In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

I’d say their behaviour over 9 years is conveying a fairly clear message really.

Tsk, @CloudsUnderwater, have you also no manners? If you invite guests you should accommodate their needs. That's the general understanding and the only acceptable behaviour. Don't ask me round for tea, I'm not coming.

Honestly I'd bring along a nice marks ready meal and whip it into the microwave along with a breezy ' I know ye seem to find veggie food a bit tricky so just brought my own'

Exactly. You're letting these people control you. Moan if you want but don't pretend you don't have several options to change the situation.

Carry on telling yourself they aren't doing it on purpose if it makes you feel better but after 9 years? Yeah. They are.

If it was me I'd tell my husband to phone them and say there won't be meat in hers will there? You know she's veggie

And I'd take a backup sandwich without telling them then when (because it's when not if) they served up the meal and it had meat in it I'd take out my sandwich and say it's no problem at all, I know you tend to forget I'm veggie and I didn't want to put you to any trouble so I'll just have this.

Because being vegetarian isn't "being fussy" it's making a choice based on ethical beliefs, not "ooh I don't like the texture of all cooked flesh"

You've been together for 9 years and married for 7 they KNOW by now you're vegetarian (you have actually told them, haven't you?!)
I'm not vegetarian but they are so fucking rude.
I mean to put meat in the vegetables and goose fat on the potatoes so you can't even have them?;
Remind them before you go, or your DH can.
Id be taking some of my own food from now on, in case I needed it if they pulled that again
"Oh, you forgot again no worries Mary, I brought some just in case" then go out to the car and get your Tupperware boxes out and start faffing around warming it all up in the microwave hopefully getting in the way as they're trying to dish up
I seriously would. Screw that

Im going to try to 'control my family' with my moods. Don't anticipate any reply other than 'they laughed in my face and told me to grow up'.

Could you be gently assertive without upsetting their over sensitised feelings?

so next time they invite you, say something along the lines of “shall I pick up something veggie from M&S for me? I always feel so bad having to leave the food you offer (it looks delicious and DH and kids always say how nice it was)”.

you shouldn’t have to pander to the cow and you shouldn’t have to provide your own meal but it may just nudge them in the right direction.

I would be mortified if somebody felt the need to bring food to my table. But then I wouldn’t put them in that position.

You say they're sensitive. They're not. If they were they'd be sensitive to your needs. They are selfish and rude.

Yup!

Not at all - I use extra virgin olive oil for potatoes and they are lovely.

We're having a roast today which I think is traditional for Easter but I'd do a vegetarian meal for everyone if one of the guests was vegetarian.

You say they're sensitive. They're not. If they were they'd be sensitive to your needs. They are selfish and rude.

Bring along a veggie microwave meal and don't let them make you feel bad. Just say it has no meat in it and you don't want to have them to worry about changing their meal for you. Turn it around so they can't take offence as you are being considerate.

😉

They are rude hosts. My in-laws are like this and have zero imagination about how a meal might not contain meat.

Next time either offer to bring food, or nip into the kitchen when they're cooking to "help" and make a separate tray of roasties in oil or steam some garden peas etc. Keep it cheerful like "don't forget Spotlight is veggie, but we'll help sort it!" but make sure you do it every single time. I think your DH needs to do all this since they're his parents.

Why should they accommodate her?
Why wouldn't you accommodate someone you cared about? You loved? Absolutely mind boggling you would hold someone you cared about in such contempt. If that's how you treat your loved ones I'd be curious to see how you treated people you dislike.

Vegetarians are no more morally superior than any other fussy eater.
Who is saying they are? OP isn't slagging off meat eaters or acting like she is better than them, in fact the only person making a scene to that effect is you. Which says a lot....

I cook roast potatoes in olive oil all the time. Absolutely fine!

Imagine being this self involved and arrogant that you believe that if someone else has different requirements to you then you’re fussy.

As a vegetarian when meat eaters visit I cook them meat because I’m not a massive twat.
The fact you think you shouldn’t have to says a lot about you. People don’t eat meat for a whole variety of reasons from medical, to ethical, to religious. But don’t let any of that interfere with your demand that we should all be like you lest we cause you any tiny little inconvenience.

Some people really are the worst.

I just make a full veggie or vegan meal if a guest is either of those. It’s not difficult.

You just explain to your DH that you’re done. He can take the kids to see GPs on his own. No obligation to them to cater for you if they don’t want to; but if they want you to show up they understand what vegetarian means.

He can deal with the fallout it’s not actually your problem.

They're being idiots . Just don't go and if that means your dh has to go alone with the dc you can enjoy a weekend of peace.

Either that or kick up a fuss.

They won't change otherwise.

It's tricky being veggie because a lot of people are stupid about it as evidenced by a few of the posts on here.

They're disrespecting you.

Even more reason not to go!

In fact I dispute whether roasties are better in goose fat - tried it once, can’t tell the difference personally - but what was different was the huge amount of effort cleaning the oven!!

Making a roast with vegetarian guests is a pain, PIL want the roast which is fine, but they also want the pigs in blankets veggie versions, then a separate main component, even though I do loads of veg options (eg tofurkey) we either all have to have veggie stuffing which isn't great or I have to make two, everything has to be on separate trays to avoid contamination and I just don't have the oven space. Potatoes roasted in olive oil are fine so I don't mind that. To be honest I just don't cook a roast when they're here, I do one meal that everyone can eat. They eat fish (morally that's fine apparently 🤷‍♀️) so I tend to do something veggie or pescatarian. The only time it really annoyed me was when they announced they were vegan just before Christmas I did two versions of almost everything, made a vegan pudding etc, oat cream , no honey on the roasted parsnips etc etc and then came into the living room to find they'd eaten most of my handmade definitely not vegan chocolates my lovely boss had given me!