Does this sound financially fair?

OP you need your own solicitor, speak to them first without your DP. I deal with this everyday for both commercial and personal and come across it all, fair and corrupt - your set up is absolutely bonkers, well done for realising and starting to question it etc. There are so many other ways and legal structures that can be used to be totally reasonable and fair to you both, you need to really tackle this head on and get it sorted and protect yourself, if not and it can’t be mutually worked out between you then that will tell you all you need to know to decide whether this is a relationship for you and your future.

You pay 2/3rds of the mortgage yet I do all the daily running of the house (cleaning, washings, shopping etc), he does more of the DIY and cleans the cars when he can be arsed.

Plus he is pissed off if you arrange a get-together with friends??

I'd be binning him.

It all sounds very divided. You are supposed to be a team. You sound more like business partners or house mates. If you get married it’s all irrelevant BUT I would be wary marrying someone this grabby.

@runningaway90 you have paid back way more than his share of the deposit by now, you must have done.

i have never heard of his way of evening it all up, as most people go to see a solicitor to draw up the deed of trust that states the share of the house. This is just so unfair on you any solicitor would surely never have allowed it to happen.
the usual ways are to ring fence the deposit, or to own different percentages and thus pay different percentages of the mortgage. All other bills are 50:50.

this is scary, how much he is scamming you.

spreadsheet now, get started this minute.
going back to the beginning of your owning houses jointly.
dont get pregnant, he will have you paying four times over when you are on Mat Leave, but explaining it in a way that makes it seem reasonable.

Well, that's something....I suppose. But now this means this is the second house where he's got you paying 2/3. Buying and selling houses costs money (stamp duty, estate agent fees etc), has he made you pay 2/3 of those costs too?

He's really leveraging that inheritance, isn't he? This is how rich people stay rich and get richer. He didn't make any money, he's investing what he's been given, improving his quality of life, and getting you to cover the costs

To add he could have had his deposit ring fenced and just split 50/50, this don't marriage material

Many, many years ago DH and I had a financial disagreement which we didn't seem to be able to resolve in a 'well I paid for this' versus a 'yeah, but I paid for that' scenario. I literally got all the bank statements and put everything onto a spreadsheet, it put down in black and white what each contribution had been.

I'd walk away, I can 100% guarantee when your on maternity leave he will expect you to continue paying 2/3, He thinks you've to pay 2/3 mortgage FOREVER to even it out?
I noted you said he wanted to move, he won't move back to where there's neighbours, he's arranging repairs.
You seem to have no say, just there to fund his house.

as when we had to pay early repayment fees upon selling the last house, I had to pay 2/3rd of those too as I'm responsible for 2/3rd of the mortgage and all the costs that come with that

This was to sell HIS house, that you didn't get any of the proceeds from, in order to buy a house that HE wanted but couldn't afford alone and is now making you pay more than 50% of for a 50% share 😱 AND he didn't even earn the deposit himself, it was an inheritance!!!

I'd promised myself not to comment again, to just leave you be, but sorry I just can't. What kind of person does this to someone???

Oh my god 😱 Run, run away fast!

Sit down with a big piece of paper and track who has spent what etc. Ask him again what
his objection is to you having less percentage. Tell him you’re happy to get legal advice if he would find this reassuring. Explain that you’re also not prepared to accept his comments on how you spend your money, especially when you’re contributing more than he is each month, and if it continues you’ll view it as controlling behaviour and have to respond accordingly.

I agree it's spreadsheet time!
As the higher earner you have the greatest leverage surely OP. I think all this smoke & mirrors from him is about trying to get the control he thinks he should have.
You sound like a decent person who wants things to be fair, so your default setting is to think he will be fair to you in return. BUT some people have more dominant personalities & what feels 'fair' (aka what they have come to expect) to them is that they have the upper hand, and so they will always be trying to work things to their advantage.

You thinking he'd think you're trying to mess him about financially is probably because you've recognised that he messes you about financially.

Out of interest, does he pay you back for his half of the shopping? And how are bills split? I expect you have already paid for 50% of the house equity.

this sounds awful. I would cut my losses, sell up and take your share and get the hell out of there. Trust your gut on this.

I’d be getting a brand new excel spreadsheet set up and going back over the whole relationship and seeing who spent what.

you need to be 50:50 and all the confusion and double accounting for the deposit is really out of order. I can’t work it out which is why you need a spreadsheet.

ring fence his deposit, that seems fair enough but you overpaying each month on the mortgage to the value of the deposit doesn’t quite make sense and I am sure you are way overpaying on this.

and say NO to the roof at present

This is making my brain hurt.
He will not marry you, he will not want you to have claim to 50% of the house, until all mortgage is paid off.
You need to look into compound interest, and figure out how much you will eventually pay, in total, on buying the house. It will be the price you paid as agreed with the seller, PLUS up to 35 years INTEREST on that sum. If you pay 2/3 of the mortgage for the full term, you would be owning MUCH MORE than 50%, surely? And will DP acknowledge that? Suspect not. No wonder he preferred to do it this way rather than ringfence his deposit! He is screwing you over, OP!!!!!

Having DCs with him would be a huge mistake. TBF, staying with him would be a huge mistake. Sorry.
And OF COURSE you are doing all the house stuff. How much DIY does this man do? Does he do an hour a day and even more at weekends? Does it heck balance out with time you spend shopping, cooking, cleaning etc.

OP I am furious on your behalf, please don’t have a child with this man, he doesn’t see you as a team or partnership. It must be draining to live like this. Please consider ending this relationship and selling up. It seems like he’s enjoying rinsing you of your hard earned cash and making your life very small. Please find your voice.

I need to figure out what to do as I know that he won't positively respond to me bringing this up
Are you saying that if you question him or challenge him on anything he gets angry & tries to shut you down?
That doesn't sound like a partnership OP, it sounds like he's the boss and you are punished if you dont obey.

Absolutely this, especially if you don't get married. You will end up struggling to pay for everything and he will be off out enjoying himself.

If you are partners then so are your finances. This splitting everything up sounds like your just house mates.

Honestly, I'd leave him and take half the house proceeds. He expects you to pay 2/3 of the mortgage for the house?? Fuck that.