In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

@Hotdogity

why is a separate dish needed?

Why can’t everyone just eat veggie for the meal ?

"But they aren't cooking from scratch, they are buying pre-prepped food from M&S and making that for everyone (including OP)."

But that makes it easier for them. All they have to do is buy a couple more little foil trays.....

This is truly awful and they seriously disrespect you. I suspect your husband is keeping well out of the way because he chose you and they didn't approve or something. So any move that contradicts them would just cause more ructions. He's choosing a quiet life, and I get why, but he's not yet putting you first. I hope at some point he will do, but at this point I would be voting with my feet. You don't have to go visit them.

Related to this

Again, we have a sensitive person who is happy to ignore someone else's choices but oh no, they can't possibly handle being told. Yet expect you to be quiet and compliant. Fuck that.

@CloudsUnderwater

omg being veggie is not the same as being fussy!

and being veggie IS morally superior!

Would you say the same if someone doesn’t eat something for religious reasons?

Depends on their behaviour.

If you were incredibly over-sensitive, and took it personally when they served you meat, and caused problems, they probably wouldn’t have done it a second time… you smoothing things over is not helping you here. Cause a scene and flounce out, or bring your own food, or do something, anything to show them how unacceptable it is.

Why hasn’t your DH said anything? I’d go mad at DM if she deliberately served DH something she knew he couldn’t eat. It is so rude and inhospitable.

And the posters saying MIL doesn’t have to accommodate dietary preferences - no she doesn’t, but most hosts want to make their guests feel welcome, and cook food with the intention that they will enjoy eating it. Not go out of your way to cook something you know they can’t eat, and then shout “In your face, DIL!”

But they aren't cooking from scratch, they are buying pre-prepped food from M&S and making that for everyone (including OP).

To be honest OP, I think you are being unreasonable in the fact that you KNOW they do this, you KNOW they aren't choosing to prepare the food that way to spite you, they are just buying it for convenience and from the choice available at M&S, so why not just bring your own meal to whack in the oven at the same time, I'm sure M&S must have a choice of veggie dishes that you can eat? They obviously don't want to buy a separate dish for you on top of everything else, so just bring your own or use your words!!

It is a difficult one, and they are in the wrong technically, but they are hosting your family quite frequently, so I would feel uncomfortable asking them to buy something extra specifically for me, or cook from scratch just because I need them to.

Your MIL can't be very bright if she thinks pork is vegetarian and not meat! That is ludicrous.

We get this with IL who think it's a passing ridiculous fad that DD is vegetarian (and has been for nearly 15 years!)
Every bloody time we ended up discussing it with them and every time they passive aggressively "forgot" and tried to serve her meatand go on and on about it as if its a personal affront. I usually cater for dairy free, gluten free and veggie if hosting at xmas and just don't tell them as it starts WW3 at the table.
So now DD doesn't come along if we (rarely) meet up with them and they are no longer invited to eat with us at Xmas.

I'd be reiterating how long you've been together/been vegetarian and suggest if they can't remember that then a visit to the GP for a memory test is due!

This should absolutely not be necessary. These people are being deliberately nasty.

Op, you say you have more things to argue over such as your children. I’m at a loss as to how them treating you in such a derogatory way sends a good message to your children. Will they, in turn, disrespect you? And will that be accepted?

I don’t know, really. I think that after so many years I would be used to bring my own food or would have stopped accepting invitations long time ago.

yes but if they are continually unpleasant then all bets are off....and no, visiting in laws is not a duty.

You can, you know.

They are incredibly sensitive?

No they are not.

They are incredibly rude. If they were incredibly sensitive they would understand that vegetarians do not eat meat and its offensive and they would be sensitive to it.

I'm sorry but YABU here. You need to stop being a doormat and YES upset them if need be to make the point how upsetting this is.

More to the point though, where the fuck is your other half in this?

You or your husband should text them the day before with a reminder, and perhaps an offer to. bring your own food.

thread winner!

Got another lunch today, let's hope the roast potatoes aren't in goose fat like normal

Sounds exactly like mother. She can't see the problem with roast spuds being done in animal fat or using the same utensils for meat and veggie stuff. She just get that as well as not eating meat that they don't want their food to be contaminated. Biggest joke is she is a coeliac and goes mad when people don't consider her dietary requirements.

I haven’t read the whole thread OP so sorry if you’ve expanded on this - is your husband in your corner generally?

If you still eat some of the food served they will think its ok to carry on as they do.

Dont eat/touch ANY of the food on your plate if it involves meat.

You're an adult. Stand up for your self.

Exactly this.

I hate your PIL and I don’t even know him. What a shithead.

Frankly - why do they insist on plating up a meal with food OP is going to have to leave?