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AIBU?

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Original poster

In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

816 replies

spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:06

Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/04/2024 13:25

And no this doesn’t work the other way around - no one has an ethical objection to eating vegetables, or has to have meat.

Teateaandmoretea · 01/04/2024 13:25

alittleprivacy · 01/04/2024 13:22

Fuck no. That tastes horrid and is really bad for you.

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😂😂😂

OTOH In the non mumsnet real world 95% of people cook roast potatoes in vegetable or sunflower oil and are still alive.

EyeOfTheCat · 01/04/2024 13:25

alittleprivacy · 01/04/2024 13:22

Fuck no. That tastes horrid and is really bad for you.

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You can have the goose fat ones then.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/04/2024 13:24

Dewdilly · 01/04/2024 08:08

Your title is misleading. I was ready to come on and say you’re an adult, so eat what you are given and don’t be fussy. But being vegetarian is completely different and your in-laws should accommodate you.

Yes exactly. Food someone doesn’t like - get over it. Serving meat to a vegetarian - an entirely different matter.

Of course they are out of order to serve you meat!

EyeOfTheCat · 01/04/2024 13:24

Saschka · 01/04/2024 13:22

On the off chance somebody does have a werewolf obligate carnivore MIL, in that situation I’d suggest we order in, or eat out. I wouldn’t say “tough shit Mrs Wolf, you will sit there hungry, watching me eat the delicious food I have cooked for myself”.

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Tough shit Mrs Wolf 😂😂😂

HotChocolateNotCocoa · 01/04/2024 13:24

ReadySetGrow · 01/04/2024 12:16

We live in the real world where we have to do things we don’t necessarily like . And when you marry a spouse, there’s a normal expectation or duty if you like that you will visit their family.

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But wouldn’t doing things you don’t necessarily like also extend to catering for a vegetarian in-law? Expectations around family work both ways.

Teateaandmoretea · 01/04/2024 13:23

Tessisme · 01/04/2024 13:14

Just playing Devil's Advocate here, but if a vegetarian invites their PIL round for a meal and the PIL say "We don't like vegetarian food - we only eat proper food with meat", should the vegetarian accommodate their wishes?

I doubt there is anyone on the planet @Manxexile who only ever eats meat and nothing else, unless they're part wolf. It's hardly the same thing, is it?

The answer to this is don’t cook for them, go out to the pub. Which is also an option for the in laws in the OP if they don’t want to cook vegetarian.

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/04/2024 13:22

ChedderGorgeous · 01/04/2024 13:22

Because in laws seem stuck in their ways and resistant to change. This is quite a common family dynamic and its always a balance of doing what is right or what will help the family dynamic as a whole.

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@ChedderGorgeous

nah you’re wrong

op shouldn’t have to surrender her vegetarianism

end of

alittleprivacy · 01/04/2024 13:22

BIossomtoes · 01/04/2024 10:18

It doesn’t mean cooking separate potatoes and Yorkies. You just cook everyone’s in vegetable oil. It really isn’t hard at all.

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Fuck no. That tastes horrid and is really bad for you.

Saschka · 01/04/2024 13:22

Tessisme · 01/04/2024 13:14

Just playing Devil's Advocate here, but if a vegetarian invites their PIL round for a meal and the PIL say "We don't like vegetarian food - we only eat proper food with meat", should the vegetarian accommodate their wishes?

I doubt there is anyone on the planet @Manxexile who only ever eats meat and nothing else, unless they're part wolf. It's hardly the same thing, is it?

On the off chance somebody does have a werewolf obligate carnivore MIL, in that situation I’d suggest we order in, or eat out. I wouldn’t say “tough shit Mrs Wolf, you will sit there hungry, watching me eat the delicious food I have cooked for myself”.

EyeOfTheCat · 01/04/2024 13:22

ChedderGorgeous · 01/04/2024 13:19

I think it depends. If it is for religious reasons or deeply held animal welfare beliefs then of course not. If you are a vegetarian due to health benefits/ personal taste, having a dash of beef broth or something every 8 weeks for family harmony doesn't seem like such a big deal.

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That decision rests with the individual. Nobody else. Nobody should have to eat anything that makes them feel uncomfortable.

ChedderGorgeous · 01/04/2024 13:22

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/04/2024 13:20

@ChedderGorgeous

why should it be op compromising for the sake of “family harmony”

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Because in laws seem stuck in their ways and resistant to change. This is quite a common family dynamic and its always a balance of doing what is right or what will help the family dynamic as a whole.

Teateaandmoretea · 01/04/2024 13:20

Utterly bizarre thread. Veggies are not ‘morally superior’ but they have different morals.

I am actually flabbergasted that there are people who serve up meat for vegetarians. I have never heard of this before. I wouldn’t deliberately invite a vegan round, that said but if it was a DIL I would have to cater somehow. Normal veggie is surely pretty easy? I’d just do a veggie meal for everyone or buy a nut roast instead of the meat part.

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/04/2024 13:20

ChedderGorgeous · 01/04/2024 13:19

I think it depends. If it is for religious reasons or deeply held animal welfare beliefs then of course not. If you are a vegetarian due to health benefits/ personal taste, having a dash of beef broth or something every 8 weeks for family harmony doesn't seem like such a big deal.

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@ChedderGorgeous

why should it be op compromising for the sake of “family harmony”

ChedderGorgeous · 01/04/2024 13:20

Tessisme · 01/04/2024 13:14

Just playing Devil's Advocate here, but if a vegetarian invites their PIL round for a meal and the PIL say "We don't like vegetarian food - we only eat proper food with meat", should the vegetarian accommodate their wishes?

I doubt there is anyone on the planet @Manxexile who only ever eats meat and nothing else, unless they're part wolf. It's hardly the same thing, is it?

The liver king ?

Wibblywobblylikejelly · 01/04/2024 13:19

spotlightq · 01/04/2024 08:18

I wish. But I can't do that!

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Yes you can.

ChedderGorgeous · 01/04/2024 13:19

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/04/2024 13:07

@ChedderGorgeous

i can’t believe that you think op should just eat meat cos her inconsiderate in laws can’t be fucked being half decent people

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I think it depends. If it is for religious reasons or deeply held animal welfare beliefs then of course not. If you are a vegetarian due to health benefits/ personal taste, having a dash of beef broth or something every 8 weeks for family harmony doesn't seem like such a big deal.

SeatonCarew · 01/04/2024 13:18

LiterallyOnFire · 01/04/2024 08:22

SIL refuses to recognise my coeliac disease. I just skip trips to see her. Life's too short for nonsense.

She sounds a fool. Solidarity #TeamCoeliac. 💪

LuckySantangelo35 · 01/04/2024 13:18

EyeOfTheCat · 01/04/2024 13:16

Yes exactly - it’s different to serve something someone has specifically excluded from their diet than it is not
to include every food source in one meal.

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I’d tell em to grow up - “proper food with meat” yeah fuck off

EyeOfTheCat · 01/04/2024 13:16

Tessisme · 01/04/2024 13:14

Just playing Devil's Advocate here, but if a vegetarian invites their PIL round for a meal and the PIL say "We don't like vegetarian food - we only eat proper food with meat", should the vegetarian accommodate their wishes?

I doubt there is anyone on the planet @Manxexile who only ever eats meat and nothing else, unless they're part wolf. It's hardly the same thing, is it?

Yes exactly - it’s different to serve something someone has specifically excluded from their diet than it is not
to include every food source in one meal.

EyeOfTheCat · 01/04/2024 13:15

Kalevala · 01/04/2024 13:13

Not everyone can eat vegetable oil, it gives me painful gas and bloating.

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We’re all missing the point here - not every meal revolves around roast potatoes 😂

Tessisme · 01/04/2024 13:14

Just playing Devil's Advocate here, but if a vegetarian invites their PIL round for a meal and the PIL say "We don't like vegetarian food - we only eat proper food with meat", should the vegetarian accommodate their wishes?

I doubt there is anyone on the planet @Manxexile who only ever eats meat and nothing else, unless they're part wolf. It's hardly the same thing, is it?

Kalevala · 01/04/2024 13:13

BIossomtoes · 01/04/2024 10:18

It doesn’t mean cooking separate potatoes and Yorkies. You just cook everyone’s in vegetable oil. It really isn’t hard at all.

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Not everyone can eat vegetable oil, it gives me painful gas and bloating.

EyeOfTheCat · 01/04/2024 13:12

It astounds me that people think it’s ok to invite someone to their home and refuse to cater to their (perfectly reasonable) preferences. Why would you want to someone to have a shit time and go
hungry whilst watching you indulge? Why would that be ok to treat someone with so little regard.

Your basically inviting someone and saying:-
”Would you like to come and watch us eat on Sunday, we won’t cater for you, but we’ll be stuffed” what’s the joy in that?

I love having people round and sharing a meal with them. My circle includes me - no wheat, a vegan - her choice, my friend who
is lactose intolerant. We might not all be able
to eat everything on offer but we all try our best to accommodate and it’s really not that hard. In fact it’s much easier to be kind than sit being watched by a hungry onlooker.

Goldbar · 01/04/2024 13:11

It's really not that difficult to cater for a vegetarian.

I get what you say about not wanting to wake two sleeping children to leave. Personally I'd be having a delicious takeout delivered if I couldn't eat the food and not worrying too much about any offence caused.