Background- I’m one of 3 siblings (middle child) I have never been close to oldest sibling, we’ve had various falling outs over the years but managed to remain civil if visiting our parents at the same time, would send xmas cards etc. I’m very close with my youngest sibling who is getting married in 3 days. They have had a similar relationship with older sibling, civil but not close, but was close with older siblings teenage children who were due to be in the wedding party.
For various reasons, our relationship with older sibling has become more strained due to siblings partner (in our opionion) taking advantage of our parents (lots of cash gifts to older siblings partner to save home from creditors due to business going bust twice) siblings partner making numerous comments about how well off they’ll be once my parents have passed (including talking about hoping to take ownership of family home when one parent was very ill in hospital)
My parents have (for reasons unknown to us) always favoured older sibling and their partner, and will not hear a single bad thing about them. At a recent family wedding older sibling tried to start an argument with youngest sibling because of their refusal to let them babysit their young child and various other non issues. Youngest sibling told them this wasnt the time or the place and to behave. (Parents sided with older sibling and said babysitting youngest siblings child would help them get over a recent early pregnancy loss)
A few days later oldest sibling called unannounced with youngest sibling, and continued the argument. Youngest sibling again told them to leave.
Two weeks ago oldest sibling goes into hospital with migrane/meningitis type symptoms. Parents blame youngest sibling for causing oldest sibling stress.
Wedding rehearsal last night, oldest sibling and family don’t show. Parents call them and are told they are abroad, and won’t be attended wedding. Young sibling is devastated as nieces/nephews were part of the wedding party, and seating plans etc now all incorrect. Parents say youngest sibling and me are to blame for not visiting oldest sibling in hospital etc. Youngest sibling sees this as an end to any type of relation with the older sibling, and I feel that I cannot forgive this either.
I don’t wish to fall out with my parents prior to siblings wedding, but also feel very protective of my youngest sibling and cannot stand them being blamed for older siblings behaviour and so feel I should stand up for them, but probably won’t say anything until after the wedding.I also want to contact older sibling to tell them how angry and disappointed I am that they have behaved this way towards youngest sibling, and sneaking off with days to go with no warning. My husband says not to bother and to just accept the relationship is now over without bothering to tell them I’m going no contact, but part of me feels I need to tell them how disappointed I am just to get some kind of closure. WWYD?