In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

@totallybonkerswarning a lot of wines are vegetarian or even vegan these days.

DD is vegetarian and my niece is vegan, so we are used to looking out for it. Tesco are pretty good at labelling their wine, and if I am somewhere buying wine and am not sure I just check out the wine producer's website.

Because she's already done that many times before, they don't care. I would prefer to have a meal I can actually eat.

Wine isn't usually vegetarian - made with isinglass. I'm an ex- vegetarian hence knowing this

How annoying. I don't eat fish and always tell people. I've never been in this situation.

I am a total carnivore but I can understand that if someone has made the choice not to chomp down on the rotting flesh of a once sentient being, constantly putting it in front of them is at best rude. Wouldn't dream of making a guest that uncomfortable. What is wrong with people getting so upset over other peoples choices?

You’re adding to the problem by allowing them to control you.

You’re the fool for sitting hungry every week when you could just make something for yourself. Why don’t you bring a veggie dish for the table and a side, and eat from that?

OP, it's really rude. Being vegetarian is nothing out of the ordinary and they could really easily accommodate your not in any way demanding needs.

Bloody marks and Spencers, they're terrible for doing stuff like that.
Put all kinds of shit in stuff.
Butter in the vegetables, pancetta in the peas etc
Crap if you're vegan or milk intolerant/allergic as you have to be so careful!

Who puts pancetta in peas? That's an act of aggression right there.

I got caught out once when serving fruit in jelly, I hadn't realised it wasn't veggie and you needed a special veggie substitue for gelatin. But I hooked some pears in red wine out of the freezer for the guest in question and that was an acceptable substitute! In fact, I think the others were jealous.....😆

Honestly ridiculous! My step daughter (vegetarian) often joins us for roast dinner on a Sunday. I use Sunflower oil for roast potatoes and Yorkshire Puddings, not tricky or more expensive at all. .

I meant this kindly, but the issue goes deeper than just the food your ILs are offering.

Have you ever had therapy where you could talk about being forced to eat as a child, and feeling unsupported? It seems to me that you are feeling unsupported by your husband, and feeling that you are powerless to advocate for yourself with any hope of being heard. Is this a reflection of your childhood problem?

Well there's your problem.

Though it remains that nobody controls you unless you let them...

If you do let them, and you are behaving in a way that you hope will control their response, then you need to examine your approach for signs of codependency.

Either speak up or just carry on leaving a lot of food on your plate. The ILs can take umbrage or not. It's not your problem if they feel put out.

Very unkind of them. I really empathise with you. My MIL knows
I have asthma and allergic to cats , she didn’t know why I couldn’t go eat in her niece’s who has 3 indoor cats , it was thankfully my FIL that gave me the heads up! Could your husband check before hand with them maybe ask if they want you to bring some vegetarian food for yourself or something like that? I know a woman that has a gluten intolerance so she always brings her own food to family things , I mean if you were gluten intolerant they wouldn’t expect you to eat a loaf of bread would they ? It shows a total lack of consideration IMHO.

@Beautiful3

or just say - im a vegetarian??!

Ridiculously disrespectful of them. We're omnivores in our household, and extended members of the family are vegetarian when they eat with us, I wouldn't dream of serving them anything other than non meat dishes.What we put in our mouths is a personal choice and shouldn't be challenged. I'm not sure I'd go there, your husband should have pointed out to them in the most basic terms, if they are too thick to understand, that being a vegetarian is defined by not eating meat or fish for that matter. If they can't cook something without meat, there are umpteen products on the market these days to accommodate vegetarians.

ok understood, but stop making excuses for your in laws. This is why shitty people continue to do shitty things because no-one challenges them on it or panders to their ‘sensitivity’, doesn’t make them any less shitty for them basically disrespecting you and sticking two fingers up to your food choices. It’s so frustrating! And also your DH needs to sort himself out. He should be absolutely backing you and making it clear to his parents. Why put up with this? Who will be upset? Who won’t like it? Well tough shit. You’re the one that’s suffering. Either do something about it and stop worrying about everyone else for a second, making excuses for them. Or continue making excuses but can’t complain then if nothing is done about it. They clearly aren’t bothered about serving you meat. If my in-laws did this to me I would just wouldn’t go for lunch. You’re an adult, you make your own decisions. 😊

I don't eat meat, but if I go to someone's house, I don't fuss about what the potatoes are cooked in, or whether pastry is made with lard. I eat fish now, but even when I didn't, I wouldn't say I was vegetarian because although I wouldn't use lard, gelatine etc, I wouldn't actively ask and avoid if someone had cooked for me.

I wouldn't eat peas with pancetta, but if that's what the hosts want fine. Putting it on my plate - not acceptable. I would be insisting on plating my own food.

My DIL doesn’t eat red meat, just fish, turkey and chicken - so, by your rules, I should just serve her beef and bacon when she and my ds and their daughter come to visit, @CloudsUnderwater?

Utter nonsense - and pretty nasty too.

I plan meals that I know she will eat and enjoy, because I love her, and because she makes my ds so happy - and so I want her to feel comfortable and welcomed here. And even if a guest is not my DIL and beloved of my ds, I would still want them to feel comfortable and welcomed here as a guest, so I would make food they would enjoy. Isn’t that basic decency?

I have roasted potatoes in extra virgin olive oil and they come out fine, if a little greenish. Just roast them more slowly at 180/90 or so. They are nice with crushed rosemary and garlic in the oil.

Another choice is rape seed oil which can take higher temperatures. Cold pressed is minimally processed and it doesn't have a strong favour. They come out crispier with this, rather than the olive oil.

No! You say I am a vegetarian and therefore can’t eat the meat dishes you serve!

wjg is everyone so bloody passive!

As an adult you either decide to put up with this or you stand up for yourself. It’s maddening to hear your complaining but then explaining why every solution offered isn’t workable.

unless your in laws have a cognitive impairment they are doing this deliberately. They probably think it’s too much hassle and you should just eat meat.

either stand up for yourself or let them walk all over you. For gods sake show your kids how to be a decisive functioning adult!

OP, sorry to break it to you but they are clearly doing this deliberately. They know you don’t eat meat and yet time and time again they serve you meat. Ask yourself why this might be. I will tell you - they don’t like you.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but that’s the reality of it. And I have been there and experienced the same kind of petty nastiness from some of my in-laws. Nothing I did changed the way they were towards me and my husband never had the backbone to stick up for me so in the end I just cut all contact with them and it was the best decision I ever made.

This is sad OP. Is there a reason you’re continuing this?

I'd bring a microwave meal and box of salad. Just say, I have a sensitive tummy sojive brought my own meal.