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Original poster

To think that men shouldn’t be in female changing rooms?

110 replies

Picoloangel · 03/08/2024 17:49

I have a DD who is almost 13. Twice now in H and M we have been in the changing rooms in a branch in London and men have been in the changing rooms waiting for their girlfriends to try on clothes. I don’t mean outside I mean actually in the changing room sitting on a bench.

I am not sure when this became a thing but it makes me really uncomfortable to think that my young DD is in there in a state of undress with men sitting outside. Today she was trying on a swimsuit - the cubicle wasn’t big enough for both of us so she would have had to walk out to show me in full view of an adult male. She didn’t as she didn’t like it but that’s not the point. I know she’ll be in a swimsuit on holiday but this felt different.

The cubicles have these half doors so in theory someone could look over the door. Am I being a pearl clutcher or is this weird? It worries me now that she is starting to go shopping on her own.

OP posts:
missshilling · 04/08/2024 17:51

SerafinasGoose · 04/08/2024 16:20

They have no place in there at all. Of course you are not being unreasonable.

How irritating are the disingenuous posters on these threads, asking in a tone of injured innocence 'what's the problem?' when OP has just explained very clearly exactly what the problem is.

Men do not need to be infiltrating every single space designed for women. Other women don't necessarily want to have your Nigel only feet away when they or their daughters are in a state of undress.

Women are more than capable of purchasing their own outfit without seeking Nigel's opinion. He can wait outside. A mind of one's own is always under good regulation.

I actually value my husband’s opinion. He prefers to wait outside or in the designated waiting area if there is one. I go outside and ask for his opinion if I feel I need to.

Original poster
Picoloangel · 04/08/2024 17:36

Thanks all for your replies and sharing previous threads etc. I genuinely hadn’t noticed this because I always shop online. Until v recently DD and I either shopped online or were in children’s changing rooms and shops.

I work in the criminal justice system and am quite prepared to accept that my reality is a bit more warped than most but it is naive in the extreme for people to think that there isn’t a significant problem with very young women being harassed, stared at by men etc. DD remarked to me yesterday that she couldn’t imagine a situation where a woman in her 50s would be perving at a 12 year old boy and she’s absolutely right but that happened to us yesterday.

Why shouldn’t she have a space to get undressed etc where she feels safe from prying eyes? And yes, women should buy what they want without the opinion of a man. Interestingly on both occasions the men were very controlling - the women rejected clothing which the men cajoled them into buying. 🙄

As re Primark there is a female changing room in our local one and a gender neutral one but at least there is a choice. There are many reasons why women don’t want to be undressed, trying on outfits etc without men being present. We shouldn’t have to justify to to anyone.

I gather that many retailers are getting fed up with the amount of online shoppers, returned goods etc but if they don’t provide female friendly changing rooms what do they expect? I will be buying DD’s stuff online in future. In the meantime I am going to start complaining where I see this happening.

OP posts:
AgathaMystery · 04/08/2024 17:13

Agreed. We are also, almost universally, the ones who take our children shopping for clothes or decide what our young children wear. In my email I say I have very little control over anything but I do control exactly where my money is spent.

SerafinasGoose · 04/08/2024 16:42

usernother · 03/08/2024 17:53

You can complain to H&M but they will take no notice. I'd just boycott them from now on with your daughter.

Primark have listened: not sure whether or not this was the result of the distressed female customer and the video that went viral on social media. But when I took my young son in there last week, they had 'any gender' and 'women only' changing areas.

Made a nice difference from automatically co-opting the women's space whilst men, naturally, retain a space of their own.

Women are half the populace. We are not going away any time soon, and we are not going to sit back and quietly cede over our spaces, sports and medical language without kicking up a fuss, making a lot of noise about it, and using our power as consumers to hit retailers where it hurts.

It's taking far too long but I believe the message is gradually getting through.

AgathaMystery · 04/08/2024 16:27

We have to keep complaining and WRITING every time. I have a bog standard email I send now. Saves time and gets straight to the point.

herecomesthesunyes · 04/08/2024 16:23

I complained in New Look about this! Totally inappropriate. Yes there are doors or curtains and half the time they don’t shut.

SerafinasGoose · 04/08/2024 16:20

They have no place in there at all. Of course you are not being unreasonable.

How irritating are the disingenuous posters on these threads, asking in a tone of injured innocence 'what's the problem?' when OP has just explained very clearly exactly what the problem is.

Men do not need to be infiltrating every single space designed for women. Other women don't necessarily want to have your Nigel only feet away when they or their daughters are in a state of undress.

Women are more than capable of purchasing their own outfit without seeking Nigel's opinion. He can wait outside. A mind of one's own is always under good regulation.

AgathaMystery · 04/08/2024 16:02

Bodeganights · 04/08/2024 15:39

Sigh, it makes no difference. Men of any gender are allowed in what was previously single sex women only spaces. This has been so for many years now.
Primark
M and s
Topshop
Urban outfitters
H&m
New look
Whistles
Hobbs
Bravissimo
Boux Avenue
Ann summers
Victoria's secret
The list just goes on.
I've tried to find the original thread but it was before fwr was split sometime so I'm having no success. If someone else has it? Or knows where to look?

Men can gather clothes just like women can and take them to try on in any change room they feel most at home in. Also women can do the same, you can if you prefer use what used to be the mens room. Same with toilets, same with swim or gym changing rooms (bannatyne's being the exception)
Rape crisis centres (Beiras place a standout exception) hospital wards, fucking prisons.

And for the record I have been trying to stop this shite from happening since about 2003. Hth.

Show quote history

We’re both doing the same work. This is great.

I’m going to keep going. My letters are making a difference. It’s small, but it matters. Once we have no rights at all ;this will happen, we both know it), we will know we did not go quietly.

2024onwardsandup · 04/08/2024 15:44

Lots of cool girls on here

its just sooo pearl clutching to be concerned about male sexual harassment.

2024onwardsandup · 04/08/2024 15:42

of course it’s wrong. Women should be able to go into changing rooms and wander around to look at mirrors from a distance to check fit etc without men.

even among all these so innocent upstanding boyfriends who don’t really want to be there, there will be grim pervs ogling.

Bodeganights · 04/08/2024 15:39

AgathaMystery · 04/08/2024 12:22

Because it made a difference to my little girl.

Don’t trouble yourself about me making a difference. I am regional Chair of a Union, I sit on 3 diversity committees, I am an active member of the WRN, I am writing, lobbying, campaigning in my free time. I am all over this.

Getting chairs moved out of a women’s changing room, thus stopping men waiting there is a victory for me. They come few and far between so we have to claim every one. Now you, if you want to, can go into your M&S and say ‘hey, this has stopped happening in other stores and I want to stop here too’

Y’know. If you want to.

Show quote history

Sigh, it makes no difference. Men of any gender are allowed in what was previously single sex women only spaces. This has been so for many years now.
Primark
M and s
Topshop
Urban outfitters
H&m
New look
Whistles
Hobbs
Bravissimo
Boux Avenue
Ann summers
Victoria's secret
The list just goes on.
I've tried to find the original thread but it was before fwr was split sometime so I'm having no success. If someone else has it? Or knows where to look?

Men can gather clothes just like women can and take them to try on in any change room they feel most at home in. Also women can do the same, you can if you prefer use what used to be the mens room. Same with toilets, same with swim or gym changing rooms (bannatyne's being the exception)
Rape crisis centres (Beiras place a standout exception) hospital wards, fucking prisons.

And for the record I have been trying to stop this shite from happening since about 2003. Hth.

Iggi999 · 04/08/2024 14:38

Oh grow up

altmember · 04/08/2024 13:49

HansHolbein · 03/08/2024 20:22

Of course they shouldn’t be there. But remember, what men want is more important than women and their privacy.

I'm pretty sure those men are only there at their wive's and girlfriend's request, not because they particularly want to be. So blame their female partners. Or are you suggesting it's single men walking into the changing area by themselves just to loiter around? Paranoid muchly?

Happyinarcon · 04/08/2024 13:35

I don’t like it either. My Uniqlo store had mixed changed rooms where everyone got a private cubicle but they were for men and women. I haven’t been back there. I just get a tiny bit extra anxious when men are around somewhere where I’m changing clothes

FranticFrankie · 04/08/2024 13:34

A woman took her partner and son into a cubicle in Next recently
Must have been a bit of a crush in there

WallaceinAnderland · 04/08/2024 13:30

Pervs gotta perv

MartinsSpareCalculator · 04/08/2024 13:28

I'm an online shopper so not overly familiar with the set ups, so what's the need for having any seating at all in the changing room area? Why can't whoever you're with just wait outside the changing room irrespective of being a man or woman?

Starlingexpress · 04/08/2024 13:23

YANBU OP. But the menz yunno…..

Riapia · 04/08/2024 13:17

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/08/2024 20:21

They’re waiting for their girlfriends? Wouldn’t be overly worried.

I think that the OP is worried about something happening that we have been assured not only won’t happen but can’t happen.
It may take some time for women to believe this.

AgathaMystery · 04/08/2024 12:22

Bodeganights · 04/08/2024 09:21

But m and s allow anyone in any changing room. So men can and do go in the bra section change rooms at m and s , bravissimo, all the others, I dont think any are single sex any more and havent been for years. So I dont know why you think getting chairs removed is some great feat.

Show quote history

Because it made a difference to my little girl.

Don’t trouble yourself about me making a difference. I am regional Chair of a Union, I sit on 3 diversity committees, I am an active member of the WRN, I am writing, lobbying, campaigning in my free time. I am all over this.

Getting chairs moved out of a women’s changing room, thus stopping men waiting there is a victory for me. They come few and far between so we have to claim every one. Now you, if you want to, can go into your M&S and say ‘hey, this has stopped happening in other stores and I want to stop here too’

Y’know. If you want to.

Prisonbreak · 04/08/2024 11:48

ScrollingLeaves · 03/08/2024 21:26

A changing room is an intimate setting
and the man would be at relatively close quarters. The young girl would be trying on the bathing suit and could be too tight, or or not fitting right, and she could feel the man was staring. There would also most likely be other women who are not the man’s wife or girlfriend in the changing room not liking him being there either.

Context matters. Somehow there is a difference between a man watching you three feet away in a changing room, and being somewhere on the beach in a crowd of similarly scantily dressed people.

Show quote history

You are right. Context matters yet you have provided a bunch of ‘what ifs’ that didn’t happen in the original narrative.
but what we know to be true is that swimwear worn at a pool, beach etc will be seen by others using the facilities

LlynTegid · 04/08/2024 11:40

I agree with you OP.

I do wonder though if a small proportion of men who are there is because they want to stop other men 'accidentally' going into their wife/girlfriend's changing room.

mondaytosunday · 04/08/2024 10:49

I thought more and more changing rooms were unisex, not just allowing men in to women's chango rooms. It wouldn't bother me - if they are mostly there with their girlfriends what do you think is going to happen?

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