In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

We are big meat eaters but have no problem hosting DSs veggie GF. It is not a problem!! Roasties can easily be done in olive oil , and we just cook a veggie quiche or pie. No meat in veggies . Easy!!

Your DH needs to have a word with them!

Perhaps they're trying to tell you something !.

• I will mention to my husband again today. He's pretty much oblivious to everything (a separate issue)*

There in lies your problem, he's happy to let his parents disrespect you, my DP always lets people know in advance I'm a vegetarian, avoids any mishaps at the table.

Why wouldn’t you accommodate it, though? Same as if somebody hated olives, presumably you wouldn’t serve them olives.

I’m not vegetarian, but there IS a moral reason for being vegetarian or vegan. We all know how poorly animals are treated in order to provide us with food, I think.

of course you can. You can say to your DH: as long as they do this, i will not darken their doorstep.
And make sure he makes them understand that your actions keep you away.

Why do you think you can't?

Honestly they can just buy a veggie lasagne or something when they pick up the ready made peas/pancetta thing. If they don’t like the extra expense then you can offer to provide it. They are being deliberately obtuse by the sounds of things and dh needs a (metaphorical) kick up the jacksy.

They don’t care about your feelings so you need to stop caring about theirs.

This is about control. By repeatedly serving up food they know you can’t eat, I wonder if they’re trying to get you to react, then act innocent. This is about more than the food.

I’ve made the best roast potatoes in olive oil since I read the recipe in Heston’s cookbook and that makes them vegan as well I imagine 😁

The in laws obviously like the dc and maybe your dh but they don’t like you - can he not just take them and you stay at home? I’m sure it’s not personal, maybe no one would have been good enough to join their family. Who are you doing this for?

I don't know why you're still tolerating this! You've told them and they still haven't listened, so you or your DH need to take more control!
Take your own food. Even if it's something to shove in the microwave.
DH 'reminds' them beforehand that you won't be able to eat anything meat related.
You call them out. Again. Say you can't eat anything.
Who cares if they're super sensitive? Stop being a doormat.

Millions of people are now vegetarian. It is not a fad or a lifestyle choice. And really not hard to accommodate.

I am happy to eat just a bowl of pasta or an omelette or a sandwich even. Your inlaws sound horrible. I would take my own food whether they liked it or nor.

If you’re not prepared to accommodate for vegetarianism, don’t invite a vegetarian for lunch. The only reason someone would invite a vegetarian for a meal they know they can’t eat is to be a massive twat.

It sounds like they are using shop bought prepared meals anyway so it’s not like a load of cooking effort has gone into it. So on that basis I would look to bring my own shop bought vegetarian meal to stick on the microwave.

unfortunately i do think you’re going to have to explain your husband what you’re doing and why so he can explain to his parents. It really shouldn’t be a big deal.

what I don’t understand is why sensitive people are serving food to you that you can’t eat? I’d be mortified to serve food to someone that they can’t eat or don’t like. So are they actually sensitive or more a don’t give a fuck my way or the highway types? (In which case don’t think twice about eating your food).

It's the other way around surely: meat eating is the 'lifestyle' choice. All the science points to plant-based diets being healthier and I think something like 80% of the world are predominantly plant based, therefore that is more 'the norm'.

Obviously, I meant in general not this specific situation. Normal people have a meat option and a veggie option that are separate, if they are hosting for people who refuse to eat veggie based foods and people who refuse to eat meat based foods.

Just take a really nice take out and warm it up. Don't worry about upsetting them, they don't care about you.

I'm veggie, I always feel bad that people have to accommodate me. Very happy to feed myself if need be. you do have a husband problem though.

I eat pretty much anything that doesn't move fast enough, but I can't believe something as mainstream as vegetarianism is still being sneered at in this day and age. I also count myself pretty much the world's worst host, but if you invite someone round to dinner it's only decent to provide suitable food for them. If they spring a new dietary requirement on you at the last minute that's a different matter (but would still accommodate it if possible).

Meat in peas though, that's really weird stuff. I like meat, and I like peas, and I'm probably having them on the same plate, but mixing up little chewy bacon bits with the peas would be... just no. DS2 once brought home some chocolate muffins his friend had made, and didn't warn me she'd added BACON until I discovered it the hard way! Apparently this really is a thing

It's not hard to cater for a vegetarian. Roast dinner, I'd have done the meat as usual. Then roasted the spuds in oil, and used regular veg, although no sides I served yesterday anyway wouldn't have been suitable for a vegetarian, vegan would have taken a bit more thought . Gravy ours would be made from the roast, sorry yours straight from a pack. Your main would be what ever vegi nut roast/ something oven based you preferred. It wouldn't have cost more. You visit regularly so I would have a pack in the freezer and I could have used a smaller roast. I have also catered to a vegan friend who visited a while ago.

Being vegetarian isn't being fussy, but having food preferences (as long as you will give it a go) IMO isn't fussy either.

BTW I am a cattle farmer and live on a farm.

"They really do control us with their moods.

Got another lunch today, let's hope the roast potatoes aren't in goose fat like normal"

Yep, this is about control. They're forcing you into either eating something you don't eat and find repulsive, or having to leave it. It isn't a mistake. A normal person would think "DIL couldn't eat the peas last time because they had pancetta in them, so I won't serve those again", but instead they've been serving you this stuff for years. It's deliberate.

Don't feel that you're rude for leaving it. If you get disapproving looks or comments, just say they know you don't eat meat but after all these years they still serve it to you.

Your reluctance to make this "an issue" means they'll keep doing it. And your husband should support you.

Personally if I have vegetarian guests I cook a vegetarian meal. But if it were a special occasion where most of the people there would expect meat, I would want to rise to the occasion and provide a really nice vegetarian alternative. I realise I have the luxury of enjoying cooking and have the resources to prepare an alternative.

But I just don’t understand anyone who takes satisfaction in being a bad host. It’s rude and unpleasant.

“They really do control us with their moods”

Only because you let them. Stop giving them this power”.

“I can’t refuse to go”.

Of course you can. It may be not be easy, but it doesn’t seem like going is easy either. Pick your difficult.

it sounds like they like to create drama. That’s their choice. But you get to choose how to react. You don’t have to go along with it, you can choose to ignore it.

I find the plating up a bit odd, for an occasion, mine would be in serving bowls so people help themselves. Can you be around at serving up time when they are dishing food out, bag a plate and remind at this time that you are veggie? Even as a meat eater, can’t stand having a plate of food put in front of me with the expectation I should eat it all to avoid embarrassment to the host, unless it’s a restaurant.

As a veggie I’d just turn up with my own food and ignore them being hurt about it.
If they couldn’t be bothered to make sure I had something I could eat when inviting us for a meal, then I really wouldn’t be overly fussed about their feelings tbh.
My own PIL were inconsiderate in so many ways (smoking all over someone with lung issues for example) but even they never tried to force me to eat meat.

They could start now then

Does your husband not say anything?

Well that’s a personal preference. Given that OP only goes to see the in-laws every couple of months, it’s hardly a massive sacrifice to cook them in oil a couple of times a year.

For most decent people, the choice between actively upsetting and making life difficult for the mother of their grandchildren or having roast potatoes they enjoy slightly less every two months would be pretty simple.

Text them now "hiya - I'm looking forward to seeing you later - there were a couple of dishes I couldn't eat last time as they had meat in (peas with pancetta / goose fat potatoes) so can I check what's on the menu today please? I might bring some veggie sides with me"