To go pick brother up? Released from prison

can he get the implant. my nephew is a different man with it.he refuses engage in support..other than coming to me. theres been times when his use of narcs has rendered that impossible. hopeful his last time in prison was his very last.

he weaned rapidly of methaadone and tho reluctant eventuaally got implant. has gotten his job bag,and his mental health is so much better.
drugs is given round here-the recovery program d0oes wonders. my favourite ever facebook post ws 3 guys who round 45-50,used since 15 skinny wasted away "no marks"aand this summer they all went to greece after couple years on recovery-all big chunks of men jumping off boats into the se.he can change.
all the love in world -cant do it for him.
x

You’re a good person and a great sister. If there’s a chance to help you should take it, I wish you good luck

Many addicts change. NA is not the only option. If I was made to go to NA I'd still be using. I really get annoyed when people say that NA and AA are the only routes to recovery. Sometimes people just need a different choice to using.

OP support your brother to make good choices but be prepared to let him make shit ones and don't feel bad about it.

Agree with FOJN

I think it's very relevant that those with experience are usiing words such as boundaries, and talking about the role of the addict in plotting out his own recovery rather than being passive while relatives move things around for him

I think it's naïve and unhelpful to pretend that enough love and support is all it takes for an addict to overcome their addiction.

shacklingrusty is sharing his own story as a cautionary tale and it's rather insensitive of you to reprimand him for it.

If you understand addiction at all you will know that it makes people behave in incredibly selfish and dishonest ways. How people behave in addiction tells us about the power of addiction rather than the character of the person.

When we had an addict in our family, I got support from www.famanon.org.uk and I still go to meetings. Families Anonymous is a 12 step programme for the families/friends when there is a suspected drug problem, they have a forum, helpline, litrature, both zoom and in person meetings. Over the years, I have learnt not to enable, look after me, set boundaries etc.
It's so easy to get sucked into rescuing/enabling an addict, unless you have very firm boundaries in place.
There is plenty of support for addicts, if they really want recovery.

'Shacklingrusty' - I don't think your reply is at all helpful to the OP and is insensitive. Sorry for your situation but you can't stereotype everyone dependent on drugs as being the same.

Mrsgrapesauce - you sound very understanding and compassionate. He is lucky to have you.

I was the husband in very similar circumstances and it ultimately cost me my marriage.
Relation of my wife was a junkie waster. In and out of prison, always full of lies and broken promises. We had children, my ex kept insisting on putting him up, when I managed to stop that (after a load of thefts to go score, including my service medals!) She was slipping him money and gave him a key!!

It all came to a head when his dealer turned up with the weasel in tow, who had said that we would bail him out of his drugs debt! Massive row with my kids cowering at the back of the house, threats to come back with machetes the works. Luckily this was pre Dunblane and they had had an argument before even ringing the doorbell, giving me forewarning to go get my handgun from the safe (thank christ my ex didn't know where the key was, she doubtless would have told him as some sort of 'have to show him trust' naivety) so managed to scare the dealer off.

He died a while back. Good riddance. Stole from my children whilst they slept, bought his filthy drugs into our house. Could never forgive my ex for letting that scum have so much access to my children and forgiving again and again and again no matter how much he hurt us all.

@RisingSunn

"Not when young children are involved.

I think OP sounds a great sister - but I don’t think it’s fair if her kids/husband are negatively impacted. Which fingers crossed (and boundaries in place) - they won’t be."

Unless a mother or father aren't ever going to have anything else in their lives or work or care about anyone else, then their children can never always be completely first priority and it's probably actually a good thing they see their mother care for their uncle.

As for OP's husband yeah it's ok if he's not her first priority for the next week as an adult he can cope with that and should support Op and if he can't, id be questioning the relationship.

Not when young children are involved.

I think OP sounds a great sister - but I don’t think it’s fair if her kids/husband are negatively impacted. Which fingers crossed (and boundaries in place) - they won’t be.

Offering a place away from his using environment is helpful but please don't try to organise his life for him. He may need some assistance with certain tasks but he has to take responsibility for them. Some people will frame this as tough love but I think it's about dignity and building confidence in recovery.

You have children so your boundary must be that he has to leave if he uses.

Do it for your mum. And someday irregardless of the outcomes for your brother you can explain to your children you did try very hard to help. Addiction a disease characterized by recovery and relapse. Keep in mind a disease (like cancer) and relapse (like a failed remission). Best hope for you your brother and mum op

Please be careful about exposing your children and family to an addict. Regardless of whether he's currently using or not.

You clearly feel love and loyalty towards your brother, which may well cloud your judgment.

Having spent wasted years trying to help my addict brother, who I loved very much, I would never go there again.

I would feel exactly the same as you.

I wouldn't want to have any regrets.

It's not that easy with methadone unlike normal scripts

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread, but do you think there are deeper reasons for him being a former addict? It's probably really obvious, but I'd suggest therapy for underlying issues. Could he be neurodiverse?
People that are sometimes self medicate.

I know heroin addicts that live on my estate and they live in houses with others trying to recover. I know that they have 'drug workers' which are drugs based support workers. I hope he gets all the support he needs.

A dear friend of mine was a heroin addict for 15 years. In and out of prison, his life was a mess.
His last stint in the big house lead him to a rehab facility where he become a completely different person ( I'm aware rehab doesn't work for everyone). He turned his life around even when everyone doubted him. He lead the last 10 years of his life with various health problems due to his past abuse but he managed to settle down, pass his driving test, get a house, go on holidays. I was incredibly proud and lucky to have him as a friend. He sadly passed away to SEPSIS a few years ago now.

You are amazing for wanting to help your brother and if this is someone truly wants then he can do it and even more so with you by his side.

Just make sure you know your boundaries and if I can give you one bit of advice, is that if he relapses you have to have to walk away because it means he's not ready yet ❤️

Good luck Op.

I think you are doing the right thing, as others has said he may stay clean, he may relapse - ultimately you can't control that but you can show him you love and respect him. I suspect DH is (misguidedly) trying to protect you.

I worked with recovering heroin users many years ago and saw first hand how the stigma and name calling impacted on their self worth. No one is a lost cause, no one deserves to be written off.

Look after yourself and manage your expectations but do what you need to do for yourself and your brother - this is your decision. Your brother is lucky to have you x

His drug service should be able to do it for you on a week day, it's not normally too difficult but they'll need his key worker to talk to the pharmacy etc (unfortunately drug users are prone to lying about their doses so has to be multiple source verified). I got in a lot of trouble as a v junior Dr taking the pts word for it that they were on methadone and prescribed it, they weren't on it all and drug team were v unhappy

Best of luck xx

You are a 💎, he couldn't ask for better sister. Do what your heart tells you.

Just wanted to say good luck to you and your brother.I really hope he can pull through.I think it's lovely you are trying to help.

I would also say more than just treating him to some time together, support him to plug into a recovery community. Offer to drive him to an NA meeting or go to one with him if you find an open meeting. See if you can connect him to outpatient sobriety support. Help him to find a voluntary role or work (that isn’t just going to be with a bunch of lads snorting their wages up their noses). But he absolutely needs to do this stuff for himself. Prison takes control away. He needs to take control back over his life and grow into it. Addicts aren’t served by being surrounded by codependent enablers and you don’t want to become one of those, even if you think you’re trying to be helpful.

This sounds like good ideas but try and make him "drive" these. If everything happens around him, nothing has changed and he will feel a passenger in his own life. It's more dignified but slower to do these things with him...even if it means ringing and asking him if it's okay for you to do it, getting him to pick the gp etc. he is probably more capable than he thinks, as he had a "job" in prison...If he doesn't want to drive any changes, you can't help by only doing it for him. I know you're trying your best but don't wear yourself out. You can't fully save or fully harm other people.

I'm sure you'll get a lot of response to this thread.
I'm a (fairly new - 1 year) addictions social worker.
People are right you can't stop someone's addictions, but that doesn't mean you can't try and support them. The main thing I would focus on in your position is boundaries. Remember where your brothers responsibilities start and other people's end. A lot of people with addiction struggle with responsibility (not because their lazy or wrong, but addiction is a way to escape things you cannot manage - or take responsibility for things you shouldn't be, so you drink/use in order to cope).

Seeing a nice side of life isn't everything. The hard work is the hard work.

If he has never done rehab before or worked with services, helping him to get into services (If he wants this and will make it easy) is a good idea. Being a stable base is a good idea. There are funding sources for rehab etc and he could access this if he wants to (do Not even consider private rehab. Far too expensive, they want money not necessarily what's right for your person, NO guarantee of results).

Being too involved= actively a bad idea, people do much more harm to themselves and others when they are protected from the harm by people being overly involved.

Sorry I didn't read the whole thread but felt my perspective might help. There are also services for people who live with others addictions - al Anon, or whatever is local to you, it is worth seeking support for yourself and encouraging your mum to do the same.