For husbands ex to be mentioned at FILs funeral

Good for you for taking all the opinions on board, even the really awfully worded ones!

Just an fyi - people are going to carry on posting just having read your op and you're likely to get a continued kicking.

Just ignore it. Don't take it to heart.

You asked, you listened and you took it on board. You can't be faulted for that.

A lot of people aren't able to do that.

I think that's very sensible of you.
Take care

I’m glad you’ve accepted that your initial post was very unreasonable. However, you continue to say that your behaviour with your ex’s family is “respectful” and you wish your husband’s ex had done as you have. That indicates that you still think you’re in the right. But you’re not. You made choices about your level of involvement with your child’s relatives. You’re entitled to make those choices. But that doesn’t mean that your decisions are the correct or “respectful” ones for everyone. Your DH’s ex clearly had a warm relationship with her child’s grandfather. What on earth is wrong with that?

I doubt the mention of your DH's ex girlfriend will be a very big part of the speech it will probably just be something like 'Bob was so pleased when his son David met Sally and they gave Bob the gift of his first grandchild' and the speech will then move on to other stuff. It won't be a long and gushing tribute to the ex girlfriend, so don't worry about it.

Sorry for your loss.

If you think I'm making things up, you're clearly not reading properly before replying?

CLEARLY your husband isn't dead.

When he does die, no-one will be expecting you to 'list his ex girlfriends 'lol' .

It was the 'ex girlfriends lol' that makes you sound nasty here.

She's the mother of his DC, but you're trying your hardest to minimize her and demote her to 'ex girlfriend lol'.

It doesn't matter if they didn't marry, you've only just married him yourself after 11 years.

Would you consider yourself an 'ex girlfriend lol', if you two hadn't married, split up and he married someone else?

You do understand this is her kids family, their aunts, uncles and grandparents, she isn’t just fronting up as she’s some weird loner. She’s turning up to support her children in a continuing relationship with their family.

you Do not come across well. I do think this is about deep seated jealousy and insecurity.

Wow. What an I reading how very very odd.

Even though she's the mother of his children who will be there?

This.

Except she has confirmed she won't even acknowledge her step children's mother if their Dad passes away first and erase her like she didn't exist

This is why step parents get a bad rep

You are being very unreasonable. My brothers ex came to my dad’s funeral and we were very touched she came. My brothers new wife was very civil and they all had a nice conversation and my brother thanked her for coming. Family funerals aren’t the time for this. You’re being very unreasonable. She was a big part of their life too

So are you going to be equally annoyed if your Husband goes to her funeral and is mentioned in the eulogy?

Everyone is giving examples and reasons as to why you are being ridiculous about his being mentioned yet you still think you're not.

There's obviously a lot more gone on which is why you've had to be pre warned that his ex is being mentioned. Are they expecting you to cause a scene?

I've never known anyone have to be wanred about someone's eulogy before

Apart from on here where you've attempted to minimise her and rather than treating her for her what she is.

You can't even show her respect by calling her the mother of his chidlren and refer to her as his girlfriend

You should have hidden the thread when you said you were. It's not going to get better from here.
Good luck though.

Yes leave the thread now with your advice Op. Some people don't know when to stop.

No nerves hit here, however you on the other hand.....

my husbands ex will also be mentioned/ thanked and my BILs ex. AIBU to find this embarrassing and upsetting

Im just going to be publicly mortified in the church when this is read

thank god I posted it and didn’t say anything! I actually feel better about it now that people have explained

Your first attempt at belittling her
they weren’t married for clarity

Your second attempt No certainly won’t be listing my husbands ex girlfriends at his funeral lol

Your third attempt For clarification, my step daughter won’t remember her mum and dad being together because she was a newborn when they split

Your fourth attempt just think she should have taken a step back when they split up (though this isn't your call, your boyfriends family consider her family still because she is the mother of their grandchildren)

Your fifth attempt
Do I wish she had been respectful like me and took a step back when they split up? Yes she's obviously remained as close as they've allowed her to be. Do you also feel "disrespected" by your boyfriends family because they've maintained a relationship with the mother of their grandchildren?

Every single post said you were unreasonable, and pointed out why yet you've taken the hump with my replies?

This reply says more about you than mine do about me and probably forms the reasons for you having to be managed before a funeral

Are you an ex girlfriend? Sorry if this has hit a nerve with you luvvie big hugs x x

I don't think you're as nice and kind as you imply you are, look how quickly you turned on here.

Hmm the fact you apparently have multiple children with multiple exes night explain why you can't understand the fact your DH's family still see ex as part of the family

It's good you took on about FIL's funeral but she's not "just" an ex. She's the mother of his children. She should be mentioned at his funeral.

fils friends will know she once was his daughter in law , and mother to his grandchildren. you can’t erase her existence

Firstly, I’m sorry for your loss. Kindly, you should be more mortified if they didn’t mention her. She’s the mother of one of your husbands children, and one of their grandchildren - what a wonderful thing it is that they kept her involved as part of the family instead of trying to erase her and keep the grandchild around.

This really isn’t about you, and I highly doubt that the guests won’t know who she is - she’s important enough to include in the eulogy.

Why are you making someone else's funeral about you? Give your head a wobble.