Does this sound financially fair?

How is it going?

Op, you will only get max 50% of the house. So if you don’t feel comfortable before telling him you’re leaving, the minute you do tell him you need to change your mortgage contribution to 50%, and in writing tell him that 1. He needs to up his contribution to 50%, and 2. You have x contributed extra to the mortgage eg you have paid £100 extra for 12 months, so you will be including 1200 in your ringfenced share before a split of the equity. You know he would sooner be burnt alive at the stake than relinquish a penny of his deposit so you need to put your claim for what’s fair equally strongly. And lowering your contribution gives you that cash towards costs and a rental.

Hope you are doing well, OP, and planning something nice for the long weekend.

This sounds very confusing. When me and DH bought our first house, I put down the deposit. We got a Declaration of trust that protects my 30%. After this, everything is equally ours, however much we are both paying. I would get some legal and financial advise ASAP.

OP, I hope you enjoy this article from The Sunday Times:
‘My husband earns more than me — but insists we split holiday costs’
This week Kathy Lette tackles a parsimonious partner...

She doesn't mince her words; she's an outspoken Australian and wit:
Does this ring a bell?

Q. My husband earns about £70,000 a year, three times as much as I do, yet insists that we go 50-50 to pay for our annual family holiday with our two kids, aged six and nine. We usually go camping in the south of France and it’s just about affordable, but I’m now at my wits’ end because he is suggesting we skip that this summer so I can ‘“save up” for a trip to Disney World in Florida next year. I’m desperate for a break this year and I don’t think I will ever be able to afford half the cost of a Disney trip — about £6,000 for my share. What should I do?

• • Her reply is delicious: [In part]: "A. It’s time to tell your resident Scrooge a few home truths. Your husband is keen on splitting holiday costs, but I doubt that he’s splitting the domestic load. The enlistment of labour on a subsistence basis is forbidden in civilised countries, except in one state — the holy state of matrimony.

It’s also time to point out to your spouse that a woman’s work is never done … not by men, anyway. ...

But even more annoying than a husband who doesn’t do his share domestically is one who then demands that his wife take on half the financial burdens. I suggest that you send your parsimonious spouse a receipt each month for all the extra work you’ve undertaken. ...

Your partner’s attitude is not just mean-spirited, but also disrespectful. Husbands-to-be should be made to sign emotional prenups, because it’s love that a woman is really banking on … and it’s time that your stingy spouse made a deposit, with interest! " ...

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/travel/advice/kathy-lette-husband-earns-three-times-more-than-me-but-insists-on-splitting-holiday-costs-pnkl5whwd

I know very little about breaking up living together relationships, but if you leave, doesn't he have to buy you out or sell up? How are you actually supposed to negotiate separating money when your money is pooled? Do you get a solicitor to prepare an audit trail and put together kind of a reasonable offer document?

I remember you were going to get the house valued. Is that the next step?

I do hope you have a separate bank account and are stashing some cash in there.

Most landlords will allow pets these days and can’t “unreasonably” refuse a request to have a pet at a property. Speak to some local letting agents and you might be surprised at your options.

@runningaway90
OP, look for “built to rent” landlords - they allow pets and the size of the dog won’t matter. I live in one of these (I have a cat) and you should see the size of some of the dogs my neighbours have.

if you’re in London, DM me and I can give you more details with specific areas where these BtR developments exist.

some of the landlords you can look up:

Folio - I’m with them, they’ve been really good to us. They have developments in London areas and Colchester, I think.

L&Q private renting

Get Living

Fizzy

google “pet friendly rentals” or similar as there are others, I can’t remember their names.

also, you can filter for “pets allowed” on Zoopla and Open Rent.

no doubt once you leave him and look back it will become clearer and clearer how awful he is.

OP the vast majority of us are NOT judging you. I know I gave you some pretty bluntly worded advice but I believe in you. you can 100% do it.

I don't think comments like this are helpful in any way. we are trying to support the OP in this thread.

Just a thought as well, that there are animal rescues who may arrange fostering for the dog until you’re more sorted. Just ask around.

Just ignore the judgers, OP.
Obviously never experienced abuse and can’t comprehend how it affects a person.

A good plan is as you’ve said, concentrate on the new job interview for now.
Try to stay strong against his psychological tactics and as it’s important to you, focus on escaping with the dog when the time comes.

Do your research for what rentals are available that will take a large dog.
What kennels are in the area , their fees and maybe contact them and explain your situation.

When you do end it with him, things will probably be worse if you stay living with him. So be prepared for that and don’t mention you want the dog because he will use that against you and he will use it to keep you there.

Ideally, when you end it, you should have a little plan B already organised and be ready to go.

A little secret plan in your head is what you need and it sounds like you’re already working on it.

@runningaway90 OP you are strong and capable and you have seen him for who he really is. It’s difficult leaving abusive relationships- it took me far longer to leave than it should* have, when I was in one. You’re dealing with a lot of information and this is a high stakes situation. Of course you’re not just going to up and leave.

the future will be much brighter.

*editing to say that I’ve just realised how I spoke to myself there…..

Ignore anyone judging you. It took me more years than it should have done to leave someone who was financially, emotionally and occasionally physically abusive. Get your ducks in a row first and do it when you can. A three week deadline sounds good with the other stuff going on.

Positive story though: I’m now years in to a relationship with a wonderful man and I’m so, so happy. That’s out there waiting for you too.

She's not leaving.
She's probably still doing all his washing and cooking as well.

But if you leave you only need to pay half the mortgage right?

What does your solicitor say?

You’ve been overpaying your contribution on the mortgage for a while now.

You’d still be entitled to half the house.

Could you afford to pay for the flat and half the mortgage (rather than the two thirds you’ve been paying?)

You didn't / haven't asked anywhere in your whole thread, and you probably would not have accepted if I had been able to offer ( perfect stranger on internet having your dog, not knowing me from adam - sort of thing :)

please don't feel undeserved, to me it's all part of ' hand holding ' and you deserve it as much as anyone else in your situation.

aw I am sorry about the size of dog, if she had been Pug size etc. I could have offered to help until you were sorted, however I already have 4 dogs and the back seat in my car is pretty full.