Father of the bride situation

Reading your opening post your love for your step-father rings through - he has always been there for you & still is - if you would like someone to walk down the aisle with you choose him - give him that "honour" ( that's how the older generation see it) as he is your Dad

Invite your natural father as a guest

Don't forget that your step-fathers details can also go on your marriage record as well as your natural mum and dad

The one thing we regret about our wedding is we tried to please everyone. It is you and your partners big day, make sure it is special for the two of you, even if something you do isn’t traditional or how others would do it.

If you want your step dad to walk you down the aisle, then have him walk you down the aisle.

You just have to tell your dad that you would like him to be there (if you do?) but that step dad will be walking you down the aisle. This might not be the best conversation but you need to do it if you want to have what makes you happy on your day.

Whatever you decide I hope you have the best day 😊

OP just to remind you this is what you said, I really love my step dad, he’s made such an effort over the years, was there through my crappy teenage years when I was horrible to him, helped me when I was younger with credit card debt, helped us with a house deposit, texts me all the time to check on us and the kids. He’s just the one I want to give me away.

It really doesn't matter if anyone thinks your mum would be great, walking with the kids or inviting King Charles to do it, you have clearly said what you want and that is what matters. Your step dad sounds wonderful, you know he will take your arm and keep you calm, you trust him so trust yourself and go with your own wishes.

Your dad might be hurt and that's sad but although he is your dad he hasn't earned what your step father has.

I hope your dad takes it as well as he can and you have a wonderful day.

I was reading this thinking it could have been me who wrote it, our situations are very similar, even down to the point that my dad would’ve hated to do a speech (plus I felt he hardly knew me anyway, compared to my stepdad). I got married 7yrs ago and this subject came up. This is what we done, that worked for us all: My real dad came with me in the car to the venue, that way we had some quiet time together that was private and less awkward than a public show. My stepdad then took over and gave me away, and done the speech. Thankfully my dad was very understanding and he said to me he knew that it would’ve been my stepdad I wanted. Just a suggestion, but hope whatever conclusion you come to, it works for you and causes as little stress and upset as possible. Good luck! X

You are massively going to regret having him. That’s my personal opinion. As someone who hasn’t spoke to her Dad since a teenager, my plan was always to have my uncle who I was very close too, but my mum paid for our wedding, she was still shocked when I asked her. It felt right she’s my day1 my rock and the inly reason I wasn’t having her is because the male role, Was the best decision I made, the comfort was another level. It’s a reward to walk someone down the aisle your earn it, has he earned it? It’s hopefully a once in a lifetime moment, share it with someone who has given you lifetime memories, he’s swooping you can’t be there for the once in a lifetime, and not the hard rock bottom days. Who’s been there for you in those days?

I would say, you can not help that sometimes people in your wedding party are no longer in you life a few years on, so control what you can. If a relationship is already questionable don’t really want to include that person. If you had this relationship with someone else would they be in your wedding party? You wouldn’t have someone you speak to twice a year as a bridesmaid. The memories and photos of your day, dont have someone you don’t want a key part of that. You have to pick carefully, I have family who had friends of a couple of years, as bridesmaid course trouble at the wedding friendship gone - have people around you, you know, you love, you trust, the day goes so quickly, you need people you can rely on.

Id text him and let him know that you have decided to have step dad give you away. You wanted to make sure the communication was very clear on this as you didn't want any misunderstanding.

Go for your step dad, 100%. I am married to a man who is step Dad to both my girls. They love him, but I’m fortunate that they have a great relationship with their Dad too. They’re in their 20s now but I think that when the time comes they’ll have a role for both in wedding (Dad will give away, but i’d say SD will be included too). They’re lucky, but from what i’ve garnered (from your posts, and your posts alone) I see that your Dad is a dead duck.

Your mum is like me, fostered and facilitated a relationship with Dad, but he chose not step up to plate.

Giving away a daughter at her wedding is the highest honour, but it’s one that should be earned. I think that honour should go to your dear step dad, but I wish you both the very best whatever you choose x

Team Stepdad here.
He sounds a loving caring father. He's looked after you so well all these years.
Time to step up and show how much you appreciate all that he has done for you as a parent.

Your bio father is a self centred arse and he is making YOUR wedding all about him. Bin the waste of space off, he's had years to step up to the mark and hasn't.

Celebrate with your mum and SDad. Have a lovely wedding on your terms.

My uncle walked me down the aisle as he was always there for me growing up. Dad was supposed to be there but sent apologies on the day blaming diarrhoea/ vomiting bug.

If you can, why not do away with having an aisle to walk down and just come in from the side? So no need to have someone to hang on to. I didn't want to be the centre of attention or anything traditional. It helped we weren't in a church so easy to arrange chairs with no 'aisle' and I just came in from a side room. Either do this or choose your Stepdad and let BioDad have a tantrum if he wants.

Also stop saying you are "too nice" or the nicer person. You need to accept you are just afraid of your bio Dad's reaction and so not dealing with the situation well. No one 'likes' confrontation unless they are a dram queen or nasty person. It's just some of us are better at not being bullied into doing things we don't want and prepared to stick up for ourselves when necessary.

Have you a brother that would walk you down the aisle? I have been to several weddings where a brother has done this. One had her 2 brothers walk down with her, one on each side. Both brides have divorced/inadquet fathers. Another had her brother walk the main part and her wheelchair bound Dad took over at the altar.

I have also been to a wedding where the bride's grandfather walked her down her father having died some years before and another where an uncle did the same.

Another option is for bride and groom walk down together. Friends of ours did this over 30 years ago (church wedding). The couple each had very complicated step family arrangements and this was the perfect solution.

It sounds like you want your (step) dad to walk you down the aisle, he wants to walk you down the aisle and (bio) dad has assumed he is walking you down the aisle.
Tell your (bio) dad very clearly he can be a guest at your wedding. He will not be walking you down the aisle. If he is not happy with that decision, you understand if he decides that he won't attend the wedding and that's not a problem.

Don’t do something you will regret to satisfy his selfish needs!
You know who’s supported you like a Father should for all these years.
I would tell your Father that your StepDad will be walking you down the aisle and making a speech and let him deal with it.
It’s a day to think of yourself and what you really want. Don’t let his faux generosity cloud your feelings.

Oh sorry, just read your messages saying you don't think you can walk down the aisle on your own. Sorry but that's very silly. You don't have to do anything. Have a chief bridesmaid to corral the children and just walk down the aisle.

I had my children walk me down the aisle too. I felt like my heart really belonged to them, and no one else had the right to 'give me away' to my husband.

Saved all that drama - which I think is very outdated and sexist anyway.

I know what you mean about nerves and not wanting to walk in alone - don't do that. I had a fairly informal non-religious wedding but my DH-to-be and I got ready together, travelled to the wedding together and walked in together. It felt like the most natural thing in the world - the whole day was about us being together, after all. You don't need to follow any tradition. Also with parter there with you, you could include your children - less running away potential! Your lovely step dad will still be doing speech etc. You can still make your appreciation for him clear. Best of luck xx

Just tell him he's not doing it. If he's got an issue with it. His problem.

Have to add, I also love the suggestions of walking yourself down the aisle or walking in as a couple (or maybe just you and the children?).
Whatever you do, make sure to show your appreciation to your stepdad in some way. He’s the one who deserves the dad title.

The person to walk you down the aisle should be the person who was an actual parent for you, who is there for you through thick and thin.

It sounds as if your stepdad deserves that honour. However, you could ask your bio dad to walk you from the weddings car to the church. It gives him photo opportunities and gets him involved. But your stepdad will be beside you where it matters. As he should be.

I had a similar issue. Unfortunately my lovely step dad died by the time I got married:(
I didn’t even invite my bio dad and my mum walked me down the aisle

It has to be what makes you happy.

Is your dad able it interact civilly with your mum and stepdad?

I have been at weddings where the bride is walked up the aisle by both dad and stepdad one each side. Others where dad walked with the bride for the first half of the aisle, where stepdad waited half way up and took over for the 2nd half.

If your dad would cooperate with something like this then work out a way to include both of them - it's fine to give your stepdad primacy e.g. have him do more of the aisle, he is the one on the top table doing the speech etc.

If your dad makes any kind of fuss you don't have to include him at all.

I once attended a wedding once where this happened. Both dads went into the bridal room for the first look too! It went just fine and everyone understood.

I don’t think of it as giving away, more your family celebrating you/ passing you over to on a new part of your life.

Nasty nasty person , your need to bring someone down shows who you are .

i had my mum walk me down the isle , she didn’t give me away she wasn’t asked the normal who gives the bride away , she just accompanied me down the isle as I have anxiety and would’ve been a mess or probably ran down that isle , you have to do what is right and best for you , I never invited my ‘father’ and never bothered with the step father (good job as they broke up on my wedding day ) it was only ever my mum that was asked and was wanted . Its not about anyone else just you and your partner .