Uncomfortable DM taking DS (2) to meet her friend

54 replies

Linespotting · 11/04/2024 12:02

We (my DH and I with our 2yo DS) are staying with my parents for the week.

We all get on like a house on fire normally.

DM has a needy friend with MH issues and they volunteer at the same shop. The other day DM took DS to the said shop to see this lady. DM mentioned that he gave the friend a hug when left (DM made DS give this woman a hug is more what happened). This made me and DH feel uncomfortable… like why are you getting her to hug strangers?

Fast forward to today and there are other family visiting so we all take a stroll and end up in this shop. Mum take DS to see this woman. DH swiftly interjects and removes him firmly.

DM comes over after and says ‘oh that’s only “x lady”, she’s has panic attacks and she really likes DS’ and DH just said ‘well I don’t like it’.. mum goes on a bit more and DH says ‘just leave it’ and DM storms off.

DM is barely talking to us. Clearly very offended. Waiting for then other family to leave and I’m sure she’ll want to talk about it.

How can I calmly explain to mum that DS is not a pat dog she can parade around. I agree with DH about it but he feels much stronger. I know if he talks to her it will get heated and we are here for another few days.

OP posts:

JMSA · 11/04/2024 13:47

The friend, I mean.
And actually your mum.

KreedKafer · 11/04/2024 13:56

If she says 'Give the lady a hug' and he hides behind your mum and says 'No I don't want to' and she tells him off and forces him to hug her and he cries. that's a problem.

If she says 'Give the lady a hug' and he hugs her without a second thought, I really don't see the problem. However, if you are very against him hugging anyone, then say 'We'd rather you didn't tell him to hug people'. The way you and your DH have handled this is a massive overreaction.

Your DH was being a total dick to go and 'remove' your child for a harmless situation and to act as if it was the end of the fucking world that your mum had introduced her grandchild to her friend. She literally just took him over to see her and say hello, and he 'removed' your child? It wasn't even about the hug, he literally wouldn't even let your mum take your toddler to say 'hi' to someone she knows. Fucking hell. What an obnoxious way to behave.

You say it isn't about the mental health issues but as you've mentioned them numerous times and called her 'needy' and referred to her as 'this woman' I think that's definitely a factor for both you and your DH, even if you're not conscious of it. It's really fucking obviously that your DH doesn't want your son saying hello to someone he's decided is some weirdo.

betterangels · 11/04/2024 14:12

So It's not about her mental health, but you decided to put it in the OP plus call her needy?

Your son shouldn't be made to hug anyone. But you and your husband aren't coming off great. It's the friend and your mother I have sympathy with.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 11/04/2024 14:39

Agree with all the other posters. Nobody should be forced to hug anybody, but you aren't even sure that's what happened here.

I bet your mum felt embarrassed. Your husband sounds like a dramatic tit.

Small children are absolutely wonderful and cute and lovely, and by their very nature, they make people feel happy.

Why is that not a good thing?

Flip

1 2 3