In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

The child did announce it - very, very loudly on all occasions referenced .

There was no barbecue smoke or bacon or leather sandals. The omnivore guests did eat the child though. ( joking).

She did remember the next time. She’s a lovely lady and did it once. It also happened at a couple of other parties ( same child though). I’m not sure if they did it again or not, but I’m presuming like this mum it triggered them to remember not to., given they were unlikely to have set out to cause offence - which was really my point.
No one is blaming the child for the fact it had gelatine sweets in their party bag. A number of people, however, thought the child was outspoken, given it was a gift.

@spotlightq I understand that you are vegetarian and they are serving you meat (albeit in the vegetable dishes!). Pre-prepared roast potatoes in goose fat; pre-prepared peas in pancetta from M&S.

From your OP I originally thought they were making it from scratch and choosing to add meat. Now it looks like more like an accident. If I was buying roast potatoes ready to bung in the oven, it wouldn't automatically occur to me that they might not be vegetarian as I always cook them in oil at home. Peas - well they may just have not realised they weren't just peas. Maybe they don't know that "pancetta" is meat? Not everyone does...

This sounds more like the person doing the shopping is not really understanding how hard they need to look to check the food is vegetarian - as opposed to a deliberate act of malice on behalf of the ILs.

I would suggest asking DH to speak to the ILs about what it means to be vegetarian. And then on arrival, going into the kitchen and actually checking the ingredients of the meal before serving. If you or your child had an allergy then you would want to check the ingredients so it's not exactly dissimilar.

I'm any case, vitriolic disrespect of non vegetarians as on this thread isn’t going to help promote the cause.

Let me amend that for you:

"In any case, vitriolic disrespect from non vegetarians as on this thread isn’t going to help promote the cause."

and at several parties she has hauled taken a pack of Haribos or similar out of her party bag and and announced said she needed a substitute. and then she complained about barbecue smoke whilst wearing leather shoes and eating bacon, the hypocrite. and then we defeated her with the facts about carnivore teeth and she went home in a car (the hypocrite) and we all clapped.

In any case, vitriolic disrespect of non vegetarians as on this thread isn’t going to help promote the cause.

”Vitriolic disrespect” 😂😂😂

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at the ridiculousness of this post. Who the hell has suggested that you need to go to university to know what gelatine is? It’s a lower education issue, not a higher education issue.

All of the parents ( including one super intelligent definitely not small-minded or lazy mum who is very senior in a well-known bank) had made an effort to provide a selection of items she could eat at the party tea but the gummy sweets just went under the radar - because however much some people may be aware of the gelatine issue it really isn’t something that non vegetarians dwell on.

She’s “super intelligent”, but doesn’t know something a 12 year old would know? Basic biology? And even if she did cock up and give out non-vegetarian sweets, why didn’t she just apologise and say she’d remember next time? Why are you trying to blame the child?

Yep, they are indeed thick and small-minded.

Honestly no she's not very bright or very educated..she left school aged 12. There are so many things about her son's life that she can't comprehend that my vegetarianism is barely a blip on the radar!

I didn't even go to university, and I know what gelatine is made from because I don't live in a bubble.

My higher education was arts and humanities based and my degree is in law. Yet I somehow managed to find out what gelatine , and cochineal for that matter, are. It's simply one of those general knowledge "eugh" moments.

The "vitriolic disrespect" ,as you see it, is in response to the ludicrous posts by certain posters.

@spotlightq

Years ago I was at boarding school which "could cater for vegetarians". I was a life veggie.

They gave me cod liver oil "vegetarians can eat fish".
Meat stew "we've picked the meat out"
Pie of some sort "there's not much meat"
Cauliflower cheese with bacon "to give it some flavour"

150 years of vegetarians and they still do not understand

I’d have been having a word with the child if it were my dc, put it that way! But I guess perhaps this child has been taught to speak out about it - given there are so many “thick”, “small-minded” carnivores lurking!

"A child in one of my DC’s classes is vegetarian and at several parties she has hauled a pack of Haribos or similar out of her party bag and and announced she needed a substitute"

@Calliopespa that sounds like a very rude DC,or one who has been badly served by her DPs.

Absolutely proper and right that vegetarian food is provided for her to eat, but the party bag is a leaving gift and it's not on everyone to be the vegetarian police. Her DPs can throw out the Haribos and replace them with something else if they wish. Haribos are horrible anyway.

I agree with this that some people just genuinely don’t dwell much on the ins and outs - often because the basic concept is not one that particularly commends itself to them.

I don’t think it’s always out of malice - or, as one name-calling poster put it above “lazy” or “small- minded” or “ thick” or “ petty” ; I just think they don’t really delve in much beyond knowing it’s not ok to be serving up a slab of flesh.

A child in one of my DC’s classes is vegetarian and at several parties she has hauled a pack of Haribos or similar out of her party bag and and announced she needed a substitute. All of the parents ( including one super intelligent definitely not small-minded or lazy mum who is very senior in a well-known bank) had made an effort to provide a selection of items she could eat at the party tea but the gummy sweets just went under the radar - because however much some people may be aware of the gelatine issue it really isn’t something that non vegetarians dwell on.

And as for the higher education jibes at some posters, gelatine really isn’t a topic on many university syllabuses. Never was “gelatine” mentioned in my entire studies, not at interview, not during the course itself in lecture or tutorial , and not during examination either written or viva! That sort of fact is really not how higher education operates.

On the whole, ( which seems unfortunately not to include op’s ILs) I think people do try but just have blind spots. In any case, vitriolic disrespect of non vegetarians as on this thread isn’t going to help promote the cause.

sadly even in this day and age there are people who don’t really understand vegetarianism. They think as long as there is not a steak or a sausage on a plate then it is veggie. Things like using animal fats, suet, bits of bacon in the veg simply do not occur to them. Perhaps time for a longer chat about what being “veggie” means. You could quite genuinely offer to bring your own stuff if it is going to put them out.

Is it an option not to go?
Did you request something you could eat?

When I became a vegetarian at 15 my dgm joined me. Her suggestion..
If my mil had cooked me a Special Vegi option eating it would still have been an endurance test. Egg and chips was my regular meal there. And I had to wash the pan and fry my own egg.
At 15 so in 1986 I ate at a pub one lunchtime with bf's dps... . The chef actually popped his head round the door and commented they had never served a vegetarian before.. I got a salad with a whole block of grated cheese on top!!
I imagine if i had been vegan it would have been a straight salad!

That's just lazy and neglectful as a parent he should know what his daughter can and can't have.

And here it is again. Yet another works function - this time with nothing I can actually eat on the menu. Not even the plate of boiled rice I had at the last one!

I never understand these meal social situations..like if your served something you can't stand what are you meant to do? Is it really offensive to just say thank you and leave it?
Sorry this isn't relating directly to vegetarian and main issue OP posted. But im never sure how your meant to respond as there are always contrasting expectations illiciting such strong reactions. But if you can't eat it, you can't eat it?

As with the OP. Idk as my own mum has known me all my life and still serves brussel sprouts stating i love them...when i have never ever eaten one 😂😂 she also served peanut sauce when my DH is highly allergic to nuts 😂😂 nothing intentional we tell her all the time but it just doesn't click. So not sure its completely them being awkward and just not thinking? I guess you wont know till you chat with them :/

I do sometimes wonder why eating meat at every meal is so important to some. Up until very recently people could only afford meat very rarely! People would mainly be eating vegetarian meals (or really poor cheap cuts of meat).

what is it in someone’s psychology that makes them think their desire for meat trumps someone else’s need to not eat it. It’s utterly bizarre. Is it a status thing? A control thing? A guilt thing?

if anyone put meat dairy or eggs in my food I would be violently sick for days. I would treat it as an intent to harm and speak with the police. Do people honestly not know how dangerous it is? People who haven’t eaten meat for a long time can get very sick from eating it.

@OldPerson

And yet vegetarians consider themselves and demand to be special needs. They can't join in - especially a familly gathering - without rearing their special needs.

The image that has been created of the life like and natural Vegetarian in this thread is Hilarious 😂😂😂Don't forget the all encompassing fear that The Vegetarian is only there because they want to convert everyone to give up meat.

My DH told his family that he was not going to eat Meat or Poultry anymore and all the reasons why THIRTY YEARS AGO. They all accepted it and its never been discussed in decades. I used to think my PILs, were difficult in some ways, but after this thread I'm not so sure. They simply had a stock of suitable for veg food in the freezer, put it on the table with everything else and we all carried on.

All our friends and people we eat with know this, and NONE of them have ever sneaked meat into a meal or insisted that every dish should contain meat.

I wouldn't put sugar in a diabetic's food for example. I've catered for friends who eat anything but also those that can't eat pork or shellfish, or are gluten or lactose intolerant, or are allergic to nuts. Nor has anyone ever insisted that I serve them meat as most people have varied diets.
It's mentioned once and everyone moves on. The OP's MIL is being very unreasonable.

Surely, if you invite someone to eat at your house, it is because you like them - and if you like them, why wouldn't you want to feed them well?

Exactly @SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius
I love hosting and making my guests feel welcome and comfortable.

This is a typical mumsnet thread about a vegetarian with a genuine issue. Doesn't take long to be derailed by stalwart anti vegetarian meat eaters. The OP seems to have gone awol, and a lot of the comments are sounding very similar to victim blaming.

I mean the in laws buy the roast potatoes from M&S they're hardly putting in much effort. How difficult is it to buy something else at the same time with a large green V symbol on it? You don't need an Oxford degree to read the packaging.