In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

Tbh I wouldn't trust anything they put on my plate and would bring my own from now on. If you have to say you are on an elimination diet.

Once at ils they were making a fry up. After finishing the sausages fil started frying eggs and asked me how many I wanted. I asked if I could have a clean pan for mine (vegi and was already battling the smell of frying meat) fil shoved the hot pan at me splashing hot fat at me and told me to wash it myself... Utter overreaction.. I never ate more than a cuppa and a biscuit there after that. No regard for me at all obviously..

Unfortunately I’ve been getting this and I’m the mother-in-law … I don’t want anything fancy just a little something that’s showing respect . I always respect and it’s not forthcoming and cracks are showing in the family unit atm in very subtle ways
when people show you who they are, believe them ( Mary Angelou )

Complete ignorance and disrespect for you.

Say one more time something like:
I have brought you a book to educate you on what vegetarian means but to save food waste in the future, please don't cook for me.
The book is in case you have other friends in the future who may be vegetarian

As someone who eats meat, I think it's absolutely disgusting that they are still serving you meat, especially knowing full well that you are a vegetarian. Have you spoken to your partner about it? Maybe they can have a word with them about, and tell them it's extremely wrong, and rude, to continuously serve, a known vegetarian, meat and meat products all the time!

I think older people see it as a preference they cant be bothered with. Simply put you wont die for eating meat. Its a choice. It is inconvenient for non vegetarians. Why atent you bringing your own meals? They’re probably asking their friends when you’re going to stop being a princess

Sad my it’s seems they’re too thick to grasp the nettle or they’re trying to convert you into becoming a corpse cruncher lovely cut hour loses & either take your own prepared food or refuse to go there until they accept & agree to respect your wishes x

Because it’s good manners. I’m not fond of pineapple (not allergic). If I go somewhere and am served pineapple I will just eat it so as not to offend. Picky eaters (vegetarian is different) are a pain.

And I also think it's perfectly acceptable to serve vegetarian food to visiting meat eaters especially if you wouldn't otherwise cook meat. It's an invitation to a meal, not a command.

Apologies if this has been misconstrued.

I think she is batshit for taking this lying down for years on the basis they are a bit oversensitive. Sod that.

Completely agree they are being obscenely rude, hence my woman up comment. I think she is allowing herself to be treated like a doormat and is bending over backwards to avoid conflict or even the barest sniff of it. Time to find some backbone and I mean that nicely.

How is this going to play out in their dotage if she's established no boundaries with them. How is it going to work if her two children have allergies or worse still, choose to be vegetarians? 😁

I think that realistically this is the only thing that @spotlightq can do.

Sitting there like a martyr and going hungry is just a ridiculous thing to do.

Actually, I don't think I did lump tofu in with fake meat and cheese, @GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight - in my post, I put tofu and then fake meat/cheese - I thought that made it abundantly clear that I wasn't calling tofu 'fake' anything.

Firstly, neither I or anyone else has said the OP’s husband doesn’t eat meat, so I’m not sure what your point is here. Maybe you think the OP’s diet is less important as she’s a mere in-law?

Secondly, I didn’t make the “favourite food” post, but I don’t believe that poster was suggesting the OP leave because the food wasn’t her favourite. The problem is the food is inedible for her purposes! As I understood it, that poster was saying her husband would have taken her to a restaurant for her favourite food in those circumstances, not because she wanted her favourite and nothing less, but because she was being badly treated by his parents.

As for “Can’t she take a ready prepared veggie option?”, what’s the point of inviting someone over for a meal if you’re deliberately going to serve something they can’t eat? OP could eat any ready made or home made dish she liked at home. Given the in-laws buy it all from M&S anyway, how hard is it to pick up a vegetarian dish from the wide selection they offer?

Splitting the entire gathering because it isn’t her favourite food is totally different from OP quietly but firmly making the point they haven’t given her veggie so she isn’t able to eat it without breaching her dietary regime and she needs to eat something different.

Firstly he can eat meat as I understand it. Secondly it was the partner taking her to “ favourite” food that sounded unreasonable - as if she can’t ever consume a meal that isn’t first choice. It would completely blur the message that it simply needs to be veggie - which, as I understand it, is what she wants then to grasp.
Nothing wrong with OP popping out to a local 9 to 9 etc to grab something to eat; but a grand departure of both her and DH to her “favourite” food is just going to make OP look like she’s pulling the tug of war rope. I’m not saying she needs to eat what she doesn’t like but can’t she take a veggie option ( some of the supermarkets do delicious pre packed salads that I’ve had for plenty of meals on the run etc). No, it isn’t my most memorable meals when I do it, and not my favourite food; but not every meal is my ideal. My in-laws don’t cook my favourite food ( though it doesn’t cut against any dietary requirements of mine) nor does a good friend, but that’s part and parcel of being a guest. If op wants to make the point she only eats veggie meals, the best thing she can do is sit and eat an example in front of them.

Vegetable oil is not an UPF. It is class 2, processed, like butter, flour, and probably goose fat.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10399516/#:~:text=Group%202%20processed%20culinary%20ingredients,processed%20food%20of%20simple%20formulation.

I didn't say I didn't eat any UPFs. I was just agreeing with a poster that vegetable oil is bad for you because it's a UPF. It's difficult to avoid them all, obviously it's not all or nothing, but it's easy to buy something healthier to cook with at home.

I'm vegetarian.
If my in laws served me meat I'd politely apologise for not being able to eat it and remind them I was a vegetarian every single time.
And I'd keep a cereal bar or a banana or something in my handbag. Tell them "no worries, I've got a snack in my bag so I'll just have that instead of you making me something else."

Ah ok apologies then

They probably wouldn't care anyway.

As for the moral highground, well I think vegetarians and vegans have a point. although lamb isn't factory farmed.

She didn't. I was saying they are being such dicks it would be reasonable to put them off their meal.

People are dicks about not eating meat. They think it's some sort of moral high ground. But you don't have to lie down and accept it. No that's not vegetarian is not rude. Repeatedly banging on about the slaughter and farming practices of lamb whilst they eat it is rude, but in the circumstances I'd give you a pass.

When has the OP ever said she raises the issue of factory farming with her in-laws?

How would it be unreasonable for OP and her partner to leave when her in-laws deliberately make food she can’t eat?

@GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight

Er, not sure why you're tagging me and educating me about tofu. I didn't lump tofu in with those monstrosities. I was replying to another poster SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius who did. And who you have now quoted and misattributed to me.

I said tofu is not fake anything and is very easy to incorporate into recipes.

I would disagree on the “no malice”. It isn’t difficult to understand that someone doesn’t eat meat.