To ask DH to only attend one of these wedding events?

130 replies

DuckBilledPlatypus3 · 23/05/2024 09:01

In genuine need of a sense check here.

My DH’s cousin is getting married at the end of next month. The wedding is in Wales, we live in Kent. They are having the ceremony one weekend (weekend one) with only a small number of invited guests and then the following weekend (weekend two) they are having a big celebration with lots of people in a rural location. I will be staying at home with our two DSs, aged 2 and 4 months.

DH wants to go to both ‘parts’ of the wedding, which will mean he’s away for two full weekends in a row, due to the travel time. I think I’ll struggle to manage both boys on my own for two weekends, particularly overnight as they both wake up multiple times a night, often at the same time and I can’t be in two places at once. Baby is fully breastfed and our older one is having a daddy phase and is currently refusing to be put to bed by me. I’m just not really sure how I’m going to manage this and I’m really not looking forward to it.

I have asked DH if he minds just going to one ‘part’ of the wedding, either weekend one or weekend two, but it turns out he very much does mind and wants to go to both. I think he’s being unfair. Is he?

AIBU to insist he only goes to one?

OP posts:

Bumblebeestiltskin · 29/05/2024 08:33

DuckBilledPlatypus3 · 23/05/2024 09:09

I have expressed similar to him. This would just never happen. He just wouldn’t.

Show quote history

Then you are NBU, but this is an issue you need to deal with completely separate to the wedding issue, I'm afraid.

NoMoreLifts · 29/05/2024 11:41

Growlybear83 · 23/05/2024 10:40

@Solidlump
No I'm not suggesting that his relationship to his cousin is more important at all. But a wedding is a once in a lifetime event which he wont get to take part in again. None of us knows why his cousin has chosen to have a two part wedding, but the OP's husband is clearly one of the people who the cousin counts as one of their closest family/friends for him to have been invited to the first event. He has 50 other weekends in the year to spend with the OP and his children, and I don't think it's unreasonable for him to attend the wedding of a close relative.

Twice in a lifetime event. Two weekends.

abs12 · 30/05/2024 03:56

It's really not about fairness. It's about supporting each other to do the things in life you really want to do, to engage with the world. It's not a competition.

So, you're a mother, you'll rise to the occasion. It's not that hard and I know because I've done it plenty of times for weeks at a time, because we had to. The laundry might be piled up, there may be takeaways, mess, pjs might feature more often than not... but who cares, it's not for long. Support him gracefully and don't feel slighted. You're a team, not a drama club.

CanadaNotAMum · 30/05/2024 04:10

Growlybear83 · 23/05/2024 09:54

Of course you are being very unreasonable. Your husband is clearly close to his cousin and hopefully this will be the cousin's only wedding. You can't expect him to miss either of the ceremonies. I don't think it's at all unreasonable to expect you to look after your children alone for two nights on two occasions for a reason like a wedding.

Assuming OP also has cousins who might get married and have a 2 consecutive weekend wedding, if she came to Mumsnet and asked “AIBU to leave my partner parenting for 21 consecutive days and causing him stress”, I’m willing to bet you’d say she was unreasonable there too.

He can go to one wedding weekend like a normal person. The couple has chosen to have 2 wedding celebrations, surely there will be people not going to both because that’s quite a lot. And the bride and groom aren’t really likely to remember details of which cousins were at one vs both events. He got an invitation, not a summons.

Harry12345 · 30/05/2024 15:39

Is people remembering she’s only 4 months post partum, I was still struggling physically and mentally at that point, it’s ok for woman to say they will find this tough and expect their partner not to party 2 weekends in a row.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6