In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

You really do talk utter nonsense.

Just how old are your oarents @Calliopespa?

No they're not still vegan, they're omnivores who usually eat vegan food.

I’m sure they are doing it on purpose and it’s very rude. You shouldn’t need to remind them but what do you say when then serve you meat?

If you politely push it aside and say nothing then maybe they need constantly reminding? ‘Oh no the peas have pancetta, I’m vegetarian as you know, do you have any vegetables without meat that I can eat?’

Then DH gets involved so
In-laws ‘would you like to come over for lunch’
DH ‘that would be lovely, just a reminder OP is vegetarian - she wasn’t able to eat much last time - shall she bring her own food or will you do some veggie food?’

No you shouldn’t have to. But clearly they need pulling up on it.

My parents are in between

You are right about the attitudes. I find it in real life too if I'm honest. I was vegetarian for years and the number of people who thought I should have, for example, a tuna sandwich was unbelievable. As if fish aren't sentient creatures! A lot of folk consider it faddy and inconvenient, especially when you find yourself in the position of not being able to eat anything on a menu. Or there is one option and - shock horror - you don't like it. You are given the eye roll while everyone else goes 'oh what shall I have from this amazing meaty selection?'😆 if we have vegetarian or vegan guests, I cook something vegetarian/vegan for them and sling a bit of meat on the plate for anyone who can't live without it for one sodding meal, rather than the other way round. But then I was vegetarian when I was getting to grips with cooking, so it's not a big deal to me.

I'm vegetarian and I would bring my own meal

'Parents age' could be 40 or 90!

Which is what?

There are such shocking attitudes towards veganism and vegetarianism on mumsnet

I mean you get people thinking FOIS GRAS is ok!! 🤯

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle

"Honestly give me strength. Being vegetarian or vegan is, for the vast majority of people who choose to be so, a philosophical choice because they care about animal welfare.

I'm not vegetarian but I don't eat a number of animal products for animal welfare reasons. I don't eat pork for example. If someone served me roast pork I would eat the vegetables and potatoes. I couldn't force it down as, for no other reason, I really dislike the taste. At a Hogmanay dinner last year roast pork was on offer. The cook didn't know I didn't eat it but because he's not a complete dick (a) he'd prepared a selection of dishes and (b) he wasn't in the least bit bothered as I ate his lovely, non meat dishes.

It's really, really, really not difficult to cook a meal which doesn't contain meat."

The HUGE difference here is that you can remove the meat from your plate and eat the non-meat foods. If someone serves me food with gluten I can't pick the gluten containing foods off the plate because the cross contamination would make me sick for about 10 days. Somehow I feel that me shitting lava and having the resulting gut damage that can take up to 12 weeks to heal is slightly worse than the hurt feelings of a veggie/vegan.

I thought it was funny - and understand the drive to lighten up a thread becoming very rude and aggressive.

I think it's incredibly rude of your in laws and must be deliberate. My daughter has been vegetarian since she was 14 - so for nine years - and I've always respected that. It's just not that hard. We offer to take food for her if it's a problem when going to other people's houses - say for Sunday lunch.

I think you should either not go or insist on bringing your own lunch.

My parents age for instance.

Nonsense, all true Brits eat roast beef and nothing else, three times a day, come hell or high water. We didn’t win the Battle of Stalingrad by eating potatoes. Perhaps you are one of those Scottish types?

What "older generations" are you referring to?

Personally I am happy to respect a person’s choice of being vegetarian and I don’t find vegetarian food difficult to prepare ( vegan, if I’m honest, starts to feel restrictive if cooking for more than the vegan guest). At the very least, a couple of filling vegetarian sides are simple to include. We tend to eat quite a few meat free meals anyway.

HOWEVER what always strikes me in these conversations is the respect seems to have to cut one way. As many have observed, older generations didn’t have much time for this and I’m not sure the derogatory comments about that position are any less bad. We are all a product of our own eras. If we want older generations to accept we can feel justified about excluding foods, I think it’s also important to have the flexibility to realise other generations have been influenced by other factors, (especially via their parents) on the impact of rationing and meat being a luxury item. My grandparents would talk about “ a beautiful leg of lamb” and were hurt and baffled when a guest once turned it down .

Respect involves flexibility of attitudes not just in one direction ( aka the direction you agree with). There are too many comments on here labelling people as passive aggressive etc, or thick because they have eaten gelatine without concern as to its precise origin. Knowing facts doesn’t make you intelligent: it’s an ability to extrapolate logic, connect conceptual patterns and to reason that betokens intelligence. And it’s refraining from ridiculing other people for their attitudes and beliefs that are more often than not a product of their era and background that is the marker of respect.

https://the1940sexperiment.com/2016/03/13/the-original-lord-woolton-pie-recipe-no-151/

Hear, hear! And during the last war, people were semi-vegetarian anyway, as meat was hard to get; and severely rationed. "Dig for victory" anyone?.

If you are looking for a solution [and perhaps you are just looking to express your frustration at their lack of good manners…which is perfectly understandable] you have 2 options: you decline all invitations which involve food or you take your own food. The latter option allows you to eat with the family and doesnt involve any real additional prep by your in laws. If they are ‘sensitive’ people, they should be delighted that you have taken the initiative and now everyone can feel much more comfortable at meal times. If they are less than delighted, you are doing the right thing by standing up to their very rude and unpleasant behaviour. Good luck.

How obnoxious of them!

My in laws were the same, they made pizza once and decided to put meat on half of it. Then when it was served I could smell the meat and the half with just cheese has already been eaten.

I’ve also had MIL wave a steak at me and show me her teeth and she said that we’ve got teeth to eat meat with.

It came to the point I’d take my own food and even that offended them.

Thankfully they now don’t speak to me (as I’m the problem 🙄). So much better.

When you next arrange to go and see them tell them you don't eat meat and are they ok to cater for you or should you bring your own food.

Op, you need to stand up for yourself and so does your DH! I’ve been vegetarian for over 30 years. My in laws struggled at first being a very traditional meat and two veg family but they got it! I had Sunday dinner at their house often and mil always accommodated me fine and it took very little effort! Yorkies don’t need to be made with animal fat, they never did so no change. They did stop cooking potatoes with the meat - one small change and they bought me a tub of vegetarian gravy granules and used to make me my own little jug of gravy. Everything else was just plain veg.

The only issue I would have occasionally is fil using the same utensils to flip burgers or similar but I know how hard they both tried so didn’t say anything, DH ALWAYS did though.

I’m so pleased I don’t know some of the ignorant people on this thread who don’t feel anyone should accommodate for food preferences of their guests!

OP, either stop eating there or take your own meal. They are incredibly rude and are doing it deliberately.

I’m a vegetarian and if this happened to me the next time I’d just take my own dinner.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣