In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

Argh! And the hunger after labour is another level.

I’m really not sure why they act so bloody stupid sometimes. My parents forget my husband is a devout Muslim who doesn’t drink or eat pork… 🙈

My own parents will invite me for dinner and cook lamb. I’ve not eaten lamb for 30 years and they STILL don’t get why I’ll only eat the steamed veg with no gravy

I don't think the OP is going to come back TBH.

Being a vegetarian isn’t a ‘faddy diet’ or something ‘trendy’ it’s not even a diet - it’s a LIFESTYLE choice .. it’s choosing not to eat sentient beings that had a bolt through their heads and then hung upside down and had their throats slit or 99% of pigs in U.K. alone are gassed to death which is VERY painful ..

Unless your in-laws are suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia (then we should be more forgiving of course) but they sound like they really don’t respect you

Its not hard to put together some veggies, yorkies and roasties together with some cheap and cheerful onion gravy oxo granules ..

How about explaining how important it is to your MIL that being vegetarian is to you?

How about saying ‘hey mil/fil .. I really don’t mind bringing some of my own foods .. being a linda mcartney gravy ‘meat free’ pie 🥧 or even get your H to ask them if (even just a one off) you bring (either home made ..) or a Marks and Spencer’s vegetarian Wellington or a vegetarian Nut roast from a food store like ‘Cook’ .. some red pickled cabbage .. some m and s veggie gravy , a medley of green veggies, asparagus, bread sauce , home made big fluffy vegan Yorkshire puddings , colcannon mashed potatoes, roasties with olive oil and sea salt and m and s vegetarian ‘pigs in blankets’ .. say you’ll cook, prepare, buy everything.. nothing to lose in asking them all and I bet they’ll be pleasantly surprised at how delicious it is!

If they say no (and if they’re anything like how my in laws were) they’ll probably turn their noses up at the idea but if they can’t even make the effort to ‘meet you half way’ then please don’t go back again! Life is too short to have people disrespecting you

@ChedderGorgeous the people that heat meat are not vegetarian

Then you know some strange 'vegetarians'. In fact they'd be omnivores.

Just bring your own food if you don’t like theirs?

Are they a bit thick, or ignorant to what a vegetarian diet is.
I’m long time veggie and I’ve been asked if ‘chicken counts’ , how about ‘beef gravy’ after all it’s just gravy.
I think some people think it just means you just don’t eat steak and bacon butties.
I’d spell it out, or just start taking my own food.

Haven't RTFT but could you eat beforehand and then claim a tummy upset so can't eat lunch. Just drink loads of wine and smile ( in the interests of "avoiding drama" that's my new mantra) not because you should have to.
Maybe next time you could have a terrible headache and not be able to go at all. Would be a shame.
TBH, I'm a pretty good cook but I've stuffed up veggie food ( chicken stock in the pumpkin soup etc)

They need to be told - it’s happened for long enough. Leave everything on your plate that you can’t eat - even if it’s absolutely loads. Tell them that much as you appreciate them hosting and cooking, you’ll have to pass on having meals at theirs now as you can’t eat a lot of it and are going hungry. Offer to bring a prepared meal to heat up. If after that they still don’t try to make a meal everyone including you can eat, bring out the prepared meals…

Do you specifically say you can't eat that as your a vegetarian everytime or do you just say no thanks to meat. If they dish up for you say does anyone want this as I can't eat it as it contains meat don't just stay silent and leave it on your plate. If their oblivious then you need to speak up if their doing it to be horrible then don't go round there

Haven’t rtft but this is something for DH to sort and make clear with his parents, to avoid putting you on an awkward position. ‘OP can’t have that, she’s vegetarian, remember! What can she have?’

But she’s not asking for a special meal - just something she can eat. A special meal would be one of her own choosing. It’s basic hosting to make sure your guests can actually eat what you’re serving. It doesn’t have to be their favourite meal or first choice, but why would you even bother to invite people around if you’re resentful of the very fact that you will have to cook something, or that they might want to actually enjoy their meal?

Maybe you genuinely “wouldn’t dreeeeeam” of expecting someone to cater for your dietary choices. I tend to find that people who think like this have simply never been put in that position. Are you really trying to tell us that, if you hated pork (for example), you wouldn’t feel just a little bit put out that your husband’s parents insisted on serving roast pork every time you visited?

In other words, be a total doormat and virtually beg for acceptance from her husband’s family, wittering “I don’t want to be a nuisance” in a mousy little voice. Sod that.

Of course OP wouldn’t cook “big juicy steaks” for her in-laws - very few vegetarians are comfortable with cooking meat. But that doesn’t mean she’d deliberately give them something they can’t eat. And given their son does eat meat, there’s absolutely nothing to stop HIM cooking it for them when they visit.

Wow! Being a host is an honour. And I always ask guests for likes, dislikes, allergies or intolerances. Don't have guests ever if this is how you feel.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable . It’s not hard to not include meat . It is your choice to be a vegetarian and you have a right to that , if they have offered to cook for you then it should be food you can eat . It’s completely different to being fussy! If , for eg , you lived with them and they wouldn’t cook vegetarian food I would say well maybe you should cook your own but if they’re inviting you around for food they should accommodate your preference .

They are determined to grind you down and exploit your natural courtesy to force you to eat "sensibly" according to their lights. Give them a chance each time, and when they fail, tell them not to worry, ask DH to get you a clean plate if necessary, and produce your lunch box, as others have said. A hard boiled egg, a bit of cheese and cut-up salad bits with a crispbread will be enough given how tense you will be. Avoid crisps and fruit if you don't want children saying, 'I want what Mummy's having.'
My MiL's idea of vegetarian was to miss the meat off the plate and just give me the potatoes, carrots and cabbage.
When she came to visit us, I asked her if there were foods she didn't like. "Oh no, I eat everything." So I described our usual rissotto, curry, pasta, rice'n peas with fried plantains, couscous, ratatouille, massive salads. She was appalled. "I meant I eat normal food." I actually like designing meals that accommodate everyone's preferences, so we came to an understanding.
But I always had nuts and sultanas in my handbag, and reminded myself that a day's fasting was a good idea occassionally.

Strange. A lot of vegetarians I know, are mainly so because of nutritional reasons and sometimes will lapse - chicken nuggets after a night out or similar, so aren't so puritanical. In this scenario a dash of beef gravy or sprinkling of pancetta isn't a massive issue if only 6 times a year.

Bring your own food every time now. Don't even let them try to persuade you. That way you'll always have something to eat.

I feel your pain , I've been veggie for nearly 10 years. About 2 years ago my MIL served up spaghetti in carbonara sauce when I visited for lunch. I could see bits of pork in the sauce. I told MIL who insisted it was mushroom. I looked at the label, it was in fact pork. She then said . Can you not eat round it 😆 then she asked me to box it up and take it home for my partner instead!
My SIL is a stricter vegetarian than me and MIL cooked the roast potatoes with goose fat when we all visited for Christmas dinner. She asked me and SIL 'You're ok with goose fat potatoes , aren't you?'
In summary, some people are just beyond help and just thick.
Don't expect them to change.
Either take your own food or don't go in future.

Do you say anything when the food is served up?

Yes you can.

This!
@ChedderGorgeous
"If you are a vegetarian due to health benefits/ personal taste, having a dash of beef broth or something every 8 weeks for family harmony doesn't seem like such a big deal."

You are either being disingenuous or have never cooked for a vegetarian. Every vegetarian I've ever met (and I am one) does it for a mixture of moral and health benefits.

And no. I don't know any vegetarians who would accept eating a dash of beef broth every 8 weeks. 😂 As if the fact that it was "broth" rather than a big ol steak would make any difference!!! 😂

Being a vegetarian or vegan is NOT being fussy
my dd is vegetarian and her h can’t eat anything with milk in , so whenever they come for dinner i make sure that they can eat most of what I cook with adaptions for us and them it’s what families do for each other

Not a vegetarian but never liked the food at my in-laws. They used to put sugar in their pepper-sauce 🥹 After much trying to "just try a bit of it" I just stopped eating whatever I didn't like because I knew in advance it would sit in my stomach for the next 24 hours. They're gone now but I swear that it was not my "fussy eating" that caused their demise!

Can’t you just remind them you’re a veggie?