Does this sound financially fair?

There was a long thread on here a while back on a similar theme and circumstances which went into the various points of view re fairness or otherwise and ways of balancing equity vs mortgage payment split etc. I don't recall the thread title but a search might bring it up for you.

You need to go to see a solicitor and see what they suggest. You can't go on paying 2/3 of the mortgage. You'll have nothing left to enjoy your life. I think this relationship is not good for you. I'd be splitting up and making sure the half I was forced to pay for solicitor fees on a property he is saying is entirely his was returned to me. He is just using you as a cash cow. Surely you must see this.

Separate love from this situation. This is the business part - it doesn't matter if you love him PLS love yourself first and more than him.

You are not married to him. You feel as though you cannot speak to him about money (anything else?) But yet he is totally comfortable making purchases and giving you half the bill.

Wake up! He is using you for your finances and you are willfully letting him. Why?

He was able to put in a bigger deposit on this house because of your 'rent' payments in the last house. And now you pay more each month than your payments before.

Now is the time to get your papers in order re the legalities of this financial arrangement. This is what you are in - a financial arrangements with your boyfriend. There is no love as he wants your money spent on his wants and needs. What do you want?

Try your best to get some of your money back if this is not possible then make sure all payments are taken into account. And then pay 50% going forward. Making sure you get your actually dues upon selling the house.

You were a tenant in the last house, with no rights. Make it clear to your boyfriend you have rights to this house.

If you divorced or separated what would you expect back?

And also agree with a PP who said not to have kids with this man. If you want them, this isn’t the guy to have them with.

You need to stand up for yourself, that is utter madness. And when he comes to you demanding repairs that need doing, say no, you can’t afford it, and will not pay him back if he goes ahead with it off his own back. He doesn’t get to always have the final say.

No it doesn’t. If your partner wants you to pay for half the roof and you don’t have the funds for that, he needs to wait until you do. If he paid a much larger deposit, he should have ring fenced that, then all costs going forward are paid 50:50, including the mortgage repayments. The way he is doing this, you constantly owe him money which is what doesn’t sit right with me. Does he actually prefer you being in a more difficult situation financially, despite you being the higher earner? It sounds that way.

I was working off the comment that her deposit was 20% of what he put down. But yeah, I may have muddled myself somewhere.

This sounds like coercive control dressed up as financial manipulation.

Have a look at the freedom programme OP, it might help. I suspect there are other areas of your relationship that aren’t right, hence your strong instinctual gut feeling to run away.

listen to it, but get some really solid financial advice before you split and sell.

Do not have children with this man.

The amount of posts I see on here of women struggling financially when on mat leave because their partner treats their finances so separately. You are not describing a partnership here, it certainly seems alien to me anyway.

@Catza If you don't want to go down the solicitors route, this is how I would personally handle it. You pay mortgage 50/50 from now on, you agree that your original deposit contribution is a stand-alone "debt to him" and you work out a schedule to overpay your mortgage by a certain amount annually to clear this "debt". For example, if his deposit was 100k and yours 20k, then you "owe" him 80k.

On the above example I just want to make it clear that you would not owe him 80K but 40K. The total deposit is 120K so to even it out you would both pay 60K each in which case your payment to him would be 40K.

If you don't want to go down the solicitors route, this is how I would personally handle it. You pay mortgage 50/50 from now on, you agree that your original deposit contribution is a stand-alone "debt to him" and you work out a schedule to overpay your mortgage by a certain amount annually to clear this "debt". For example, if his deposit was 100k and yours 20k, then you "owe" him 80k. You can work out what amount of that sum you can afford to overpay on top of your mortgage contributions. And you take your broker payment for the sale of his previous house off the total amount as well.
If he wants all repairs to be 50/50, then you need to agree on these repairs jointly. If you can't afford to replace the roof, then the roof isn't going to be replaced. That's just what life is for a lot of people who don't have access to inheritance and need to live within their means. If he unilaterally decides to go ahead, it's his money and his alone.
This is, considering, you are willing to let him off your previous property mortgage contributions. I don't think you are legally entitled to them but morally, it is strange for him to elect to just pocket the equity you helped him to build.

I can only imagine what kind of a pickle you are going to be in if you break up and have to sell the house....

Get legal advice and a contract created. Currently this doesn't work. He feels shorted and you are being ground down.

With regards to you paying towards his previous mortgage I do agree with him that that was more like rent. Had you lived elsewhere you would have been paying more in rent so I think it's fair that you paid to live in his house. This topic comes up a lot on mn and the general view is that it wouldn't be fair for the live in partner to pay nothing whilst the house owner houses them for free.

Sorry @runningaway90 I appreciate my post does not answer your actual question, but I think there are broader issues here.

This all sounds very transactional for two people who are planning to marry. When you're married all assets are joint. Are you sure he wants to get married? My spidey senses are up that he is protecting his assets (absolutely nothing wrong with that in principle and I'd advise anyone to do the same) but it just feels ...off.

I'm not sure I could be with someone who is dictating what I do with my money. And you paying higher mortgage payments to make up for lower deposit feels odd. You'll never be able to save. Plus you don't like the house.

Say you'd like to sit down and discuss, calmly. Don't spring it on him.

Personally I think you need to see a solicitor. At the very least write it all down so it's there in black and white.

Do you love him? Really genuinely? Is it only the financial side that you are finding difficult? Finances are a huge thing in a relationship, if you're not on the same page now you may struggle in future and it will only get worse when you have kids.

It is good that he wanted you to have 50% ownership, but it's just not working for you financially.

I would sit down and work out the total cost so far and who has put what in, then work out the percentages and then change the deeds so that you own it in those proportions and then pay the mortgage in the same ratio.

If you manage to save money separately over time you could pay a lump sum off the mortgage and change the deeds again.

This all seems totally unfair. You are paying 2/3s mortgage which is predominantly interest.

Your best bet is to seek some legal advice and get something drawn up which represents both your deposit contributions then a 50/50 split on the remainder of the house.

It could also include any works done that are paid by just one of you.

I think you also really need to have an open conversation with him about finances his attitude doesn't seem helpful for a relationship where you are considering marriage and lifetime commitment to each other.

Are you both on the deeds?

Dangerous to do this kind of thing without being married…

He’s taking the piss and I don’t blame you for wanting to run away.

I think you need to have a serious chat and take it from there.

This very much sounds like some sort of financial manipulation. I would contact a solicitor as soon as possible to see where you stand legally. Is your current ownership 50/50? If so, I would be looking to get out of this arrangement as soon as possible. You sound as though you are not married so you really need to get your life back on track before you are drowning under a debt with no equity to show for it.
He squirreled away a substantial portion of your earnings. It's quite irrelevant whether or not you hypothetically could have rented somewhere cheaper. The set up seems extremely unfair to you as it doesn't sound like either of you really know how much you "owe" him but it seems to be massively skewed in his favour.
ETA: it's not his investment. It's your joint investment. Of course, you should be able to benefit from it.