Does this sound financially fair?

I would want every penny back. Total up your deposit & every mortgage payment. Not sure where you stand but see what the solicitor says. I really don't believe you owe him £10k. Manipulative tight bastard.

You're right it is his opinion, he's not got a law degree in family law and he doesn't make the decision on who gets what. If it comes to it a judge will do this and it's based on the law and needs. Not what your dh 'thinks'.

When you say you're going home I hope you mean back to your parents house and it's the first step to leaving him.

You are so close to being happy again and free.
Keep on keeping on, @runningaway90
Let your lovely Mum and family help you, they've probably been wanting to help for a long time.
Very very best wishes and positive thoughts at this tough hurdle. But do you know what? You can kick the bloody hurdle over and still get past it. And you will get past it. xx

He’s a nightmare, your mum is right! Hope you’re on your way home to family x

Good mum! You always needed that and there she is, as good as gold. You are not alone and lonely any more.

He is trying to bully and get his way. As you say, it's not factual but there is a psychological power to even stating the claim to a notional amount of your money. It's to intimidate, control and gain advantage. Even though it's not legitimate, it's planted in your head and left there for you to deal with.

Recognising that power, take steps to neutralise it by hitting back and treating him to some of your own: tell him he owes you x amount for mortgage overpayments and y amount for whatever else you've paid for and z amount for work you've done. Let him stew on that little list.

You’re doing cracking! @runningaway90 im sending you everything iv got to get you through this!!

im so glad you told your mum. Now you know you have a safety net. You don’t need to worry anymore you aren’t alone.

Glad you told your mum @runningaway90. Real life support will keep you going. Hope the dog is okay. You can do this 💪

Good lass!! Well done!! We can all say what we want - doesn’t mean it’s right or will happen. Ie he can say you owe in whatever he wants - doesn’t mean he is going to get it! He is not living in the real world - and now you can see that. Your mum sounds brilliant!! Take the help your family will offer. I have 3 children and do you know what I want for them?? Happiness - so go and get it. It’s heartbreaking to think of our children unhappy, the joy in seeing your kids happy is second to none. I am so very glad you have confided in her - be proud x

The house needs to go on the market now !
you have already seen a solicitor - he doesn't know that !

find a rental that will accept the dog and go
you have just said that Mum will help you financially if needed

you were almost ready to leave a couple of weeks ago

he hasn't been a boyfriend for a long time, you share a house with him - which you pay 2/3 of the mortgage ! to him you are an open purse
and he just keeps taking and wanting more

Ps what did your mum say x

He can only screw you over if you stay with him. From a legal perspective there is only so much he can do. Just leave. He is a twat. You cannot cannot stay for money - your money is not your money the whole time you are with him. Get a solicitor appointment booked this week and start getting things formalised.

Just remember he is already screwing you over and things can’t get much worse. He’s screwing you over mentally too.
It may cost you in legal fees to leave and split the house but once you’ve left you’ll have less stress.@Pumpkinpie1 made a good suggestion that you pay only half the mortgage from now and use the difference for your getting away fund.
I think you’ll be better off financially once you’ve left.

Scaremongering will be one of the many tactics he’ll try.
Don’t fall for it.

So sorry to read what he is putting you through. It's awful for you at the moment but I am so glad you told your mum so that you do have the support and understanding of close family and friends to lean on. This is getting to the heart of it now where you confront and challenge what is thrown at you.

Fear is real and not to be dismissed and will throw you into a panic initially but the financial issue can be managed and ameliorated once you gather yourself and start thinking and planning how to protect your position, how to claim what you have put in and are entitled to and how you can build up your finances once you leave.

With the a solicitor to guide you and fight your corner and the support of family, you will be able to either stay in the house until a settlement is reached or stay with family or friend or take a room as a lodger in someone's house as a temporary arrangement to weather this storm.

I'll be having tea, thanks, no milk or sugar!

This is a miserable way to go on - I don't know how you can stand it. And it's more than miserable. It's the horrible obsession with money both trivial and substantial, the bubbling resentment and blaming you for his bad temper and bad behaviour.

The thing is you can choose to leave if you want to. If / when you do decide, remind yourself and say to yourself, either silently or out loud 'I choose to do this and I am happy with it'. Doing that frees you in your mind, recognising that it is your free choice and underlining your acceptance of that choice, freely made. Everything else is detail.

If you choose to stay, can you tell yourself 'I choose to stay and I am happy with it'?

If you keep going like a pendulum from one side to the other: I am going... no I'm staying; or re examining: should I stay or should I go? or indecisive: maybe I'll stay or maybe I'll go - depending on what way the wind is blowing from his direction or what whim or mood he exercises from moment to moment, that would be quite wearing and draining on anyone.

Have you had the house valued yet OP? It doesn’t matter if he’s in or not, he knows this relationship isn’t working. Why would he finish it when you are still playing 2/3 of mortgage .

Stick to your guns about the roof. Personally I would only pay 50% of the mortgage until the house was sold and you split. Use that 1/3 to save for a deposit etc.

You are being very brave OP change is hard.

We all knew this would happen…and now it has. As the other poster said, def move in the spare room but let him know the relationship is over. You can sort the rest out either with an agreement if he is being reasonable or otherwise legally but please both bear in mind it gets expensive! Keep strong, you’ve got this and when you’re done…will you get the coffees in for us all??? Ha ha…just kidding xx

yes @KTheGrey is right tell someone else.

andto concrete this point. Ending the relationship is not a discussion @runningaway90 it is a statement and once you have made it there is no need to talk about it.

he does not get to choose the narrative. You tell him it’s done and everything that comes after is just wind, let it blow over you and don’t engage on it.

PS amazing that he knows the term DARVO and even more that he has the face to use it on you. Staggering projection there.

Tell your family and his sister that you are ending the relationship.

I suspect he will work out that you are doing so when you move into a separate room.

Chin up, OP, you are so nearly there.

As much as im sorry this has has happened I am actually really glad because it shows you nothing is ever going to change!

when he thought there was a chance you’d leave he immediately pulled back and started treating you like a human but the moment he thought he’d pulled you back in he immediately reverted to type.

only this time you were privately keeping a check of yourself and noticed this wasn’t about you but it entirely was him!

I agree it is time to stop this. Just be ready because he is either going to do one or both

the upset I love you and I can’t lose you routine. Things will change blah blah blah

or

realise he has lost the control of you and will stop trying to mask and all will become nastier and nastier until you finally are out and on the other side.

in both circumstances i truly believe you will be able to navigate and cope with his behaviour until you get yourself into the position where you can finally put him and this behind you and get on without your new life.
keep your head down and focus on the endgames do not let him throw you off.

I came across this thread for the first time today and need to comment. I’ve read all your posts - you do not see how far you have come. The progress you have made is quite astonishing and you should be proud of yourself. Stop beating yourself up for not having left yet. Your life is not a TV programme that gets tidied up nicely in a few hours. You do only get one life and you are sharing yours with a joy sucking dementor who has conditioned you to question and second guess yourself. You are worth so much more.