AIBU to want to tell sibling I’m going no contact?

That’s a horrible thing to write and I’m sure far from true. That her parents do care for her and love her. Why would you write someone like that?

op. Is there a dynamic here of you and your sibling effectively ganging up on your older sibling and your parents trying to keep the peace? How would your older sibling write about the dynamic?

If the relationship is over and you’re certain you don’t want to salvage it I’d just tell them exactly what you think and feel. They might not give a shit but you’ll have got it off your chest.

keep your relationship with your younger sister and detach from older sibling plus parents. Whatever you do or say, it will make no difference, I have been where you are. Enjoy your life, make friends, be happy.

There is nothing wrong with going NC but you have to be prepared that it doesn't equate closure whether you speak to them about it or not.

Even if you do speak to them closure is highly unlikely.

I think the only way you will get closure is if they say they are sorry and beg you not to go non contact. The more likely scenario is that they will blame you/tell you you are being overdramatic/accuse you of something re the money/wedding. This will not give you closure and may be something you cannot come back from. Just don't contact them again. No need to tell them why. To go on holiday at the time of your siblings wedding is horrible behaviour.

Just stop talking to them

And distance yourself from your parents

They're central to this

Oldest sibling is obviously the golden dc.

I too think your parents are behaving badly.

Just silently reduce contact, get on with your own life and support your younger sibling.
Your older sibling is nasty.

I'm with your dh , just quietly reduce contact

Your older sibling wants you to get visibly angry with them. That way they can tell your parents "see what I have to put up with" and garner further sympathy. So don't do it. Listen to your DH on this one and just go no contact without telling them. They'll quickly work it out for themselves, at which point they'll go to your parents and complain, at which point you say that you were just following older siblings' wishes as they clearly have no interest in being in contact with you and your younger sibling. If they did want to be in contact they sure as hell wouldn't be going on holiday instead of attending the wedding.

I hope you enjoy the wedding, but more importantly I hope your younger sibling does!

@Lostwelshlady been there done that!!! ended up no contact with big sis and parent!! life was so much happier after years of the favouritism being thrown in our faces!! your parents are just as bad as your sister. you will ever be on your parents radar until they need you for help with their care!!! tell them all to get lost!

Do you visit people who don't like you?

If you don't want to stay in touch with your sibling, then don't.

If you speak to them they will not miraculously say "oh my goodness, you are so right, I've behaved really badly and I will now change and we'll have a wonderful relationship". Nor will they sit quietly and just accept it - they will argue back.

If you want to talk to them to say all the things you've never quite dared to before, then write them down. Do not send it to them.

No contact is not done to give closure - it's done to protect yourself from toxic people. So going back and having "one last conversation" is counter productive.

Young sibling is devastated as nieces/nephews were part of the wedding party, and seating plans etc now all incorrect.

I mean Jesus! Way to have fucked up priorities. Devastated as seating plan is incorrect. You all sound as dramatic as each other, and in particular, you all seem determined to fight about everything instead of quietly doing anything/nothing. Your husband is right.

Deciding to go abroad instead of going to your sibling’s wedding is a pretty awful thing to do. Your younger sibling is understandably extremely angry about this but what happens if you announce you’re no contact and then your younger sibling decides she wants to try and make up with your family.
You can support her and also distance yourself but if you want to cut off all contact with the older sister then it may well come at the cost of all your family relationships.

Anything you say will be taken badly and will add to your parents' impression that you and your younger sibling are in the wrong.

Walk away... be civil to your parents... support your younger sibling and prepare yourself for the likelihood that you will not come out well on the will.

Oh yeah golden child vibe here is strong re the eldest. Your parents should treat you all equally and shouldn’t have created this dynamic. They are very much part of the problem. NC will oldest sibling sounds the best way forward and low contact with your parents. It’s also a good way to avoid your parents bleating about why you don’t get on and how hard it is for eldest sibling etc etc.

Amused that stress can cause meningitis. Sounds very dramatic to me. I don’t go and visit everyone who is in hospital who is having tests. So does the flouncing out of the country pre-wedding siblings wedding. Who does that?! Well, your oldest sibling l suppose. I would love to hear more of the back story

Au contraire, I think they will be delighted. Don't give them the satisfaction.

Write them a letter. Burn it and let the ashes go into the wild blue yonder. Bye bye horrid sibling.

Pour all your energies into making other sibling's day super.

You're not being unreasonable to go NC, but it would be to announce it, it'll just cause more drama which your family seem to enjoy, just fade them out and keep quiet, life has it's own way of just carrying on x

I agree with your DH. I would go no contact but there’s no reason to tell them you’re doing it. Take all the emotional charge out of the situation and just let it be, move on and be happy in your life.