For husbands ex to be mentioned at FILs funeral

It's not that she "was" a part of their family, she IS a part of their family as the mother of one of their grandchildren. As are you.

Having been in this exact situation, I understand that it will sting a bit and you will feel awkward on the day. But it won’t even register with the other people present. Ex is part of FiL’s story and will be mentioned as such. It has no bearing on how people see you now.

It’s not about you. Be all and end all.

any issues you have are in your own head and I doubt anyone cares enough about you or her to spend that much brain power on it.

honestly, you sound exhausting. Just support your DP (remember him? The guy who’s just lost his dad?) and keep your insecurities to yourself.

Good grief op; I don’t think you’re quite well. What an odd way to think. Is it extreme levels of jealousy or something?

Embarrassing? Upsetting? Mortified?

You’re being completely ridiculous and unreasonable.

It’s not about you, it’s about the dead person and people that were important in his life. You should be thankful things remained amicable.

Can you explain why you'll find it embarrassing? Is it because some people don't know about his previous child? Or that you feel threatened by his ex in some way?

Your husband divorced her, his parents did not.
No one will be giving you a second thought when the eulogy is read out. You really will be the only person that thinks this is an issue.

She's as much a part of the family to FIL as you are, just at a different time.

YABVU and ridiculous.

How on earth is it mortifying to acknowledge the mothers of FIL’s grandchildren?

Why are you making this all about you?

How is it embarrassing at all? She’s part of the family. Horrible post OP

You’re making a funeral about you. It’s not about you, no need for the dramatics about being mortified because someone is being mentioned.

Why would they be wondering who she is?

Is your stepchild invisible? Will no-one see she's in the car with the mums and kids?

Plus, she'll no doubt be mentioned as 'Sam's' mum 😳

Either way YABU because to them she's obviously still family and families take all different shapes and forms.

I don’t really see why it’s embarrassing. It is a factual part of FIL life that he had a previous DIL who is the mother of a grandchild, and now another DIL who is mother of another grandchild. It’s not mortifying, it’s just facts?

my mum was mentioned in my dad’s speech at his wedding to his new wife, now I think that was bold but me & my siblings appreciated it.

"I’m just going to be publicly mortified in the church"

No you're not. It doesn't reflect poorly on you at all. In fact it reflects well on the family as a whole that they are being so dignified and mature about things.

It's quite fantastic how you've managed to center your own ego in your husbands father's funeral arrangments.

You are being entirely unreasonable to feel publicly embarrassed, or mortified... you knew that he had an ex wife and child when you met him and married him and had children with him? Why do you want to erase that? You don't get more points for finding him first. Get a grip.

All I can think Is the op suffers from pathological levels of jealousy

Why would it be mortifying? I assume it isn’t a big secret that he’s been married before, as they have a child together, so what is there to be embarrassed about? That’s a genuine question because I’m struggling to see your POV on this one.

"Publicly mortified"??

At the mere mention of her in someone else's eulogy??
If you think that people will place such importance on her relationship with the family/your husband, how must they have felt when you were standing up vowing to love her husband for the rest of your life?

Honestly it might sting a bit to be reminded of your DHs past relationships, however they have a child together and she will always be linked to his family because of that.

Your FIL has sadly passed and it sounds like they're mentioning lots of important people in the speech, including the parents on his grandchildren. You're also getting a mention from want you've written - so it does just sound like a lovely speech giving a quick mention on all of the important people in his life.

I don't think that people will be wondering who she is - if it's a family funeral people are more than likely to know about your husband having ex partner and children. It's likely people won't even be paying 100% attention to the full speech, funerals are hard times and a lot of time people are grieving in their own way at a funeral. No one will be thinking anything like that, I'm sure.

I appreciate your feelings around this, although 11 years into the relationship I think you should be feeling more secure than having this as a major (and I mean this bit kindly!) very dramatic worry. I would take your focus off this issue and try to concentrate on your DH, MIL and DC alongside your own feelings rather than worrying about something that no one else will notice.

Are you going to be mentioned too?

When both my MIL and FIL passed.. l was mentioned...even though we had been divorced years and ex had new wife.
But we have a daughter and Grandkids and was part of their life for many many years.
Had loads of lovely times and memories.
All the Aunties/ Uncles/ friends remembered me.
I cannot understand your problem really.
They were part of their lives..

Surely a lot of the people at the funeral will have been at his first wedding, anyway? So it’s not going to come as a shock to them that he was married before.

This is about celebrating your FIL and ALL of those who are a part of his family. Imagine how exDIL and her child would feel if she was left out.
The family need to grieve however they choose without worrying about who they upset. And they have done nothing wrong. If anything it shows a caring and inclusive family.
Please don’t say anything and make this about you because it quite simply isn’t about you at all.