In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

I don't think it's rude to not eat what you've been served, tbh. Just say, sorry, I'm vegetarian so I can't eat that. Say it every single time.

So you have a catering requirement if you eat a roast at someone else’s house? Or indeed any meal that requires cooking oil?

I'm fine with olive oil, avocado, coconut. Not vegetable, sunflower, rapeseed (haven't tried cold pressed though).

Ffs. If they are "sensitive" that is not your problem. You are choosing to be a doormat. If you are a vegetarian and choose to visit someone who you know full-well won't cater for your needs then either eat beforehand or take a packed meal from home. It's not hard to say "I'm vegetarian - I can't eat this but don't worry I will feel myself". If they know you are vegetarian and serve you meat they are horrible people and as an adult you do not have to put up with this.

I agree with @YireosDodeAver

Well they aren't going to change and you have been pretty dismissive of others suggestions, so nothing is likely to change.

and @rookiemere

@spotlightq Stop being so passive. Just take some ready meals that you can heat in the microwave. What kind of role model are you to your children when they can see you sitting like a martyr eating nothing. Put your big girl pants on and make sure you don't go hungry. If you aren't prepared to assert yourself then stop complaining. It is up to you whether you go hungry or not in your inhospitable inlaws' house.

My ex was vegetarian, and there was no way the family were going to give up a Sunday roast forever- which meant cooking separate potatoes, Yorkshire puddings and a main dish. It was a significant amount of effort. I hope you do recognise that for the people who do try to accommodate you.

@Hotdogity it really isn't difficult to make roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings vegetarian. You don't need to use goose fat or lard to get excellent results. I use light olive oil for these and my roasties are crisp and golden and my Yorkshires are a sight to behold. Watching them rise as they cook is magical.

Some people seem to be unable to think outside of the box.

And as for @CloudsUnderwater's ignorant and rude comments - words fail me.

Yes, it's a UPF

All vegetable oils, as in any fat not from an animal? You can’t have olive, rapeseed, almond, avocado oil?

If this were us, DH would tell parents we’re leaving and take me to a restaurant for my favourite food.

Yeah, sure he would 😂😂😂 (posters who make out their Hs are heroic gentlemen, chivalrous, yet awed by and supportive of their strong feisty, fiercely feminist spirit, are hilarious and full of shit and like make out anyone who accepts less is a failure and simply not as good as them)

Hey OP. I feel your pain.
but I continuously tell them I don’t eat x. And you know it.

i rarely eat there now. My DH gets annoyed but my point is clear, no respect for my food choices.. so.. no thanks!

my mil hates prawns, guess what, I never serve her prawns.
it’s a respect thing. They don’t respect you. So stop. Stop allowing them to do this to you.

Your DH should say after the food is served "oh sorry, DW has been vegetarian for the last 7 years of our marriage, so she can't eat this. We're just going to pop out for lunch so she can have something to eat, we'll see you after lunch."

Do you mean vegetable oil is horrid and really bad for you? I use vegetable oil most of the time if I'm frying or roasting stuff. Almost everyone I know does too.

I'm not sure if this is relevant, but sometimes families fall into this routine where you go and visit people for a meal, but the people serving the meal get fed up of the obligation to do it and the people attending only go out of obligation to 'visit their parents', they don't do it because they enjoy each others company and want to see each other, it's just a routine they've fell into because if it wasn't done that way they'd probably never see it each other at all.

Not all families have good relationships with their parents etc and they see this as a happy medium to at least do their duty. My sis used to go to her in laws every Sunday for dinner, from all accounts no one seemed to enjoy it, it was just routine.. she hated it but did it for 15 years.

Maybe OP's situation is a little like this, which would explain why they don't go to any extra effort to accommodate OP, and OP doesn't feel like she can say anything or refuse to go, the whole thing sounds weird but it does happen within families.

The best solution is to stop going for meals and go at a different time instead, or have them round to yours, or go out together instead! Break the cycle!

OP, you’re being really vague about your relationship with them. What is the ‘water under the bridge’? Why is it one of ‘tolerance’?

And I'd be willing to bet there are often issues around your children?

Well they can't have it both ways. Either they need to cater for your needs or they need to accept that you bring your own food. If they don't care enough to consider you when they are buying their m and S ready meal that's fine but surely they can let you bring something of your choice.

If I'm cooking for veggie friends they would sometimes bring their own because some of them are a bit puritanical and don't eat anything processed, others would prefer just eat the veg and potatoes so I obviously make sure they didn't have added meat products. I admit I don't always go to huge lengths but to not even consider it is plain rude.

You seem very passive OP, every time they serve you meat, say no sorry I can’t eat that, I have told you I’m a vegetarian. Come on they must be doing it to get at you, no one can be that inconsiderate. It’s easy to make a veggie option for a dinner guest.

They don't care about upsetting you, why do you care? I would take my own food.

and if they offer you meat, say 'you know I'm vegetarian' every single time. no sorry, no thanks.

also why isn't dh having a word with them?

Love that response.

The "won't eat vegetarian food, we only eat normal food" response is just bonkers. Assuming it's vegetarian and not vegan, macaroni cheese is vegetarian. Italian , Indian and Thai restaurants have huge vegetarian choices; not because they're doing anything special, it's "normal food"

It doesn’t really matter if Op chooses to be a vegetarian for ethical reasons or health reasons, her in laws aren’t exactly contributing to family harmony by forcing meat or meat by products onto her.

The ignorance here is astounding.
i don’t know how you can invite someone to your home for a meal and then ignore their dietary requirements. We are all individuals. The poster is not saying they cannot serve meat, but SHE is vegetarian and it is extremely rude, insensitive, and maybe passive aggressive to keep serving her meat. And it is affecting relationships. OP is not unreasonable at all.

So Mil/Fil aren’t even cooking? It’s all pre-prepared from M&S?

the very LEAST they could have done was buy something pre-prepared that was vegetarian, but no. Better to have a pop at their DIL knowing she’s too polite to say anything after 7 YEARS of this shit.

@spotlightq be less polite. A LOT less polite. Take your own food and cook it for yourself

give her back any plate they give you with meat on it and remind them “you’ve known me for 9 years, I’ve been vegetarian since childhood. I don’t eat meat”

It's clearly deliberate and absolutely bang out of order. Before the meal, your husband should be saying 'and what's OP going to eat?'
It's awful they can't even get one vegetarian meal right? If they won't feed you then how can they expect you to attend?

Roasts certainly do! You do need to be careful with UPF substitutes in general though or you could make other people unwell.

I think it’s quite niche in fact to feel you have to, or even that you ordinarily, cook roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings in meat fat.

I wouldn’t want my kids being taken over to spend time with a bunch or arseholes, by a husband who didn’t have my back without me being there.

Yep in 35 years of being a vegetarian and eating at other people’s houses, I have never experienced this. Neither have my kids. Which leads me to believe the in laws are doing it on purpose to be shitty.