In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

They are not carnivores., they are omnivores as humans are designed to be.

They are unreasonable.

How about offering to help in the kitchen? Say ' we'll do the veg shall we?" And do it your way.

Why doesn't your husband speak to his parents and support you?

Extra virgin olive oil! Sorry I was too lazy to type it out the first time!

If you’re willing to accept the behaviour from them, then they’ll keep treating you like this. Of course family should give you food in line with your dietary requirements and preferences, but they aren’t doing that for whatever reasons. Because of them the situation is already uncomfortable. It’s your choice if you want to continue the discomfort by meekly eating around the inappropriate food they keep serving you, or if the discomfort will come from you or your husband directly addressing the situation. They can only control you with their moods if you let them. They’re unreasonable to serve meat to a vegetarian, but you’d be unreasonable to know the situation and expect it to resolve itself without you or your husband having to deal with the situation directly.

Sorry op I think you and dp are being massively wet here.
I'd suggest: the day before, calling or even better texting them 'have you remembered this time that op is veggie so therefore won't be eating meat products - including side dishes - can you accommodate this or do we need to bring something'
They will say yes or no they can't accommodate it. If they say yes then serve you meat you can politely remind them of the conversation yesterday and ask what's changed in the last 24h.
Do this every single time till they get the hint.
Stop being so passive.

Your husband is unsupportive.

His parents are insulting his wife at every meal they serve.

This over sensitive business is nonsense. What it means is they will have a tantrum if anyone dares to address their poor behaviour.

He should be rightfully indignant when he sees meat on your plate and should address his parents about the issue. If he won't then you do not go or you bring your own food such as a sandwich so as not to cause extra cooking for them.

I do not believe they are ignorant of what a vegetarian is, they are deliberately doing it and relying on their son being an utter coward and saying nothing and you being afraid to tackle them and your husband.

Horrible family. I'm sorry you married into them.

Simple solution to this is for your DH to remind them you are vegetarian at the time he arranges the visit and another reminder nearer the time and explain the awkwardness for you when they forget. Bring a ready meal as a back up and keep doing this every time until it sinks in with them.

It doesn't sound like they doing it to spite you, just poor communication and lack of thought. DH needs to advocate for you.

Have they forgotten you’re a vegetarian?

Next time you go, I’d actually say “Apologies I can’t eat these peas as they have meat in them”. See what their reaction is.

Yeah I rolled my eyes at that reply.

Stop being such a mug! Just refuse to eat there anymore. They’ll soon get the message.

I'm a bit shocked by some of the replies on this thread. I'm a lifelong meat eater but if I invite someone to my house for a meal, the. I'll make sure I cook food that they can eat. My daughter was a vegetarian and vegan at different times in her teens and early 20s and it was a real pain at times making sure that I didn't inadvertently give her food containing things that she couldn't eat, but I got used to cooking different food for her and adapted. When she met her husband, who is a Muslim, and later converted, it meant another change to accommodate their dietary requirements, but it's been perfectly easy to cater for them once I had bothered to find out what they could and couldn't eat.

I don't see being a vegetarian as being fussy at all and it's just basic respect not to give a guest in your house something that you know they can't eat. But I also don't think it's practical at all for the OP to refuse to go to her in laws as some people are suggesting. I think I would try to find an opportunity to have a chat with her mother in law about vegetarianism and why it's an isssue to eat things like potatoes cooked in goose fat. I do think her husband should maybe remind his mum that she's a vegetarian before each visit.

Oh ffs. 'As you know, I dont eat meat, so I've brought sandwiches'.

It could be worse.

DHs longstanding (vegetarian!) friend of 30ish years told me that MIL once cooked her a pepperoni pizza as she genuinely thought pepperoni was vegetarian. She politely declined!

I’d just take your own meal @spotlightq . Set a precedent, just explaining truthfully that you find it awkward when you can’t eat the food with meat in it, and so it’s easier for everyone if you just bring something

What exactly do you want from this post?

Various posters have explained what they would do, from leaving, to having your husband explain beforehand, to having your husband (or you!) speak up for yourself at the time.

You don't want to do any of these things, just complain how 'ridiculous' everyone's suggestions are.

Either put up and shut up. Or do something about it 🤷‍♀️

@toastofthetown not sure if I'm being really dim but what is EVOO? 🙃

I do know what it's like. People ignore my intolerances all the time, if there's a vegetarian then they will use vegetable oil for them and not tell me.

Olive oil is very thermally stable, to fine for making roast potatoes. If it weren’t serving for a vegan, ghee or clarified butter would be my top choice of fat for roast potatoes and the fat I use. Also, I’ve never had pre prepared roast potatoes that even hold a candle to homemade.

You can cook roasts in virtually any oil. Ridiculous to suggest this is a huge hurdle.

British cold pressed rapeseed oil is by far the best oil for roast potatoes, much better than any animal fat, IMO.

I've had street food burgers cooked in avocado oil and been fine. I don't keep it in though as goose fat works for me. I could buy it if there was a vegetarian coming I guess, I already have coconut oil in the cupboard though.

So when they serve you peas with pancetta or roast potatoes cooked in goose fat, what do you say to them?

I still don't understand why you frequently visit them when they don't provide food you can eat.
If it had been pointed out to them and they still did it I simply wouldn't go. They're being absolutely bizarre.

If you’re determined not to rock the boat yourself, get your DH to ask them well before lunchtime, what they’ll be serving you, specifically. He has to remind them you’re veggie, and ask if any of the side dishes have meat in them. If they then serve you any meat, they can’t claim to have forgotten or not considered the peas have pancetta as well, and it’s just absolutely rudeness on their part.

But you also need to stand up for yourself and if they can’t guarantee no meat after you’ve reminded them, go out this morning and buy a ready meal and microwave it.

I want to know how this has gone on for 7 years? Do they even know you are vegetarian, only you sound quite passive so I wondered if maybe you had mentioned it just once or twice then given up? It's a bit hard to bring up now if that's the case, but I think you are going to have too. I like the idea of bringing your own food but I think you will also need to prep your DH to back you as they will very likely comment and it sounds as though you will be easily bullied into "not being silly" or whatever they say to defend themselves.