Is this odd for an 11 year old?

What do you mean about the doors? That you have to shut her bedroom door when she's in it or when you're all in the living room the door has to be shut ?

It’s really problematic that you’re given an 11 year old unrestricted access to WhatsApp. She could be talking to anyone. I’m amazed that some parents are still so clueless about the risks posed by internet access.

I bet you any money that she’s being bullied or threatened online.

My first thought was - phone.

They are simply not mature enough developmentally at that age to deal with phones and all they bring.

Sounds like something has happened unfortunately.
Or possibly the start of teenage hormonal behaviour, my DD started her period at the end of year 6.

Yes this! It all sounds a bit strange. Do you mean she panics if she is in a room with an open door - even with other people?
Or does she not like having her bedroom door open?

I’d be concerned about self harm behaviour….something is making her feel not safe, she might need some external help
to discuss it

You have to check her phone everyday. I dont know any parent of an 11 yo that doesn't.
Kids and phones are a bad combo and honestly i can almost guarantee when you do look you will find stuff that either surprises you, shocks you or will make you wonder what else you don't know.
She isnt mature. Shes 11.

Whatsapp isn't good for young kids! The issue is just how easy it is to send a lot of people a message or photo without thinking. Bullying is rife + its too easy to end up talking people you don't know. Parents often allow it way too young because they use it to communicate with their family + its easy for them. I was so glad I was warned + my kids weren't allowed Whatsapp until much older. I allowed normal text messaging, so kids can be in contact but its slightly less fluid + requires more effort, giving them time to think.

When my kids were in year 6, whatsapp caused huge issues + upsets within both my classes. The teachers would issue warning and tell parents it happens EVERY year as kids are too young to think before they post! Bullying + fallings out are rife.

My sons friend had has name duped on Whatsapp by another "friend" in his year, a 10yr who was trying cause trouble by posting racist stuff in someone elses name! I have a friend whose 12yr "J" was added to a group set up by her "friends" entitled "why J should kill herself". J seriously considered it. School did nothing as it was just a "joke". Mum had a huge struggle to get J to realise these were her not "friends" and in the end moved schools.

Its scary how naive "sensible" kids can be. I allowed my "sensible" 13yr old on whatsapp when they started to feel left out. I checked their phone just after. Read a group chat with 6 friends. A friend added their former best friend from primary who moved away 3yrs ago. My kid had barely known them. Then that friend-of-a-friend added someone else new, someone who no-one knew. At first the kids were cautious, asking who are you? This person joked, palmed them off. A few mins later they are chatting away, entirely forgetting a stranger can read everything. It was actually a real kid. But it was scary how easy it was for a stranger to be added + "sensible" kids who knew better were writing stuff + posting pictures that means they could easily be tracked down in real life.

You do realise that you can clear the browsing history on Safari, or use private browsing so there’s no record of what you’ve been looking at? I agree with all the other posters that it could be nerves over going to secondary, the start of puberty etc, but from what you’re saying she’s been given uncensored access to the internet at only 11. It’s quite likely she's seen something online that’s upset her.

Our child wants snap chat and other social media, and we’ve refused, their older siblings were bullied on these

Whatsapp use in their year has already resulted in complaints to parents in a letter from school, as children were throwing each other out of chats.
In reality, they were appointing an admin, and throwing out abusive and swearing members.

As I did check.

I would check phone use, it can be insidious, also consider hormones, and also just anxiety about the new school they will be joining.

People jumping straight to phones but honestly, my first though was puberty/hormones.

This sounds exactly like me a couple months before my period started at the same age.

I remember my step mum breathing a huge sigh of relief, (like she had just connected the dots) when I told her my period had started because she'd spent the last few months really worried about my change in behaviour.

Is there any chance something could have happened to her? I hate to suggest it but a sudden change and her being anxious could be a sign that she’s been hurt or abused in some way. Really hope this isn’t the case but I don’t think you should rule it out.

It sounds like normal age behaviour. Going from primary to secondary is a very strange transition - you go from playing out in the yard, laughing, running, games etc to standing around in secondary school yard pretending to be all grown up as that’s all the older kids in secondary do. Hormones will definitely be kicking in. Privacy needs will be kicking in. Anxiety will be kicking in due to schools, no matter how much she has always looked forward to it - now it’s looming closer, it’s real, it’s here, it’s big, it’s daunting.

Hormones kick in long before periods start.

Have you been able to see any self-harm marks on her? Especially in unusual places where they're unlikely to be seen (e.g. thighs) since she's hiding from you in her room?

You are extremely naive not to be monitoring her phone like a hawk.

WhatsApp is just as bad as any other social media.

I have seen absolutely horrific things on teenagers phones, even the 'good' mature ones. Things I wouldn't believe if you told me.

If it is bullying, having unrestricted phone access is inviting the bullies in to your home, in to her bedroom, they can get to her anywhere, at anytime, through her phone.

If she's wanting the door close, with her and her phone behind it, you need to get very curious about what's going on behind it.

Sorry I realise I've said teenagers there, but I do literally mean as young as year 7.

From your latest message maybe she's discovered masturbation? I was similar at that age and the reason I stared closing doors was definitely masturbation. And this was before I got my period too.

The moods are probably just pre-teen angst. She sounds like a lovely kid. I would respect her boundaries, and just make sure she knows you are always there for her.

Continue doing activities together that you both enjoy, but do not push for information if you want her to trust you. She'll open up when she's ready, if there's anything for her to open up about and you maintain your close relationship.

My son went through an odd stage before starting high school. He has always been mature for his age, no concerns, easiest placid kid ever then suddenly he was acting odd, laboured breathing and weird mannerisms. Think he was going with panic attacks/ anxiety which was very weird for him. He also was looking forward to high school (passed his 11+ and got the school he really wanted) and no bullying at primary school.

Anyway long story short, he sort of grew out of it. The more I tried to help and talk to him the worse it was, so I basically turned a blind eye to it and it resolved. I'm not saying to do that but the more I put the issue in the spotlight the worse it got.

I hope your daughter gets back to her old self, it's a very stressful time seeing your child that way and thinking they are going to be that way forever. Mines now 15 and a placid teen. He was only like that for 4/5 months but seemed like an age.

It could be a few things, firstly it could hormones, she could be being bullied, it could be the anxiety of leaving primary school and going to high school, it could be that not many of her old friends will be at the new school.

Just try and speak to her about it and see if you can get to the bottom of it.