To say it's not really my problem that my friend chose to have two children

I get this a lot from a family member but rather than fairness they are obsessed with my good luck. 'You're so lucky you aren't in debt', 'You're so lucky to have a nice house' blah blah blah. It really riles me because I work my socks off and this relative doesn't. I often say "Well, I like to think it's not all good luck and that some of my hard work has paid off" to which the relative instantly changes their tune and says how amazingly hard I work. I don't really think they are saying it to get at me they are just vocalising their own envy and are probably well aware that their own situation is due to a lack of effort on their part.

I'd respond to your friend with something like "Well I'm not sure it's about fairness, you've just made different choices to me" and leave it at that.

I'm a single mum who works full time and is also on benefits. My best friend has a child the same age as my son. Her house is worth over a million and she goes on holiday regularly. Her son always wants to come to our house as he prefers it. He doesn't care that her house is bigger. He loves it here because it's fun, we have musical instruments, we're close to a park etc. Kids need love and laughter and to be listened to and interacted with. Ask most adults who have lost their parents what they miss - I can assure you it won't be their big bedroom. Your friend sounds insecure and like they're focusing on the wrong thing.

YABU for being so bothered about it. Every time she comments along those lines you could just ignore rather than try to justify yourself.
Its not her business.

Have you trued immediately drawing her attention to it?
It's not fair that..
See x, this is exactly what I have been talking about. What's this if not you moaning? Why are you talking about fairness? It's perfectly fair that two children cost more than one

Nit the same situation but similar attitudes. My y dh and I bought a little terrace 2 up 2 down ( in the90s). We've renovated/extended etc and love it. We won't move and our mortgage is paid off.
A dear friend has bought small, then medium then larger house and currently have at least 10yrs on mortgage which is a high percentage of their wages. CHOICES.
We were out with friends and houses/mortgages came up and i mentioned our mortgage was paid off. She, very scathingly/ nastily said, ' you would die if you know how much we pay in mortgage!!!' I wouldnt normally react but her attitide was shit, so i said ' but that's what you've chosen, yes I don't pay a mortgage but I don't have a drive, garage,utility, kitchen diner, dressing room, onsuite' CHOICES!!

Ask her what she'd like you to do about it.

She's being ridiculous. Kids bleat on about supposed 'fairness', not adults.

Comparison is the thief of joy

She is jealous. She makes jabs.

Up to you if you want to continue to take it.

She sounds like a dick, regardless of how many children she’s got. She’s chosen to have more than one, of course that means that she has to make different financial choices.

Can you have a quiet word with her and say you're finding her comments a bit hard? You don't want it to come between you sort of thing.

Actually, a DS and his DW are children of a family friend, my DM's best friend. They chose to have DC by IVF as she had trouble getting pregnant, had one DS and 2 DDs (twins) and apparently chose to have both this way.

Now though, every other post is how tiring it is (or was), whenever she needs/wants childcare. How hard it is being a DM to twins and a third child. She spouts this whenever you see her too.

So why have them in the first place then? Did you not research into having twins or naively think having twins would be easy?

It’s ok to outgrow a friendship @Fruitystones

She may have supported you in prior times but that was mutual.

This current behaviour is not. Time to move on.

So you're close enough to tell her to stop bloody moaning 🤷‍♂️

There are always pros and cons to however many children you have. She should try looking at the pros.

She sounds very jealous! I would be taking a step back from the friendship personally x

She'd be an ex friend from me. I'd be tempted to tell her why too.

She's not your friend, OP. She's just jealous of you and thinks you shouldn't have whatever you have because she hasn't got it. Stupid and jealous.

She doesn’t sound like a very nice friend

Urgh! I get it OP, but from family! DH’s siblings have chosen to have, frankly, more kids than they can afford and live the life they’d like to.
We probably earn a bit more, but only two kids so have (in their eyes) fancy cars, big house, expensive hobbies…I just ignore their digs. I’m certainly not going to feel guilty our kids have things and opportunities theirs don’t. They made their choices as did we.

People making comments like that are mean twats. If you have moved, hopefully you can phase them out.

Some people always want more, regardless. Even when they get the kids they always wanted, it’s a problem! I have a friend who moans about her kids constantly. She wants a bigger house, a better car, will only go back to work if it’s a top career… Meanwhile I don’t own a house. Or a car. And I work all sorts of hours to keep the show on the road. I also have one child, so she thinks I’m living my best life every day, ha ha!

I would just stop engaging with her about anything that didn't directly relate to arranging something for the kids.

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