Page 12 | issues with lodger

lodger · 2024-10-14T21:32:53+00:00

Hi Hoping for a bit of clarity and in need of a chat about my lodger. He's only been here for a few weeks but ive found it challenging having someone in my home space. Tonight he bought back a friend with no prior warning and occupied the kitchen space and cooked for friend and they both ate at the table, chatting away. I found it quite rude to not give me the heads up that he was bringing a guest back and cooking dinner. I had to make my dinner then leave the kitchen as they were clearly chatting and eating and I felt like a third wheel. He is my lodger and I find this quite rude. Am I being unreasonable in expecting him to tell me that he's bringing a friend home? He also makes very loud phone calls alot of the time and hooks his calls up to an external speaker so that I can hear his conversations very clearly. his room is above mine. Again I find this quite disrespectful. Some viewpoints would be handy. Im not used to having people in my home and I lost my husband last year to cancer so its a big deal to have someone living in my space. Its an adjustment

Mrsdoyler · 15/10/2024 20:32

OCDmama · 15/10/2024 20:30

I feel sorry for your lodge tbh. He bought one friend back, they dared to cook and eat a meal in the kitchen and you have a go at him for it.

After not having said he couldn't do those things. You told him off like he was a student. That's why he wasn't happy about the conversation.

If you want the money from someone lodging you have to let them feel like they have a home.

Exactly it's not just about money for the house owner.

This is his life and living space too.

GabriellaMontez · 15/10/2024 20:32

Mrsdoyler · 15/10/2024 19:17

He's an adult he is allowed to bring people to the house.

If he lived in a flats hare he could bring any friend he wants back.

Why do you think that lodgers can't bring anyone to the house?

What if you were paying for a room in a house, and i said to you "you can never have a friend over ever" how would you feel.

He's an adult with rights.

Show quote history

He's not in a house share.

He's a lodger. He doesn't even have the right to a lock on his door.

OCDmama · 15/10/2024 20:30

I feel sorry for your lodge tbh. He bought one friend back, they dared to cook and eat a meal in the kitchen and you have a go at him for it.

After not having said he couldn't do those things. You told him off like he was a student. That's why he wasn't happy about the conversation.

If you want the money from someone lodging you have to let them feel like they have a home.

Littys · 15/10/2024 20:26

Wellingtonspie · 15/10/2024 20:13

Part of me wonders if he picked your house for lodging as he thought he could push you around. Not liking rules, his guest walking into your private lounge and talking to you how you feel like the man’s an equal tenant.

Id get a female lodger after getting this one gone.

I have no doubt that he sees the OP as vulnerable.
Instead of being rightly apologetic about his guest, he is put out.
Sounds like you won't be told OP.
I really hope this isn't something you bitterly regret.

SunQueen24 · 15/10/2024 20:22

If he has his own living room it’s even more UR that he dominated your space.

Wellingtonspie · 15/10/2024 20:13

Part of me wonders if he picked your house for lodging as he thought he could push you around. Not liking rules, his guest walking into your private lounge and talking to you how you feel like the man’s an equal tenant.

Id get a female lodger after getting this one gone.

Original poster

lodger · 15/10/2024 20:11

Wellingtonspie · 15/10/2024 20:07

Yes imagine lodger says nothing has friend round 7-9pm in small kitchen that seats two.

Op has also invited a friend round for dinner 7:30pm till whenever. There is no space or now 4 people trying to cram into that space.

It’s just common courtesy I’d say to inform someone that you share one eating area with if you are inviting someone round to eat in said space.

Different to cook and take it to your personal space but not to hog the one cooking and eating area.

Edited

I will always give lodger heads up if people cone back. For me uts common courtesy so he's aware and can adjust if needs be to someone he doesn't know being in the house

OP posts:

Original poster

lodger · 15/10/2024 20:09

Littys · 15/10/2024 20:01

I never said he had an over night guest.🙄
I am stating the difference between lodging and being in a house share.
They are completely differ rights.

He does not have the protections of a tenant.
He doesn't pay bills.
He can be given notice to leave.
He does NOT have the right to bring a stranger into the house without permission.
He certainly has no right to have a guest stay over.
The OP gets to decide where he can and cannot be in HER house.
He cannot lock his room.
She can enter his room in her house at any time.

No I have never been a lodger.
But it is really not difficult to look up the rights of one.
It is a vastly different, casual arrangement compared to being a tenant with the rights afforded to you under law.

Show quote history

I agree. It is an entirely different set up to hpuse share. My lodger pays about a quarter of what I pay in bills and mortgage for a reason.

OP posts:

Wellingtonspie · 15/10/2024 20:07

Yes imagine lodger says nothing has friend round 7-9pm in small kitchen that seats two.

Op has also invited a friend round for dinner 7:30pm till whenever. There is no space or now 4 people trying to cram into that space.

It’s just common courtesy I’d say to inform someone that you share one eating area with if you are inviting someone round to eat in said space.

Different to cook and take it to your personal space but not to hog the one cooking and eating area.

Littys · 15/10/2024 20:01

Mrsdoyler · 15/10/2024 19:31

Have you ever been a lodger, or had a lodger?

He didn't have an overnight guest.

He is entitled to use the kitchen and common areas.

Show quote history

I never said he had an over night guest.🙄
I am stating the difference between lodging and being in a house share.
They are completely differ rights.

He does not have the protections of a tenant.
He doesn't pay bills.
He can be given notice to leave.
He does NOT have the right to bring a stranger into the house without permission.
He certainly has no right to have a guest stay over.
The OP gets to decide where he can and cannot be in HER house.
He cannot lock his room.
She can enter his room in her house at any time.

No I have never been a lodger.
But it is really not difficult to look up the rights of one.
It is a vastly different, casual arrangement compared to being a tenant with the rights afforded to you under law.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 15/10/2024 19:56

He is entitled to use the kitchen and common areas.

But anyone with any manners or common sense would mention they wanted use of the kitchen etc at a particular time. What if OP had friends coming round as well?

CrazyGoatLady · 15/10/2024 19:56

lodger · 15/10/2024 19:09

Thanks for understanding. I felt invaded and his friend walked into Mt living room and talked at me in a very patronising tone about the house being really big as if it didn't belong to me. I think she's under the impression that my lodger is an equal tenant and we're doing a house share but he knows it's not that at all

Show quote history

OK so now you're finding more stuff to be unhappy with. First it's not ok for them to be in "your" kitchen space, then you don't like them ignored you and carried on having a personal conversation, then you don't like how his friend spoke to you...this is doomed.

If you feel "invaded" by a lodger doing something you gave him permission to do, then yet again, you should not be having one.

WomenInConstruction · 15/10/2024 19:53

Mrsdoyler · 15/10/2024 19:31

Have you ever been a lodger, or had a lodger?

He didn't have an overnight guest.

He is entitled to use the kitchen and common areas.

Show quote history

Yes, but if she asks him nicely to let her know he could agree without being disgruntled... Assuming op asked nicely. Just as a decent human sharing your space thing.

Mrsdoyler · 15/10/2024 19:31

Littys · 15/10/2024 19:23

He does not have the rights of a house share.
He has the rights that the OP determines when she offers the room.
He either accepts them or he finds a room elsewhere.

As per UK law a lodger has zero rights to have an over night guest, unlike in a house share.
It is a different agreement.

Edited

Show quote history

Have you ever been a lodger, or had a lodger?

He didn't have an overnight guest.

He is entitled to use the kitchen and common areas.

Littys · 15/10/2024 19:23

Mrsdoyler · 15/10/2024 19:17

He's an adult he is allowed to bring people to the house.

If he lived in a flats hare he could bring any friend he wants back.

Why do you think that lodgers can't bring anyone to the house?

What if you were paying for a room in a house, and i said to you "you can never have a friend over ever" how would you feel.

He's an adult with rights.

Show quote history

He does not have the rights of a house share.
He has the rights that the OP determines when she offers the room.
He either accepts them or he finds a room elsewhere.

As per UK law a lodger has zero rights to have an over night guest, unlike in a house share.
It is a different agreement.

Mrsdoyler · 15/10/2024 19:17

Littys · 15/10/2024 19:12

He has his own sitting room as a lodger?
Very lucky.
He's a CF.
The fact he didn't like you telling him is your red flag.
This won't be your last issue.
Why did you tell him friends coming back are no issue?
Foolish.
You have given him the ok for a procession of friends back.
He now can bring back his latest hook up?
Is that really what you want?
Random women staying over?

He's an adult he is allowed to bring people to the house.

If he lived in a flats hare he could bring any friend he wants back.

Why do you think that lodgers can't bring anyone to the house?

What if you were paying for a room in a house, and i said to you "you can never have a friend over ever" how would you feel.

He's an adult with rights.

Littys · 15/10/2024 19:15

lodger · 15/10/2024 19:09

Thanks for understanding. I felt invaded and his friend walked into Mt living room and talked at me in a very patronising tone about the house being really big as if it didn't belong to me. I think she's under the impression that my lodger is an equal tenant and we're doing a house share but he knows it's not that at all

Show quote history

OP, you sound really naive and vulnerable.
I would be very concerned at you doing this.
He is making you feel uncomfortable in your home and allowing his friends to treat you as if he is an equal renter.
He has hugely misled them and you are buying into it.

Get him out and rethink this.

Littys · 15/10/2024 19:12

He has his own sitting room as a lodger?
Very lucky.
He's a CF.
The fact he didn't like you telling him is your red flag.
This won't be your last issue.
Why did you tell him friends coming back are no issue?
Foolish.
You have given him the ok for a procession of friends back.
He now can bring back his latest hook up?
Is that really what you want?
Random women staying over?

Original poster

lodger · 15/10/2024 19:09

BlueBerryBad · 15/10/2024 13:37

I think it's extremely rude for someone who you barely know to bring a stranger into your home without so much as a text or call. It's your home, the minimum is that you feel safe and comfortable. You cannot possibly achieve that with strangers bobbing in and out.

Thanks for understanding. I felt invaded and his friend walked into Mt living room and talked at me in a very patronising tone about the house being really big as if it didn't belong to me. I think she's under the impression that my lodger is an equal tenant and we're doing a house share but he knows it's not that at all

OP posts:

Original poster

lodger · 15/10/2024 19:07

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 15/10/2024 18:32

when you mention a desk in his room, were you hoping / expecting he would eat at his desk - as there is not a table or chairs in his living room.

what time was he using the kitchen last night ? and for how long was he and his friend in there cooking and then eating ?

Hi. I don't mind him eating in kitchen at all and I think his desk is for work stuff. He occupied the living room from about 7 to 9pm. I normally eat around 7.30. In the end I just went in and made food in there but they looked uncomfortable with it and were talking about personal relationship stuff and they didn't adjust the conversation when I was there so I felt awkward and ate in my living room which I don't normally do

OP posts:

Wellingtonspie · 15/10/2024 19:07

Once this one’s done definitely have a written list of house rules with the contract.

Also make the livingroom more eating friendly. The more the space is multi purpose the less like you’ll feel intruded upon.

Original poster

lodger · 15/10/2024 19:02

TartfulRidesAgain2 · 15/10/2024 18:34

But you told him it was ok now and again? When you said that did you also say he must tell you in advance?

Show quote history

Yes so I said I don't mind him bringing guests back to his own living room and space, he doesn't need to tell me and that I dint mind the occasional dinner with guest but to please give me a bit of a heads up. He didn't like but didn't communicate his thoughts so was hard to know where exactly he stood on it. so I'm going to see where we are in two weeks and if it's not a good fit might give him notice

OP posts:

TartfulRidesAgain2 · 15/10/2024 18:34

lodger · 15/10/2024 13:27

I'm happy for him to use the kitchen to be honest and not sure if his living area is conducive to microwave and kettle. It's a good idea though and appreciate the thought on it. I have no issue with him using kitchen its just where he didn't give Mr the heads up that he had friebds over for dinner and the way they both sat talking and eating like I wasn't even there. It made me feel awkward. They were having very personal conversations that I felt I was intruding when u went to make my food

Show quote history

But you told him it was ok now and again? When you said that did you also say he must tell you in advance?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 15/10/2024 18:32

when you mention a desk in his room, were you hoping / expecting he would eat at his desk - as there is not a table or chairs in his living room.

what time was he using the kitchen last night ? and for how long was he and his friend in there cooking and then eating ?

Bringbackspring · 15/10/2024 18:18

Maybe you could have a friendly chat with him and go over what you both consider to be reasonable and appropriate? It might be that he genuinely hasn't realised he's doing anything wrong? Obviously you can ask him to leave without giving a reason or notice, but in the grand scheme it doesn't sound like he's doing anything too bad. You just aren't clear on each others expectations. Try having a chat, it may go better than you expect.

I have had many lodgers (we have one now) and it does take a bit of adjustment. I was really embarrassed to set loads of ground rules and have a contract with the first one as I knew her and it seemed so formal. But honestly as time has gone on and we've had more lodgers, I don't really care any more. Having a definitive list of rules and expectations has been really helpful, and teh contract is a must. If nothing else it just sets the bar from the start that it is a business relationship and there are expectations. One of the rules includes letting us know if anyone is coming round, and all of our lodgers have abided by it quite happily.

I've also gotten much better at raising issues with them if needed. There are quite a lot of things I let go because I don't want to nit pick over small things and you're never going to 100% like everything another person does. But if something really needs saying, I just say it and don't really worry about it.