boyfriend of 6 months shared sexual history | AIBU

Op says that he set his tinder age at 18 and that is how he met these younger women. So yes he did lie

I think how you feel about it and your own insecurities are clouding your opinion.

Really there is no power imbalance if it was casual, and honestly I don't think many 19 or 20 year olds are considering some guy they met to hook up with to be 'the one'. They are after exactly the same thing, which is a casual shag and maybe somebody to drink beer with.

I think the situation will resolve itself very soon as he will realise you are completely OTT and walk away.

She means he sat his age bracket to the lowest, being 18, not that he said he was 18. When you are on tinder you can customise what age people can respond to you, so if you're 35 you might set your range 30 to 40 giving 5 years each direction.

There are relationships that could be inappropriate without being actually illegal though, and if there were a pattern of these in someone's past they may be someone to avoid having a relationship with.

And some could be illegal but not particularly worrying or an automatic sign of anything - a 16 year with a 15 year old, say.

His previous sex life is absolutely NONE of your business. Hope this helps.

I guess the question is, what would you consider to be an acceptable age gap? 2 years? 5 years?

Honestly, I too don't see this is a problem. It might be a problem, if for example he'd been their teacher or doctor or other 'position of trust. But otherwise I just see this as two consenting adults doing something that many consenting adults do.

If that doesn't align with your values then rather than trying to get him to see it from your point of view, it's probably best to leave the relationship. If you're unable to see past it, it will probably poison things for you in years to come. It's better to be with someone who broadly has the same values as you.

Gosh you sound like hard work.
Your morals don't match his.
People have much bigger age gaps.. no crime was committed.
You need to get over your self.
Let him go to find someone who is less judgemental.

And? So she did feel adult enough to flee the nest?
I was still living with my parents when I was dating my older chaps, and they were absolutely delighted when one asked their permission to marry me. We were together 15 years.

No he set his age range from 18, not his own age.

I'm on the fence because the age of consent is 18. So the question would be how would I feel about a 27 year old man setting his age range for 17. I'd consider it creepy. Could they properly date at that age, as go out for a drink, or is that underage as well? Seeking out teens to shag would put me off.

Most people will have a history. If you're struggling to get over past sexual partners, maybe you should look for a virgin, someone who doesn't believe in sex before marriage.

I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill and virtue signalling. They were all consenting adults and your post doesn't have any information to suggest anyone was vulnerable. Not every interaction between two adults has a power dynamic - you sound like you spend too much time online. If it gives you the ick, don't date him but I'm not sure why you're having some huge moral dilemma.

Not exactly Anthony Kiedis or Leo DC is he 🙄

If you have an issue with the age gaps that's up to you and it's your perogative to end the relationship.

Where I think you are unreasonable is "I encouraged him to see how problematic that is". He might have done something you personally wouldn't do, but he hasn't actually done anything wrong. I don't think it's right for you to try and make him feel bad about something that he did before you even met him.

If a new partner told me they wanted me to reflect on my past problematic behaviours I'd be telling them where to go!

I think you either have to accept it or end it. But all this "I need space and I need to draw boundaries" is really wrong and unfair in my opinion.

I think you are wasting a great deal of headspace on this as he has probably already decided to dumped you.

My point being that you cannot expect a full run down of every act a person has carried out throughout the course of their life like an onboarding interview to ensure that it tallies with your own moral compass. You have no idea about the thoughts that go on in someones' head and rightly so.

He may well have had/would like other encounters that are more morally dubious to the OP, but he's keeping those under his hat. There is no way of knowing, but after six months, she's just found out that the bloke she is seeing has got some attitudes that are problematic for her. This could happen at six years in, sixteen years in and six children with him. It's your own responsibility to decide if a person is someone you want to stay in relationship with and this is an ongoing process.

It's just part of being in a relationship. It's part of the deal of being human and navigating a relationship with a human, you don't get to pick a squeaky clean one off the shelf with the features you've ordered, especially pertinent the older you get.

"He again gave me mixed responses. He first told me he respected the space needed but later in the conversation he emotionally withdrew and told me if I’m planning to with him to let him know so he can let go."

That's not a mixed message tbf, that's consistent.

I think you either have to accept it or end it. But all this "I need space and I need to draw boundaries" is really wrong and unfair in my opinion.

I agree with this. Obviously people have a range of opinions on whether the age gap is concerning- you're entitled to yours and you're entitled to end the relationship over this or anything else you choose. But equally, he is entitled to have had a past and to reject your analysis of it. You just need to decide what you want to do, not worry about what others would do.

FWIW I had a long term relationship with a man 12 years older than me when I was 18. There probably was power dynamic because of age (which I wasn't at all aware of at the time, nor that anyone might find it strange- his female friends used to be a bit weird with me and at the time I thought they just didn't like me, but in retrospect I think they felt uncomfortable with the situation) and also the fact that he had a "cool" occupation whereas I was a student. I regret it now, largely because it meant I didn't take full advantage of the stage of life I was at. But also I don't think he exploited me or had a problematic view of the relationship at all- in fact, the difference in life stage worked the other way, so when I was 21 I wanted my independence whereas he wanted to get married...I'm not sure these things are ever as straightforward as "old person is exploiting young person".

Especially if she's then going to criticise him for drawing his own boundaries

Haven't you seen the Childfree Board?

Or Dadsnet?

Or noticed that men post on all the threads on here?

Which one was only a year over the age of consent (16)

It's 16 in the uk

OP is in the USA.