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AIBU?

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Original poster

In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

816 replies

spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:06

Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

OP posts:
mitogoshi · 01/04/2024 08:29

Are they freezer food people? Dd has had this issue as her dps parents don't cook anything from scratch and pick up "deluxe" freezer food for special occasions which inevitably seem to contain errant meat products eg the deluxe frozen roasties and basted in goose fat. I saw peas with pancetta and mint in the supermarket last week in the "special Easter food" section and so on.

My dc have been veggie for a while but just occasionally I mess up buying ready made (usually a dessert with gelatine), though I do generally cook from scratch if they are visiting

Original poster
spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:29

No dietary needs. Just convenience

OP posts:
rookiemere · 01/04/2024 08:29

Well they aren't going to change and you have been pretty dismissive of others suggestions, so nothing is likely to change.

YireosDodeAver · 01/04/2024 08:29

Ffs
If they are "sensitive" that is not your problem. You are choosing to be a doormat.

If you are a vegetarian and choose to visit someone who you know full-well won't cater for your needs then either eat beforehand or take a packed meal from home. It's not hard to say "I'm vegetarian - I can't eat this but don't worry I will feel myself". If they know you are vegetarian and serve you meat they are horrible people and as an adult you do not have to put up with this. An adult controlling any other person like this is abusive but you have the power to not put yourself in that situation. If your DH isn't on your side and standing up for you then he is an abusive arsehole too.

Kalevala · 01/04/2024 08:28

spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:24

Nothing like that. They're just normally bought prepared and happen to have goose fat

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Prepared vegetarian ones would likely be in an oil that would affect me. I guess if cooking for a vegetarian I would use coconut oil but there would not be a prepared option we could both eat. Appreciate this may not be their situation but conflicting dietary needs can be an issue.

Mrsjayy · 01/04/2024 08:28

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Being vegetarian is a lifestyle choice and sometimes religious and cultural it isn't fussy eating. There is things I don't like the taste of should I just eat it because of some weird "politeness rule"?

EyeOfTheCat · 01/04/2024 08:28

I can relate to this - I have a wheat intolerance, it’s pretty bad, I’ve been like this for over 20 years, 10 years with DH.

EVERY time I visit my in-laws PIL rattles the biscuit tin under my nose, I say no, I don’t bother reminding him (DH reminds him) and he says “What are you, vegetarian?” “No, I can’t eat wheat” “of course, of course, silly me”

Do FO.

CloudsUnderwater · 01/04/2024 08:28

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Original poster
spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:27

I think leaving during a meal is over the top.

I will mention to my husband again today.

He's pretty much oblivious to everything (a separate issue)

OP posts:
LiterallyOnFire · 01/04/2024 08:27

spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:26

If this were us, DH would tell parents we’re leaving and take me to a restaurant for my favourite food.

Ridiculous. Plus we had two children asleep upstairs.

No, not ridiculous.

CloudsUnderwater · 01/04/2024 08:26

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Original poster
spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:26

If this were us, DH would tell parents we’re leaving and take me to a restaurant for my favourite food.

Ridiculous. Plus we had two children asleep upstairs.

OP posts:
BranchGold · 01/04/2024 08:26

I think ultimately they’d prefer to eat what they like/enjoy, over being hospitable to you.

So it’s up to you what you do with that.

Newgirls · 01/04/2024 08:26

You or your husband need to ring them before you arrive and say ‘you do remember x is vegetarian? Oh is that an issue? Ok we will pop over after lunch’

SingaporeSlinky · 01/04/2024 08:25

Why doesn’t your husband ask ‘mum/dad, you know she’s a vegetarian, don’t you, why have you served her meat again?’

After 7 years I don’t understand how this conversation doesn’t come up every single time. What do you say when they serve you meat? Do you remind them you’re vegetarian or do you just leave the meat on your plate?

If they’ve been reminded lots of times, then when you go there, either remind them again the day before, or while they’re cooking (or both), get DH to ask what they’ll be serving you.

Original poster
spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:25

C1N1C · 01/04/2024 08:24

If you eat there regularly, they shouldn't have to change their diet for you, so maybe suggest cooking your own, or cooking for everyone.

If it's a one-off invitation, they're dicks.

Define regular? Maybe every 8 weeks.

I just want veg to be veg, not containing meat. Not hard

OP posts:
toomanyy · 01/04/2024 08:25

spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:18

I wish. But I can't do that!

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Why?

These people have zero respect for you. They don’t care about you.

And neither does your husband because he sits there tucking into his food whilst you barely have anything to eat. Do you think that a loving husband behaves like this?

If this were us, DH would tell parents we’re leaving and take me to a restaurant for my favourite food.

Why isn’t your DH doing this?

Original poster
spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:24

Kalevala · 01/04/2024 08:23

Got another lunch today, let's hope the roast potatoes aren't in goose fat like normal

This can be a difficult one. Processed vegetable oils cause painful gas and bloating for me so I do use goose fat for potatoes. I think it's too hot for olive oil?

Nothing like that. They're just normally bought prepared and happen to have goose fat

OP posts:
LiterallyOnFire · 01/04/2024 08:24

No he's great, but I don't want to cause arguments. I save that for issues around our children!

You're not the one causing the argument. Your ILs are the provocateurs. Swerving the issue is entirely reasonable.

C1N1C · 01/04/2024 08:24

If you eat there regularly, they shouldn't have to change their diet for you, so maybe suggest cooking your own, or cooking for everyone.

If it's a one-off invitation, they're dicks.

Original poster
spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:24

Hiker50 · 01/04/2024 08:23

I spent 47 hours giving birth to their first grandchild and my in-laws turned up with a meat feast pizza. I’ve been vegetarian since I was 15!

Fucking fuming

OP posts:
sorrynotathome · 01/04/2024 08:23

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They are relatives, for goodness sake! I know what my children and their spouses dislike, and I don’t give it to them! Equally they know I’m a vegetarian and they don’t give me meat. It’s basic courtesy.

Kalevala · 01/04/2024 08:23

Got another lunch today, let's hope the roast potatoes aren't in goose fat like normal

This can be a difficult one. Processed vegetable oils cause painful gas and bloating for me so I do use goose fat for potatoes. I think it's too hot for olive oil?

Hiker50 · 01/04/2024 08:23

I spent 47 hours giving birth to their first grandchild and my in-laws turned up with a meat feast pizza. I’ve been vegetarian since I was 15!

CloudsUnderwater · 01/04/2024 08:23

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.