible but it may be that with time it will settle into a more acceptable routine.

The phone thing is totally out of order and you would not be unreasonable to tell him that his calls are disturbing you and to turn the speaker off.

I think you need to be quite firm about what you are prepared to accept in your own home or you might find him overstepping the mark, in your eyes, all the time. He does sound a bit like he's lacking in the social niceties or perhaps this is actually what it's like having a lodger. I have no experience of it but think I would feel exactly as you do.

You do need to communicate though if he is to stay. Don't beat around the bush though; be very clear about what you expect, otherwise you will end up feeling miserable and resentful in your own home. If he's not happy with it then he's free to find somewhere else.

To be fair if you didn't tell him he had to ask to bring a friend over, he didn't know. Just speak to him one to one. You are both adults

If this is what you would like him to do, you need to tell him! He's not a mindreader and probably thinks it's fine to bring a friend home and eat in the kitchen. Speak to him and make your expectations clear, you should have done this before he moved in!

When I was much younger and was looking for somewhere to live I inquired about lodging arrangements a couple of times (with me as the lodger) and in both cases the owners were very uncomfortable when I asked if I could have a friend over sometimes and basically told me to bugger off and I couldn’t lodge with them (I was, believe me, a pretty boring and sensible twenty something), so it seems to be a fairly common condition of lodging agreements. Lodgers have very few rights.

I think I agree that a heads up would be nice, but I don't think not giving one is rude. Is doing something very part time like lodging at yours 2 nights a week while he goes into the office and then spending the other 5 nights at home with his partner or parents? If so, then that's different, but if not your house is his HOME. It may not be his HOUSE, but it is what he calls home. Unless he is being really disrespectful like, making noise till late or damaging furniture etc, it is reasonable for him to do what he would do in another type of home.

@Startingagainandagain It’s very common for lodgers to have this arrangement. It’s not the same as a house share.

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This.
I’d give him some very clear rules about what you’re happy to accept eg he asks permission to bring a friend, you plan in advance who is using the kitchen when. And he tones down the phone calls. Ridiculous to use a speaker for a phone call. And if you’re still not happy get rid. He’s got no contact, he’s not a tenant and you can ask him to leave. It’s your home. Consider it a trial run and look for someone else. Maybe a quiet woman??

I am going to go against the grain here.

As far as I am concerned a lodger pays for a room in a house. They don't get to use the whole house as their own.

I would make that clear OP. Tell the lodger he can of course use the kitchen to cook for himself and the bathroom, but he can't use your home to entertain guests or seat around in the living room watching your TV.

If that's what he expects he needs to get a proper rental contract for a flat or house share.

TBH you should have set some specific ground rules. Your idea of having people over now and again may not be his. I would have said no overnight guests, in fact I probably would have said no guests without prior discussion. You need to speak to him about this and also about the noise levels. Hopefully this is just teething problems. My friend has a lodger and it's worked out well, she's never mentioned him having guests.

He needs to turn down his phone.
He should be able to bring friends back. It is his home now as well as yours.

He pays to live there. It's his home too.

Big mistake not having a contract!
What if you ask him to leave. Or he breaks something. Or he doesn't pay his rent. Did you take a deposit? Doesn't it have to be placed in a bond scheme. Have you declared 2 adults at the address for council tax