issues with lodger

I’ve had lodgers and also had friends who were lodgers. I wouldn’t expect them to occupy the communal space with company. As you’ve said he didn’t even let you know. Obviously that’s going to stop you from making your own dinner etc. I agree with PP’s it’s not the same as a houseshare.

I would expect to be asked or told out of courtesy so I could plan my evening meal around it and I’d do the same.

I had a lodger whose BF regularly stayed and occupied the house all day whilst she was out. Made me v uncomfortable as I’d obviously vetted the lodger but not her BF and I had no idea who he was.

Tbh I don’t really think they should have guests especially not without asking.

Call it what you want. It’s still his home.

I don’t think you should ever have a lodger. It’s not something you can handle.

In terms of their legal rights. But it’s still his home.

Absolutely there’s a need for rules and boundaries but these need to be reasonable

sounds like OP resents having someone in there home

@rwalker

that’s where the term landlord comes in. The landlord can and should make the rules . It’s not a house share.

Not confused at all he pays good money to stay there this is where he lives this is his home

I’m sure the problem will solve it’s self I can’t see anyone staying long when there treated like a child and have to ask permission to have a friend over during the day

you can’t go lording it over him that it’s your house and he has to ask permission for everything

By your definition OP is your lodger homeless?

I’ve been a lodger . It’s totally different to a house share.
I had access to a microwave toaster fridge freezer and kettle but not the main kitchen. However this was known and agreed and I liked the privacy . By the way before you gasp in horror , I had lovely outside patio space and the landlady and I would sit together outside to have a drink and chat.

I do not think it’s unreasonable to not allow guests at all , perhaps simpler ,after all they can meet at a cafe or pub. The expectation should be that a lodger should be considerate in relation to noise. ( and vice versa) . You could also stipulate that lodgers can use the kitchen to cook but not use as a leisure area to sit in.

Basically work out what sort of an agreement you will be comfortable , set out those boundaries and find a lodger who will be happy with them. This guy is not the right fit for you and your home.

It is his home unless he’s in your house part time and has a home elsewhere. How can you say it’s not? I’ve had lodgers and wouldn’t have dreamt of complaining they’d had friends round. I’ve also been a lodger myself and never had a landlady who would have complained about me inviting friends over for a meal. You’re being very unfair. Having a lodger isn’t just about collecting the rent.

I think it sounds like he doesn't understand the normal rules for being a lodger, and you've not been clear enough about what the rules for your home are.

It's not typical for lodgers to be welcome to bring other people home, particularly not without asking (but in many cases, not ever, at all!), and the norm is for them to cook with minimal mess/clear up after themselves and eat in their room.

They are renting a room in a house, with access to a kitchen and bathroom, they are not house sharing, so don't usually have equal dibs over eating in the kitchen/dining room/living room or a 'I got here first' set up over that.

But make it clear, put it in writing - 'x guests per month - by prior arrangement. Meals to be eaten in your own room' etc.

There is a lot of duff advice on here from people who have neither had lodgers nor been one (I have done both!) and very much think it is the same as being a tenant or in a house/flat share.

If it is only now and then that he brings people home to eat in the kitchen, I wouldn't worry. While he and his friend were enjoying the cooking and eating did they chat to you at all, were they friendly, or did they ignore you? I daresay your lodger thought it was OK as it's not a regular thing. Apart from the kitchen, he can surely have people to visit him in his own quarters, that's normal as long as they don't move in.

Regarding the loud phone calls, just have a word. Nobody wants to hear too much of that. He probably doesn't realise how loud he is.

I wish you good luck. It does take some adjustment.

You might be happier downsizing to a smaller property which you can have to yourself, but if you are going to have a lodger, it is very important to have a written agreement dealing with issues such as guests and what access the lodger gets to which parts of the premises.

I’m sorry to hear you have lost your husband and I can understand why this is hard.

But you’ve made a mistake not having a written contract and ideally you should get one agreed and signed now , although there’s not a lot you can do if he refuses. Yes technically there is a verbal contact but good luck if you have to rely on that.

Legallly a lodger shares common spaces with you - I’m guessing that’s only the kitchen , as he has his own bathroom and living room . He has as much right as you to use the kitchen if that’s what you have agreed - he doesn’t need to ask you the same as you don’t need ask him. You can’t tell him it’s not his space too.

what have you agreed about the cleaning of shared spaces - do you have a cleaner ?

Is there a dining table and chairs in his living room and in yours ? That might encourage both of you to eat your meals in there and not in the kitchen.

If you and your lodger DONT share common spaces and his place is self contained then he’s a tenant and you are in a whole other legal situation, he has rights of tenure and you need to pay income tax on the rent etc . So it’s not just a technical difference , it’s really important about shared common spaces, it’s one aspect of being a lodger ( as is providing other service like cleaning or laundry , which is why I ask ).

You need to register him for council tax and on the electoral roll at your address - yes that’s your job as the householder . Of course you can no longer claim any single adult discount ( if you have been doing so ) .

You may need to tell your mortgage company - Check your loan agreement very carefully as you REALLY dont want to breach this.

You will also need to tell your house insurers and take out landlord insurance (Id get legal cover too).

Im afraid you need to be a lot more business like about this - he’s your paying customer not someone you are doing a favour for. I say this as someone who has had lodgers for years .

Give yourself a few months to see if it’s working for you - it’s too soon to tell yet. As Pp have said, it’s mostly down to your lack of clear communication with him.
I know it’s hard to adjust your expectations but hopefully it can be sorted out to your mutual benefit.

I'm glad if it proves helpful. I often find that we can't quite think of the right approach, the right phrases, and it helps to have an example.

I don't know for how long the lease is, but I was wondering if you might do better with a woman lodger. Especially if you choose someone a bit younger than you. Or, if you continue with this, maybe you'll evolve a list of issues that you will discuss up-front when you interview people.

Good luck.

A quick google search shows lots of examples of lodger guidelines that people have drafted.

There is a contract. An oral contract is as valid as a written one, - but obviously won't contain careful details. The point is, there is a contract.

Thank you @lodger , your set-up sounds very generous, I would have been very happy with that! And given he has his own living room, he has somewhere to entertain his guests so your wish for him to eat his meals with his guest in his living room makes perfect sense. Snack/breakfast by himself in the kitchen maybe okay. You have been very accommodating, I hope you get the best outcome when you speak to him.

When I first started working in London in my 20s, I lodged Mon-Fri with a lovely Jewish family in North London for a year. I had a really lovely bedroom, small sitting room and ensuite which I paid absolute pennies for (considering this was a gorgeous townhouse in a very smart part of town).

We had a very good relationship based on mutual understanding and trust: the reason I mention that they were Jewish was because while they weren't Orthodox, they did keep a kosher kitchen and were initially a bit nervous about having a non-Jewish lodger (not a problem for me, because I was vegetarian at the time).

I generally travelled home to Scotland on a Friday, but on the odd occasion I was around, I was invited to join them for Shabbat, which was lovely, and my OH and I were invited as special guests to their middle son's Bar Mitvah.

15 years later, we are still good friends - in fact, that middle son is coming to stay with us next week, as he has a job interview in Edinburgh! - but I was very, very respectful of their house and during my time there, was very cognisant of the fact that it was their house, their rules. I was a lodger, not a tenant, and essentially a sort of paying guest.

Lodging can be brilliant or awful, but it's very important to set and manage expectations from day one.

I've been a lodger in my time and always made it clear I didn't want to be confined to a bedroom, that's a horrible way to live as far as I am concerned. One landlord agreed to me using the living room, then his girlfriend asked me to leave when I was watching TV and they came in from a night out. It was horrible. So I left, after 10 weeks. Shortest time I have lived anywhere but I hated the feeling of being a prisoner in my room. You say your lodger has another room as well as his bedroom which is different, but as others have said, communication is key, explain what you want, ask what his expectations are, see if a good middle ground can be found. If not, he needs to leave and you will know better about what your boundaries are and your expectations of a lodger are. If you are very clear in your ads you should find someone more suited to you. However people may say anything to get a roof over their heads, so trust your instincts. I had a sort of 'meh' feeling about the place I mentioned above, all other places I have had good feelings about and had good experiences, a couple of landladies became friends I kept in touch with long after I left.

Well, it's where they live. It's their only living space (unless they're someone only lodging with you at certain times for work or travel). It is their home. They don't own it, but that's not what makes a place home. You can still have boundaries and ground rules, of course, but having a lodger living with you isn't really the same as simply providing a "place to lay ones hat".

OP, gently, this isn't the right mindset for lodgers. What you're effectively wanting is a B&B arrangement, where guests stay in their own rooms and don't bother you and only come downstairs into the shared spaces at set times.

It might work better for you to put your spare room on Airbnb, where you would have house guests for short periods and it would be much more of a place to "lay one's hat" than having someone living with you all the time. You would also be able to set times/days when the room wouldn't be available, so you could still have some days/weeks or weekends to yourself. Or you could rent to contractors who only come Mon-Fri for work, leaving you with your weekends to yourself. Airbnb might make you more money too in the end, as you can charge almost as much for a long weekend as a week stay it seems on there.

You can set your house rules up on the Airbnb site as well, so you could quite easily stipulate that the shared kitchen is only available during set hours for guests, no additional non-paying guests allowed, etc.

He's only just moved in and maybe you just need to make it a bit clearer what some of the house rules are. It seems like he's got plenty of his own living space, which is good. Presuming you're ok with him having friends in the kitchen, but you just want him to ask/tell you in advance? That seems reasonable.

You could easily have had friends round yourself. If he's got his own living area, and a small dining table in there, then I think it's reasonable for you to ask that if he has guests they eat in his room.

Some people just like hanging out in the kitchen peacefully in their own home. I think it's fair that he knows the kitchen isn't really 'his' living space.

As for the speaker phone calls, just ask that he keeps the noise down after a certain time.

You don't want to seem inhospitable or unreasonable, but at the same time you need to feel comfortable with the arrangement.

Agreed this may not be right for you. That's no insult to you at all. God knows I couldn't do it.