In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

Olive oil is one of the most thermally stable liquid oils. Even though the smoke point for EVOO is lower than other oils, it’s doesn’t degrade until harmful compounds until a higher temperature than most other vegetable oils. I wouldn’t use EVOO for roast potatoes because of expense and the strong flavour which I wouldn’t want with a roast meal, but light olive oil works well.

Yes - same. I have said upthread I am
wheat intolerant. If I’m concerned I’ll take some bread or something so I can have something to eat. Over the last 20 odd years there have been numerous times I’ve let people know and I’ve had nothing to eat once I’ve arrived. “You can eat the ham, just not the bread” sort of thing. It’s so rude!

I wouldn’t go somewhere twice that expected me to just go hungry and watch everyone else, or worse, expected me to make myself ill!

Do they know you're a vegetarian? Have you told them clearly? If so, they are just being complete dicks. Give them one more chance. The day before, message them to saying "remember , I'm a vegetarian."Say clearly in the hearing of other people when you arrive at their house. "Remember I'm vegetarian" then, if that doesn't work, take a packed lunch the next time, and eat it at the table.

I thought it was too hot, I use it on roast vegetables but if it gets too hot it smokes and sets off the smoke alarms. Potatoes I get the fat very hot first.

They aren't bothered about upsetting you why are you worried about them being sensitive.

Give them one more meal where you actually say at the time that you are vegetarian and cannot eat what they have given you so from next w on you'll bring your own food. Then, bring your own food.

People who are decided to be nasty to you aren't sensitive they are just angry you called out their bad behaviour.

How has this gone on for so long?

You're vegetarian. It's a dietary requirement and not one that is difficult to cater for.It's not like you're a fussy eater with a long list of pantry staples and basic fruit/vegetables that you don't like.

You need to remind them clearly you're a vegetarian and your DH needs to back you.

Glad they realised.

OP, if your DH doesn’t care enough to speak up for you then you speak up.

Of course they should. Our family includes one vegan, one vegetarian and someone who’s gluten intolerant. I’d be an absolute arsehole if I didn’t accommodate them.

There’s absolutely no need to add pancetta to peas or use animal fat to make roast potatoes.

Why are you worried about causing a scene when they are being incredibly Pig ignorant and your DH is completely (and ridiculously) oblivious to it?

They're not sensitive. They are controlling and I think they are well aware of what they're doing.

Your DH isn't going to stand up for you, so you'll have to.

This

Haver you ever tried hemp oil or avocado oil? Both have a high smoke point (unlike olive oil) so perfect for roasting but (especially cold pressed), kinder on tummies.

Yes exactly. If someone can’t cater for a veggie the answer isn’t to just serve them meat it’s to give you advanced warning. I have an elderly relative who claims they can’t cook for me as they “don’t understand what I can eat”. If there is a family meal that id like to come to involving their cooking I bring my own to heat up alongside the meal that everyone else is eating. They are a pretty terrible cook anyway so I’m kind of glad for the excuse.

Why don't you host then? And cook what you want.

@toomanyy
i dont recall what DH said but I think I mentioned I could have had eggs.
but at the next visit they went to lot of trouble to make a vegetarian lasagne

When they are plating up can you just say .. sorry not that it has meat in I'm vegetarian.

And keep saying it? Obviously then there'll be little on your plate but that may make the point.
Or if it's served then just scrape onto DH plate saying sorry I can't eat that due to meat.
I wonder if they are just buying ready prepared meals. That pea and pancetta sounds like a tesco finest side dish in their meal deal! If so maybe they are not reading the labels properly?

What did your DH say to them?

I’d just start bringing my own food.

Your in laws are spectacularly rude, as hosts they are putting you in a very awkward position and knowingly, deliberate ignoring I think.

Can you take your own food, bring it out with a breezy 'didn't want to put you to any trouble knowing you find it hard to create dishes without meat in, so I've brought a veggy option.

They sound ghastly and impossible, but ultimately if all the possible push backs that get suggested are rejected cos you don't want to rock the boat (I'm sure with good reason) then you're stuck with it.

Eating dead animals is as much a lifestyle choice as not eating dead animals.

Op next time could you take your own food and then very sweetly and innocently say that you want to keep it easy for them and not compromise everyone else's food and minimise food waste as you find you can't eat most of what they serve?

i think you should simply take your own food,
tell them you are bringing a ready made vegetarian meal to make it easier for them

It's far too hot for olive oil.

I have been in this situation.

When you are invited for a meal, turn up with flowers, wine and a salad for the table, possibly pudding as well.

They can't accuse you of being rude as it is polite to bring wine and flowers. You can then eat the salad. And the pudding.

If it is more than a meal keep a stash of food in the car or in your room.

Been there done that got the t shirt.

Ime people like this respond very badly to being challenged.

Yeah this. Say oh! But I'm vegetarian so why would you put meat on my plate?

I always roast in olive oil and never had any problems